Monday, September 7

Monday Morning Cage Match XIII:
An age-old debate resolved. Well, not really.

As a very wise man by the name of Jim Tressel once said, "Side boob is the new under boob, but not as good as boobs-pushed-against-glass-view boobs." Jimbo hasn't been blogging a lot over at Tressel's World since the Buckeyes got their collective faces rocked off in the 2006 national championship game, which is a loss for all of us, but his sage wisdom lives on and still holds true for us today. But I wanted to know: Is sideboob really the new underboob? Goaded on by Holly, who should really know better by now, I decided to make this age-old question the subject of this week's Cage Match: Sideboob vs. Underboob.


Urban Dictionary definition"A view of the female breast seen from a side; generally under loosely-fitting clothes. Very titillating (pun intended) and sexual without showing any overt nudity.""Hands down, one of the finest aspects of a woman's anatomy that can be enjoyed in any public venue.

"Underboob is achieved by wearing a very short halter top or cropped tank, also known as an underboob shirt, which exposes the bottom areas of a woman's breasts.

"Much like the combination of low-rise jeans and a thong, the underboob shirt can only successfully be worn by select few women."
WINNER: Underboob
Common habitatAwards-show red carpetsPanama City and other Spring Break locales; various Bike Weekends
WINNER: Sideboob
Well-known practitioner
Lindsay Lohan

Lucy Pinder
WINNER: Underboob
AdvantagesEasy to pass off as an accident or "wardrobe malfunction," if necessaryAs signs of sexual interest go, it's hard to misinterpret
WINNER: Sideboob
DrawbacksLess flattering in many instances; association with Lindsay LohanCan only be pulled off with breasts of a certain size; more likely to result in a public-indecency charge
WINNER: Underboob
First result on Google image search
Social acceptability rating52
WINNER: Sideboob

FINAL SCORE: Sideboob 4, Underboob 4. There's no need to rank or quantify here; clearly, when it comes to alternative boob views, there are no losers, only winners.


Ollllddude said...

This is one cage match where we - your readers - are the winners. Makes me forget about Saturday.

BurritoBrosShits said...

In this case, America wins.

JasonC said...

A bit odd that the first 2 images from google were both well-endowed Asian women, because I doubt Asians are the first that come to mind when you think of large-breasted women.

JasonC said...

Not that I'm complaining.

chg said...

Bad call on the search results. I think it is a clear point for Sidebood, which gives them the overall 5-3.

DC Trojan said...

I don't feel that I can make an informed decision here without more exhaustive research... but I shall struggle on in the interests of science.

Admin said...

Maybe I should stope over thinking and just enjoy the pictures but I'm confused on the social acceptability ratings.

5 for side boob and 2 for under boob?

Is this a scale of 1 to 10 where 1 is topless and not socially acceptable?