Thursday, July 19

Friday Random Ten+5: I put myself out there.

Before we get into the Ten+5, I have to show you this awesome thing that I totally found out about before Josh did (OK, that's kind of a total lie): a Web gadget that lets you upload a picture of yourself and then transforms you into a Simpsons character. Here's me:

Kinda cool, but let's put me into an environment that reflects my true personality:


Now to the +5 part. Based on a conversation that took place a couple of weeks ago during EDSBS Live!, in which a conversation with Stewart Mandel soon devolved into a discussion of people you're ashamed to admit you're turned on by but are anyway. I confessed one on-air, and now I've decided to turn it into the +5, because it shows I'm brave, or something: the Five Chicks I Shouldn't Think Are Hot, But Do.

Jenna Bush
We've been over this before, I'm sure. While I'd like to say her particular combination of genes is a deal-breaker for me, as it ought to be for anybody, I can't. I don't care if she's dumb as a brick, or thinks Saddam Hussein was responsible for 9/11, or whatever, she's hot. I'm not proud of that, but then this list clearly isn't about pride. (And she's a 'Horns fan, which counts for something.)

Hayden Panettiere
Over the past few years, whenever assorted losers have set up "countdown clocks" on the Internet ticking down to when the Olsen twins or Hillary Duff or whoever turn 18 and therefore become "legal," I have been promptly and appropriately disgusted. But I would be a dishonest person if I denied sneaking a peek at Hayden Panettiere's Wikipedia page to find out when the magical date rolls around, if only to find out when I can stop suffering paroxysms of guilt for thinking she's hot. You may or may not be Catholic, but trust me -- even in a confessional, "Forgive me father, for I have sinned, I have a crush on the cheerleader from 'Heroes' " is not something you want to have to utter. (Fortunately, I only have another month left of this -- yes, I checked.)

Nancy Pelosi
Shut up. Just shut the fuck up right now. I think she's cute; so shoot me. She's also an ass-kicker, and I don't care how big and bad and extraconstitutional Dick Cheney thinks he is, put him in a locked room with The Pelosi for five minutes and he'd come out missing some teeth. And possibly a limb.

Erin Surance
Pink-haired cartoon spokesperson for, and the hottest 'toon on TV right now. Yes, even hotter than Lois Griffin.

Lafawnduh from "Napoleon Dynamite"
There's a woman who works somewhere in our building who's six feet tall and always immaculately put together, and we've sort of secretly nicknamed her Lafawnduh, but as a total compliment. I don't know about you, but Kip Dynamite is a very lucky man. If someone like this was willing to move all the way out to Idaho for my pasty-white ass, then I, too, would love her more than technology.

OK, now that I've got that off my chest . . . the Ten:

1. Josh Rouse, "Directions"
2. CJ Bolland, "It Ain't Gonna Be Me"
3. Public Enemy, "Caught, Can We Get a Witness?"
4. Pearl Jam, "Daughter"
5. Pet Shop Boys, "One More Chance" (Remix '88)
6. Snap!, "The Power"
7. Gorillaz, "All Alone"
8. Nicola Conte, "Bossa Per Due" (Thievery Corporation remix)
9. Dimitri From Paris, "Une Very Stylish Fille"
10. George Jones, "She Thinks I Still Care"

Your own Ten, be it songs or guilty pleasures of the hottie variety, are requested in the comments.


Anonymous said...

Hayden Panettiere also played the asst coach's daughter in "Remember the Titans."

NOW go to confession!

oreo said...

You're spot on with Erin Surance.
They did it on purpose too. Not sure if you noticed, but they always have her in a compromising position like bending over, etc. Its subtle, but those advertising guys know what they're doing.

Anonymous said...

Jenna - sure, maybe a girl you pick up at a party
Hayden - is cute, but she always looks too tan or too fake tanned.
Pelosi - no way
Erin Surance - is HOT
Lafwanduh - maybe, but I get what you mean

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Lafwanduh, mmmmmm, big ol' slice of hot chocolate.

Anonymous said...

I believe ist Erin Esurence.
I like "Not-Jenna"* better.
*TM-Tbogg enterprises.

Anonymous said...

I prefer Barbara (the twin, not the old bag) to Jenna, myself.

Anonymous said...

Hayden Panettiere? You dirty old man! I met her on the set of "Remeber The Titans" in 1999 when Josh and I were extras - and she was 10 YEARS OLD! I was 23 with a college degree, a day job and an apartment of my own. She was in fifth grade. Ew, Doug. Just ew.

greebs said...

Dude, Kim Possible and Shego are hotter than that eSurence chick.

Oh my god, I can't believe I just wrote that. I'm 38 years old.

Kanu said...

Ditto on Jenna.

As embarrassing as this is, I really wanted to hate fuck Katherine Harris during the 2000 recount, even though I understood that she was not hott. Can't explain it. That was before all the plastic surgery, which thankfully jarred my brain into realizing that she is just nasty, and now fake plastic nasty.

I have seen Pelose-a-dose here in my building twice in the last year here in SF; I'll slide her your email address next time...

Actually, she has two hottie staffers that I chatted up briefly a while back; maybe we can go on a double date with one of them and Nance.

The funniest thing to me about Pelosi is that as the rest of the nation and the righties go on about "San Francisco Values", there are a shitload of folks here who don't like her because she isn't liberal enough, that she is too establishment and conservative. Pretty funny or ironic or whatever the right word is.

Now then, El Dies:

1. "Move Bitch" by Ludacris, from 'Word Of Mouf'

2. "Play On Playa" feat. Snoop by Nas, from 'Hip Hop Is Dead'

3. "Get Along" by Morcheeba, from 'Charango'

4. "Behind The Moon" by Matt Costa, from 'Songs We Sing'

5. "Soledad" by Manu Chao, from 'Amerika Perdida'

6. "Pubic Enemy" by A Tribe Called Quest, from 'People's Instinctive Travels & The Paths Of Rythm'

7. "Look At Me Now" by Akon, from 'A Star Is Born'

8. "All Along" by North Mississippi All Stars, from 'Polaris'

9. "Night Prwoler" by Living Legends, from 'Living Legends'

10. "This Ain't Living" by G. Love & Special Sauce, from 'Best Of G. Love & Special Sauce'

Happy Weekend.

Anonymous said...

Pelosi is your MILF of the Month?

Kanu said...


Pelose-a-dose is a GILF my friend.

Chris in Seattle said...

Pelosi: Definitely doable.
Bush twins: Mmmmmaybe. Any sex with them would have to be humiliating. I won't go into details. As drunk as they've gotten, as often as they have, surely there has to be some pics of them flashing. You think the secret service people hold their hair when they puke?

Kevin said...

I know I'm a sick individual, BUT, if you google "esurance+naked", a picture comes up of her getting nailed by the GEICO caveman with the caption, "So easy, a caveman could do her". Like I said, I'm a sick sick person...