Before we get into the Ten+5, I have to show you this awesome thing that I totally found out about before Josh did (OK, that's kind of a total lie): a Web gadget that lets you upload a picture of yourself and then transforms you into a Simpsons character. Here's me:
Kinda cool, but let's put me into an environment that reflects my true personality:
Now to the +5 part. Based on a conversation that took place a couple of weeks ago during EDSBS Live!, in which a conversation with Stewart Mandel soon devolved into a discussion of people you're ashamed to admit you're turned on by but are anyway. I confessed one on-air, and now I've decided to turn it into the +5, because it shows I'm brave, or something: the Five Chicks I Shouldn't Think Are Hot, But Do.
We've been over this before, I'm sure. While I'd like to say her particular combination of genes is a deal-breaker for me, as it ought to be for anybody, I can't. I don't care if she's dumb as a brick, or thinks Saddam Hussein was responsible for 9/11, or whatever, she's hot. I'm not proud of that, but then this list clearly isn't about pride. (And she's a 'Horns fan, which counts for something.)
Over the past few years, whenever assorted losers have set up "countdown clocks" on the Internet ticking down to when the Olsen twins or Hillary Duff or whoever turn 18 and therefore become "legal," I have been promptly and appropriately disgusted. But I would be a dishonest person if I denied sneaking a peek at Hayden Panettiere's Wikipedia page to find out when the magical date rolls around, if only to find out when I can stop suffering paroxysms of guilt for thinking she's hot. You may or may not be Catholic, but trust me -- even in a confessional, "Forgive me father, for I have sinned, I have a crush on the cheerleader from 'Heroes' " is not something you want to have to utter. (Fortunately, I only have another month left of this -- yes, I checked.)
Shut up. Just shut the fuck up right now. I think she's cute; so shoot me. She's also an ass-kicker, and I don't care how big and bad and extraconstitutional Dick Cheney thinks he is, put him in a locked room with The Pelosi for five minutes and he'd come out missing some teeth. And possibly a limb.
Pink-haired cartoon spokesperson for esurance.com, and the hottest 'toon on TV right now. Yes, even hotter than Lois Griffin.
Lafawnduh from "Napoleon Dynamite"
There's a woman who works somewhere in our building who's six feet tall and always immaculately put together, and we've sort of secretly nicknamed her Lafawnduh, but as a total compliment. I don't know about you, but Kip Dynamite is a very lucky man. If someone like this was willing to move all the way out to Idaho for my pasty-white ass, then I, too, would love her more than technology.
OK, now that I've got that off my chest . . . the Ten:
1. Josh Rouse, "Directions"
2. CJ Bolland, "It Ain't Gonna Be Me"
3. Public Enemy, "Caught, Can We Get a Witness?"
4. Pearl Jam, "Daughter"
5. Pet Shop Boys, "One More Chance" (Remix '88)
6. Snap!, "The Power"
7. Gorillaz, "All Alone"
8. Nicola Conte, "Bossa Per Due" (Thievery Corporation remix)
9. Dimitri From Paris, "Une Very Stylish Fille"
10. George Jones, "She Thinks I Still Care"
Your own Ten, be it songs or guilty pleasures of the hottie variety, are requested in the comments.