Thursday, June 7
Return to sender.
Inspired by LOLPresidents.com.
It has come to my attention that, with Americans having an unfavorable opinion of Bush to the tune of a two-to-one margin, some conservatives (and I'm not just talking about Eric Dondero) now wish not only to wash their hands of Bush but also to write him off as a liberal. You may consider this an open letter to those folks.
Sorry. We don't want him. As LBJ said, if asked, we will not accept, if chosen, we will not serve, etc. etc.
Yeah, Bush has been exploding the size of government (which we liberals are supposed to be for) and handing over the country to the lazy, evil, foul-smelling Messicans (which I guess we're also supposed to be for). But -- where the fuck have y'all been, man? Bush was growing the government as fast as he could from almost the minute he set foot in the Oval Office, and his love for those Messicans goes all the way back to when he was the governor of Texas. Y'all just chose to ignore that because you were really enjoying the way Bush was slashing taxes, saving stem cells, speaking out against teh gheys, and pre-emptively invading foreign countries.
Now that it turns out Bush and his people don't really have a clue what they're doing -- and some of them might actually be fucking insane -- the so-called "true conservatives" want to slough Bush off, just pull an Orwellian 180 and rewrite history to say that Bush was a liberal all along. Sorry. Na ga happen. The actions of a certain cadre of milquetoast, easily intimidatable Dems notwithstanding, we still don't support insane tax-slashing, restrictions on stem-cell research, anti-gay laws, or war war war whenever and wherever we can start one.
This one's all on you, kids. You're stuck with him. And now that I think about it, Michelle, no, we don't want Joe Scarborough either. (Seriously, a three-term GOP Congressman who got elected in the "Republican Revolution" of 1994 and he just magically turned into a liberal simply by virtue of getting a show on MSNBC? Right. Tell me another one.)
Now, if you're really that interested in culling your ranks, here's who we will take:
Nebraska Sen. Chuck Hagel.
Maine Sens. Susan Collins and Olympia Snowe.
Maryland Rep. Wayne Gilchrest.
Deputy White House Press Secretary Dana Perino, for precisely the obvious reasons.
And what the hell, Bruce Willis.
Give us any two of those people and we'll give you Joe Lieberman and a freshman representative of your choice in 2008.
But Dubya, sorry. Don't want him. Try someone else.