Wednesday, March 9

Dang, that Meg Ryan-Dennis Quaid breakup must've really hit bin Laden hard.

Before he broadened his activities to include the indiscriminate murders of American women and children, Osama apparently decided to focus specifically on doughy, unlikable Kiwis*:

Oscar-winning actor Russell Crowe said he may have been a target of an al Qaeda kidnap plot in early 2001, part of a bid by the militant network to "culturally destabilize" the United States.

The Australia-based Crowe told GQ magazine in an interview that he received FBI protection throughout the filming of "A Beautiful Mind" and for part of "Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World." He also was flanked by undercover agents at the Golden Globe awards ceremony in 2001.

Ummmm . . . OK. Not to cast doubt on Crowe's story or anything, but let me get this straight: In 2001, al-Qaeda decides they want to "culturally destabilize" the U.S. Plan A is to whack a moderately prolific actor (even if he did win an Oscar for "Gladiator") who isn't even American. They decide that's either unfeasible or not going to achieve their stated goals, so Plan B is to . . . hijack a couple 767s and crash them into the World Trade Center? That was Plan B? The worst terrorist attack in U.S. history was the backup to Operation Whack SID 6.7? Uh-huh, Russ. As you can see, I remain quite skeptical.

At any rate, whatever Osama has against Russell is between the two of them. Aside from "The Insider," I can't say that I've ever gotten too worked up over Russell Crowe. That said, however, if Osama harms so much as one hair on Elisha Cuthbert's head, it's safe to say I will go over to Pakistan or Saudi Arabia or Yemen or wherever he is and kick his ass my damn self.

That one's for you, DAve.

* Editor's note: While the cited Reuters article identifies Crowe as "Australia-based," he was, in fact, born in Wellington, New Zealand. So don't act like you're smarter than me, k thx.


Mary said...

That belt is severely unfortunate, but otherwise good show. I approve.

Anonymous said...

Wait,, are you and Kiera on the outs? Damn that sucks. I really had high hopes for you two kids.

It is terrible what these new "Republican Values" are doing to this country... When Clinton was in office you never heard of Britney's serial marriages, Nick and Jessica's marital striff (which I deny having anything to do with), the Bennifer collapse (also, despite what you may have heard I am not at fault in), Brad and Jen going splitsville (nope, that wasn't me either, we're just "friends") or Charlie and Denise getting divorced (I won't even dignify the allegation that I was somehow involved with a response.) Yep that all happened during Bush II.

Remeber, the red states have a higher percentage of divorce and abortion,,, how's that for values?

Anonymous said...

Ooooh, Elisha Cuthbert. Belt or no, she's like filet mignon for desert all day every day. And no, J-Lo and I being friends from the Hispanic Sex Conference did not at all play into her problems wth Ben. She and I are just friends. Access Hollywood please leave us alone!

Anonymous said...

Just so you know, a Kiwi is from New Zealand. Crowe is an Aussie. And Elisha is from Yummie.