Tuesday, July 31

Cleavage: an annotated primer.

Dear Washington Post,

Since you seem to be unclear on the concept, I would like to present to you some examples of actual cleavage (Figs. 1-3), with markings helpfully provided so that it'll jump right out at you, so to speak.


Fig. (1): Joanna Krupa


Fig. (2): Catherine Bell


Fig. (3): Elvira, Mistress of the Dark

In each of those three figures, there is a clearly defined line or "valley" between the sweater puppies, suitable for holding a shot glass or dollar bills or what have you. In Figs. (2) and (3), the exposure of said line is great enough that it borders on the elusive "sideboob" [q.v.].

In the example you have cited (Fig. 4), no such line or valley exists.


Fig. (4): Sen. Hillary Clinton

Therefore, while Sen. Clinton's shirt may, by some conservative definitions of the term, qualify as "low-cut," there is no "cleavage" on display here.

In the future, should you find yourselves confronted by semiotic questions of this nature, feel free to consult with me; I'm kind of an expert on these things. Or, alternatively, you could treat the presidential race with the respect that it deserves and not like a goddamn high-school prom, and thus refrain from covering non-stories like this at all.

Yeah, I'd probably go with that last one.

Sincerely,
Doug Gillett
Founder and CEO, Hey Jenny Slater Enterprises p.l.c.
Lucy K. Pinder Endowed Chair of Mammary Arts and Sciences, Birmingham Institute of Lechery

(dictated but not read)

8 comments:

CoolSchool said...

Excellent public service Doug. Keep up the good work. Now if you could also get the MSM to understand a candidate with an expensive haircut is no story ...

zen bubba said...

coolschool, not only is a candidate's hair cut not a story, I would go so far as to say that a candidate's history of dressing in drag and sleeping with his mistress down the hall from his wife in the mayors mansion isn't a story eith.... well ok, actually that is kinda weird when you think about it.

Josh said...

A "history" of dressing in drag? One occurrence makes a "history?"

Oh, and by the way, are you insinuating there is something wrong with men dressing in drag? Homophobe.

hmmmm said...

come on Doug - Ms. Givens at the Post, and most of the Style section, are reputed to be "snarky" and thus write what they do with a special twist - did you not recognize snarkiness when you read it?

Anonymous said...

I always figured Hillary to be a "junk-in-the-trunk girl", myself.

zen bubba said...

You are awful defensive of people dressing in drag Josh, is there something you are trying to tell us?

NCT said...

First, Rudy has dressed in drag several times and not just once. Second mocking men dressing in women's clothes has no obvious correlation with homophobia (only a minority of teh queers like to dress up as women, much like only a minority of teh hets like to dress up as women).

Just a couple of observations.

zen bubba said...

Excellent point nct. Just because Rudy likes to feel pretty every now and then doesn't mean he is less of a man. Lots of perfectly straight men like to wear a thong and heels because it makes them feel luxurious. It's not like Rudy has marched in the New York Gay Pride parade.... oh wait, he did that too. Nevermind.

Still there is nothing wrong with that. Just so long as his political rhetoric isn't at odds with his lifestyle I have no concerns.