Wednesday, September 16

That Indian wouldn't just be letting a single tear roll down his cheek, he'd be putting a gun in his mouth.

Among the many wonderful things I could say about my peeps at the Tent City tailgate -- generous, knowledgeable, attractive folks who always have plenty of places to sit and are generally pretty good at holding their liquor besides -- they are also a fairly tidy bunch. Their tailgate last Saturday hosted a couple dozen people, both Georgia and South Carolina fans, under a pair of large tents with three tables of food and drinks; there were at least a dozen coolers here and there, a satellite-linked TV powered by a gas generator, and, of course, a hungry and very entitled-feeling Boston terrier. Yet by midnight, all the tents, tables, and chairs had been safely packed away in various people's automobiles, and our collected detritus had been wrapped up and bagged up so efficiently that you literally might not have known anyone was ever there.

So, North Campus tailgaters, what's y'all's excuse?

I mean, this is the nicest part of campus, the section we always point to when we're comparing ourselves to such aesthetically blessed campuses as Virginia and UNC and Ole Miss, and this is how we treat it? I wouldn't even leave this kind of filth if I went and tailgated at Georgia Tech or Tennessee, and I hate those fuckers. I'm certainly not going to leave my own campus like that.

Yeah, yeah, I know: There aren't enough trash cans on campus, and because we're still setting aside (completely unused) space for "family-friendly tailgating zones," whatever trash is left on the ground gets crammed into that much smaller a space. But that really isn't an excuse, is it? If you take out the trash at your house, you can take out the trash at your tailgate. Have a bag for bottles, a bag for paper trash, tie 'em up, throw 'em in the back of your big-ass SUV, and drop 'em in the dumpster at the Raceway or whatever on your way out of town. It's not that hard.

This isn't the tree-hugging, spotted-owl-humping, lefty pinko environmentalist in me talking; it's the Georgia fan talking. Clean up your trash, or not only are we going to have a university that looks like Hunter S. Thompson's hotel room in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Mike Adams is going to use it as an excuse to charge us all five hundred bucks to tailgate on campus.

So pretty please, with sugar on top: Clean up after your fuckin' tailgate. Rant over. Carry on with your business.


Huckleberry said...

Wow! It almost looks as bad as Auburn's campus after a game! Nothing beats the whole roasted pig that I found thrown into the bushes once though. AU is truly classy.

Josh M. said...

As much as I agree, now I can only picture you fucking a spotted owl. And I CAN'T LOOK AWAY.

Holly said...


Ohhh, that's not going away any time soon.

Scott H. said...

Doug. I'm swelling with pride right now. Or at least I think that's pride I'm swelling with...On second thought maybe engorged with pride is more accurate.
At any rate, there's a nifty little instructional video on that gives tailgaters tips on trash management.

John said...

I've seen some new Olive Garden commercials...just sayin

j.leonardjr said...

Hell...they don't even have to haul it off. Just BAG IT UP and it will get picked up! This is so pathetic.

Squarebush said...

Josh M. said...

"At any rate, there's a nifty little instructional video on"

Created by a member of my tailgate (and Doug's), incidentally. See, we are clean!

Josh M. said...

Oh wait, that was said tailgater. Still, a good video.