Wednesday, March 23

See, this is the kind of stuff that makes me just want to quit blogging again, 'cause I'm never gonna come up with anything this good.

Kung Fu Monkey, consider yourself linked for this stroke of genius (along with Crooked Timber for directing me there):

If there were a rash of break-ins ... no scratch that. Say there's a violent murder in your neighborhood. A really brutal slayfest. Blood on the walls, body parts on the lawn.

Your neigbor decides to take precautions. He leaves his doors and windows unlocked. He sits on the roof, armed with a SpongeBob SquarePants air-rifle, just in case the killers return and attack the house by hang-glider this time. And the air rifle doesn't work. And he spent EVERY DIME HE HAD on the air rifle.

You would of course, say your neighbor was insane. Or supremely stupid.

You do the rest.

My original point was -- Republicans used to be the guys who put the brakes on this shit. A sad chuckle, a little head shake. "Who's going to pay for this?" they'd say, frowning over national budgets. "Where are the facts? The research?" They'd take out their little red pens and buzzkill our little dreams of nationalized health care or solar-powered windmills or maglev trains, and then go back to banning pornography while secretly screwing around on their wives. But you know what? A lot of times, they were right.

We needed those guys. They were a dull but crucial part of the national dialogue. (And they knew their scotches. ) Now ... a void. Simply put, if you are voting for these guys who call themselves Republicans, then you are voting for crazy air-rifle guy. You just walked up, nodded, and said: "Wow, I gotta get me a ladder."

Somewhere Dennis Miller is reading this and gently weeping at the thought of all that could've been. Really, you gotsta read the whole thing. And if anybody does happen to know where the "real Republicans" are, do let me know and I'll be sure to pass the word along.


Cassie Schoon said...

Hey Doug. Dig the new pad.

I commented over there about this, but my Grandfather was a big-time old-school Republican, Eisenhowerish, Cadillac dealership owner. I have to think that he'd be pretty fed up about how things are going right now.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...


The Real Republicans are hiding out, waiting for the tide to recede. One thing about true conservatives, they're patient. Don't get riled. "This too shall pass" - types.

I miss 'em too.

But it's fun to stand below the eaves making helicopter noises at the air rifle guy. Maybe he'll fall off and break a leg.