I mean, I've expressed as much contempt for Paris Hilton on this blog as anybody out there, but over the past few days I've been trying to put myself in Richard Hilton's shoes. If I'd dumped tens of thousands of dollars into the McCain campaign and the RNC, only to have McCain turn around and slag off my own daughter (spoiled whore though she may be) in a national TV ad, I'd want to punch Captain Maverick in the face.
But unlike me, Paris has decided not to get mad but to get even. Holy fuck, does that mean Paris Hilton is a better person than me? While I ponder whether it's wrist-slitting time, watch this, assuming you haven't seen it 20 times already:
See more Paris Hilton videos at Funny or Die
The big caveat with Paris's "plan," of course, is that offshore drilling won't "carry us until" anything, since it'd take at least 10 years for the first drops of oil to begin spurting from those coastal oil rigs (and even then it'd be unlikely to drop our gas prices by more than a few pennies per gallon). Otherwise, though, it's not bad, and I'm not the only one who thinks so:
Watching the Hilton video, a few questions came to mind. First, why is that Paris Hilton’s fake ad includes more substantive talk about energy policy than John McCain’s real ad? Second, if writers helped Hilton with her script, and writers helped McCain with his script, why is it that Hilton seems to have a better grasp on policy details than McCain does? Shouldn’t that be, you know, the other way around? And third, why is it that a 27-year-old heiress/reality-show star can read a teleprompter better than the presumptive Republican presidential nominee?
I don't know that I have the wherewithal to answer any of those questions at the moment, because I'm still trying to grapple with the fact that, for the first time that I can remember, I might actually like Paris Hilton.
See what you've done, Walnuts? Damn you, John McCain. Damn you to hell.