A memo from the desk of Arnold T. Pants, Esq.:Billboard semiotics, the spread of the "douchewattage" meme, inappropriate T-shirts, and TV FAIL.

· OK, I got the satire behind the Barack Obama New Yorker cover, but can somebody 'splain this to me?



Don't vote for a Democrat . . . why, exactly? Because then we might not have any more of those awesome nation-unifying events like 9/11?

(Actually, the song he's hawking on his Web site might actually be more offensive -- not to my sense of decency, but to my musical sensibilities.)

· Ostensibly, this quiz is to determine how close you are to being "that guy," but let's call a spade a spade and describe it as it really is: a quiz to determine how much of a douche you are. It even gives your results in terms of temperature, as if to convey how much douche-energy you're giving off . . . hmmmm, where have I heard that one before? My temperature, in case you were wondering, is regrettably "hot"; I don't use a sleep mask or noise-cancelling headphones on planes and I don't describe things as "sick," but I do quote movies obsessively, and as for the thinking-Hayden-Panettiere-is-hot question, well, I think we all know where I stand on that one.

· That said, at least I'm not this guy:



It just so happens that that picture was taken at a police station -- where its subject, Daniel Allen Everett, was taken after attempting to set up a sexual tryst online with someone he thought was a 14-year-old girl. My only regret is that Chris Hansen evidently wasn't there to comment on his shirt. (Which, given the circumstances, shouldn't it have read "World's Greatest Daddy" instead?)

· I'm with Blutarsky on this one -- you do a list of Georgia's top 10 athletes of all time and you don't put my boy Champ Bailey on it?


Pimping: As a general rule, not easy, but easier for some than for others.

· First Bill O'Reilly, now Laura Ingraham . . . man, you right-wingers seem to have some problems with what we call "the TV." After watching the linked video, you can kind of see why her show was cancelled after a run of only three weeks; it was probably for her own safety -- some of her "handlers" you can see in the background there look as if they're compiling mental lists of where they might hide her body.

But what's even funnier is the fact that when she's not complaining about something or grouching at a producer, she spends the rest of the video looking like this:



Close your mouth, Laura. This is national television, not special ed.

But still, you're a treasure. Don't ever change.

· As for conservatives who don't come off like complete 'tards, my Tent City homeboy Josh has gotten some major linkage for his "explosion-by-explosion account" of "Die Hard," which celebrated its 20th anniversary this week. All things considered, if you've got to be obsessed with a particular movie, that's not a bad one to be obsessed with.

Which reminds me: Just when I'd gotten done pissing my pants with anticipation over my iPhone, I get to piss my pants all over again with anticipation for "The Dark Knight," which opens this weekend. If you're in Birmingham and want to join a big group of grown men and women who have been reduced to giggling pre-teens when we go see it on Sunday, holler.