Monday, July 23

Death is not an option: the return.

· Living in a country where Dick Cheney is president, or having rectal polyps?

· NFL quarterback Michael Vick or NBA referee Tim Donaghy?

· CNN's YouTube debate, or ESPN's "Who's Now" bracket?

· Having to watch an entire episode of "Victoria Beckham: Coming to America" or having to watch an entire MLS game?

· Going to a bar with Lindsay Lohan, or going to a strip club with Pac-Man Jones?

· Doing tequila shots out of Tara Reid's belly button, or eating Chinese food off of Britney Spears's ass?


Josh M. said...

The "Who's Now" debacle is the most embarrassing stunt in a long line of embarrassing ESPN stunts. I literally can't watch it anymore; the channel is turned as soon as I see Stuart Scott's creepy one-eyed stare.

And I've heard the Victoria Beckham show is actually really, really good - but I can't verify. I know I'm had a much greater respect for her ever since I saw her hold her own with Borat (check Youtube.)

Anonymous said...

Josh, your tip about Posh and Borat improved my day to no end.

The same cannot be said of those pictures of Tara Reid and Britney Spears. It's a trick question, by the way, Reid's stomach is so fucked from surgery that you couldn't get a shot's worth of liquor in there - I mean I suppose you could scrunch up the loose skin, but if you lost your grip, you'd lose the hooch... as well as your lunch.

As for La Spears... even if you disinfected the area in question, there's still too much eau de crazy for it to be tolerable.

jkelsofarrell said...

1. too close to call. polyps.
2. donaghy.
3. both make my brain explode, but CNN.
4. MLS, hands down. Unless that fucker Beckham is anywhere near it then I choose to blind myself with safety pins.
5. I'll go for the adrenaline rush of Pac-Man over the pathetic "sobriety" of Lohan.
6. At least Tara Reid looks like she showers. Tequila.

Jay Allbritton said...

Watched some of that Scott Baio reality show last night. I am now too dumb to answer your questions.

Josh M. said...

Whoops, duh. Just noticed my mistake. Ali G, not Borat.

Anonymous said...

Sigh. I watched the clip and still proceeded to make the same mistake, Josh.

Also: Jennifer, does the ocean frolic not count as cleaning for Britney? I mean presumably one could get her to remove the ratty wig.

Anonymous said...

Dick Cheney, I can ignore politics.

A wash.

YouTube Debate has humor.

Victoria Beckham, she is cute.

Depends, Lohan is safer, but Pacman would be more fun. Do I get the option of wearing body armor?

Tara's Tequila shots. At one point I will be hammered and won't care...

jkelsofarrell said...

dc trojan: Brit's recent ocean dip may have been the cleanest she's been in months. And we don't know when we'd have to eat that Chinese food off that ass. Or how many others have eaten food off that ass. What if I found a bit of taco? or Big Mac?

Tara's re-constructed franken button appears shallow enough to not promote the growth of bacteria. Brit's butt, however, remains a mystery.

shelly said...


* Rectal polyps
* Tim Donaghy
* Neither
* Posh
* Strip club
* Tequila FTW!