Friday, March 25

Now's your chance to prove how much you love me.

My birthday's still more than two months away, but because this blog is all about me (I'm even writing in the first-person singular now, bitches!) I figured it's never too early to start spouting off about what I want. I mean, you could always take the easy way out and just crib from my wish list for gift ideas, but if you really love me, I mean really love me, it's time to step it up.

I saw the below item whilst going into a local movie theatre to see "The Aviator." It's a promotional item for the upcoming film "Mr. and Mrs. Smith," and it's not so much a movie poster as it is a sort of life-sized stand-up, and by "life-sized" I mean "perhaps as much as seven or eight feet tall."

Hottest. Thing. Ever.

Anyway, if you really love me, you'll steal this item from your local cineplex and get it to me by June 4 (which also happens to be Angelina Jolie's birthday -- remember we celebrated it together last year?). I guess you could always wait until one shows up on eBay and buy it then, but that might take a long time, and besides, stealing one would make you a lot cooler, don't you think?

Anyway, if you get one of these for me -- through either licit or illicit means -- you'll get guest-blogging privileges on this site for one year and I'll come to your home, wherever you are in the world, and mow your lawn. (You provide the lawnmower -- sorry, I can't risk the chance I'll have to lug a fricking lawnmower all the way to Oregon or something.)

Or if you're a weenie and don't think you can come up with that, you may also provide any of the following items and I'll still have some respect, though no guest-blogging privileges or lawnmowing, for you:

· The song "Tomorrow I'll Be Perfect" by Stella, in CD or MP3 format
· A 1/200 or 1/250-scale model of the Airbus A380
· A bottle of Balvenie single-malt scotch
· An Aeroflot safety card and/or in-flight magazine
· A Maybach hood ornament

So, nothing too complicated. Go forth, America!


Josh M. said...

I was going to give you world peace, but since you didn't ask for it, forget it. And now its too late.

DougBot said...

Now I'm curious how many people will liberate one of those posters and then... forget to send it to you. :)

Anonymous said...

...are you sure you don't want a diamond ring, as a symbol of our love? Or perhaps a beating ?