Wednesday, June 29

My dilemma, and some more scurrilous rumors.

Here's the thing: I really do want to see "War of the Worlds," which comes out this weekend, but I don't want to do anything that would be seen as supporting or putting more money in the pocket of Captain Scientology (I don't care how much he knows about psychiatry).

So what do I do?

a) Go see the movie and stop worrying so freaking much.
b) Go see the movie, and if anyone asks, tell them it's because I'm a huge Dakota Fanning fan.
c) Picket the theatre with a big sign saying Scientology is a false religion and telling Tom Cruise to repent, then sneak into the theatre right before the movie is about to start.
d) Wait until I go up to New York later on this year and buy a bootleg copy in Times Square.
e) Chill out and wait for "Fantastic Four" to come out. Jessica Alba . . . mmmm.

Speaking of whom, pageant-going homey Kristen told me over the weekend that when Tom Cruise made his first fateful contact with Katie Holmes, he'd also put in calls to the agents/publicists of Jessica Alba and Jennifer Garner asking for a meeting. (OK, he may be crazy as a shithouse rat, but his taste in chicks apparently hasn't suffered.) Garner was off filming a movie and never responded, but Alba apparently went to his house thinking he wanted to pitch her a movie or something. They talked for like an hour, and finally Alba was like, "So was there any particular reason you asked me here?", and Cruise was like "No, just wanted to meet you," and Alba was like "OK then," and left.

No real point to this story, except that when Tom talks about Katie Holmes being the love of his life, what he really means is "Door #2." There but for the grace of God (and, it would seem, some more advanced critical-thinking skills) goes Jessica Alba.

UPDATE: Someone has proposed option . . . what are we up to now in the comments threads, "(i)"? Anyway, we now have a boycott on our hands (link courtesy Double Viking).


Anonymous said...

(f) come see us in WV this weekend, and be much more entertained! Then (a) and let us know all about it - Tom can be wacko and proud of it without limiting our lives! Tim Robbins should make up for the PC part of viewing the movie...

Josh M. said...

Scarlett Johansson has actually admitted to getting a personal tour from Cruise through the Scientology center a few months ago, and literally running out when it got too weird for her. Apparently she was on the "short list" a few notches above Katie. Kate Bosworth also got a call, according to the hard-hitting journalists at US Weekly.

Anonymous said...

I'd saw option [g] (since hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm offered you option [f]: download it.

Ellen said...

Dude, go see it already. Besides, putting money in Spielberg's pocket is fine. Even Matt Lauer liked it, and while he's a weenie, TC went all freaky on him last week, so I'd guess he's being honest. But, you know, go see Fantastic Four too. It's a comic book geek's summer, yippee!

Michael said...

I have been boycotting any tom cruise movie for years. It feels good to know I'm not the only one.

Problem is, I want to see war of the worlds. I might have to buy a ticket for something else, but go into the WOTW's theatre.

Murphy Jacobs said...

you could just rent Independence Day and wait until it's on a movie channel. Tom Cruise is enough to spoil it anyway.

"Door #2". I love that. Maybe his new publicist suggested he needed a new armhanger real fast.