Thursday, June 9

Not that there's anything wrong with my car.

So it wasn't enough that I have short, spiky hair, like techno music, have a little dog, and generally try to keep myself neatly groomed. Now, according to Tom and Ray Magliozzi of NPR "Car Talk" fame, I drive the number-one gayest car in America. The number-one gayest cars in America as nominated by gay guys themselves.

Son of a bitch. Looks like it's time to bite the bullet and start searching for a new car. Of the Audi A3, Infiniti G35 coupe, Subaru Impreza WRX, Volkswagen Passat or Volvo V50, which of these looks most appealing (and least likely to broadcast doubts about my sexuality to the general female public)?

13 comments:

AndyinAtlanta said...

Good Democrats drive Volvos. :)

Ellen said...

Um...if you want a wagon that bad, I'll pawn off the superwagon I've been driving, but I'm not totally sure that "station wagon" doesn't say something, too. Maybe not gay, but it says something. I'm voting for the Infiniti, but only because it's the least Homewood mom of the bunch. If you're going to spend that much, though, what about the new Accord hybrid?

Josh said...

Buy a Hummer and cement your heterosexuality forever. Of course, that will also mean you have a small penis.

Kevin Church said...

Your car was totally hitting on me the other day at the Man Hole over on Route 9. I was just there to use the phone and it was like "Hey, wanna go back to my place? My tail pipe is so long."

Eh... Not so much said...

That's it! We just have to get gay guys to start saying how gay Hummers are, then no one will buy them anymore!

By the way, my fiance Retrolib1776 (over at http://retrolib1776.blogspot.com) and I are about to purchase a Pontiac Vibe. Lots of storage, decent gas mileage (29/34 for the base model), actually fun to drive... and this month they're having that GM Employee Pricing deal, which will knock $3000 off the top of the car we want!

We did think about a Prius (pronounced PREE-us, not to rhyme with "Pious," although some of those drivers...), but we thought that the marginal improvement in MPG wasn't worth the premium price. Retrolib's coworker reports that he gets about 43 MPG. Not bad, but worth another $3K? We thought not.

B said...

Whats with all the family cars? Appearing gay will hurt your chances with the ladies but so will appearing to be a family man. Think 2 seater, man. Or maybe a 2-door with totally uncomfortable backseat that only a Boston Terrier would fit in.

Eh... Not so much said...

Yes, b, but with our friends and us (ages 30 and up), we appreciate not having to fold, spindle, and mutilate ourselves when we get into each other's cars. Your mileage (har) may vary.

Megs said...

Doug, the Infiniti Coupe is an orgasm on wheels. I literally moaned when I saw it. Look, one day soon you'll start a family and then it will be YEARS before you feel you can afford to spend money on a car like this again (you'll be busy buying cars like all those others)...so do it now. That coupe is a car for a man in his 20s, and that man owns the fucking road, and anything else within sight of the car. LOVE.

Michael said...

(sorry about the long ramble, I'm a car freak)


The audi A3 is a great car and all, but it is new to america. Plus, its just a VW Golf (#8) with two more doors.

The Infiniti G35 coupe or the Subaru Impreza WRX are both fast, well built, cars. Either would be good, depending on if you prefer a front engine, rear drive car, or all wheel drive. The G35 will be a bit more luxerious too. The G35 will call on women who are over 21, the subie will call on women who are 14-23. Its a little boy racer-ish with the huge wing.

No Passat's. Stay away from the volkswagons man. Look at that top 10 list, everything is a VW. The VW image is what you are trying to get AWAY from.

The volvo is a nice ride, but is the image you want to portray a guy who drives an underpowered, extremely safe, station wagon?

One car not on your list, that should be, is the Subaru Legacy GT. The turbocharged one has 250hp, is more spacious than the WRX, yet is in the same speed range as a Nissan 350Z. Its won car of the year in Japan 2 consecutive years, and does great on reliabilty reports.

Although I think the guy is wrong on the Jetta. It should be #2. #1 should be the Mitsubishi Eclipse.

In case your wondering, I drive a Mazda 3, with the 2.3 liter engine, leather... Inexpensive, fun to drive, and I get 28-30 mpg.

ACG said...

Having seen the inside of Doug's apartment, I can attest to his heterosexuality. No self-respecting gay man would live in such filth. And by the way, dude, I'm coming down for VulcanFest - if that place hasn't been cleaned since I did it, you are losing a limb.

Anonymous said...

WRX STI

jen said...

Cars, and how fast/powerful they are, are totally overrated. Seriously, take the $20K you'd spend on a new car, put it in a CD or money market account, and rest assured that any sensible woman with decent gaydar (most of us have it, better than men do, at least) will realize you like vaginas.

Anonymous said...

ohhh, the Infiniti is so-o-o-o smooth - just the right mix of sexual statement for anyone's feelings of inadequacies and doubt! You can always borrow someone else's stationwagon when you need to haul more than your butt and Jenna's somewhere!