Thursday, July 24

A memo from the desk of Arnold T. Pants, Esq.: Vorsprung durch Obama, font wars, and an obituary.

· With 0% of precincts reporting, Hey Jenny Slater is projecting Barack Obama the winner of the 2008 presidential race. I know, I know, that's awfully presumptuous on my part, but if this is the best the right wing can do against him, I think it's pretty much in the bag. (Hat tip: LGM.)

Yes, that's right: Barack Obama, who is giving a major speech today in Germany, is taking heat from this twit for printing handbills for the event in German. Oh noes!!!! This is the most embarrassing gaffe by an American politician overseas since Bill Clinton's trip to Rome in 1994, in which he shocked the nation by doing as the Romans did!

· Not only that, but Obama's picture on the flier is in profile, which as we all know makes him TEH HITLAR!!111!1!!1!!

· Maybe you have to have gone to journalism school or worked in some aspect of the publishing industry to find this funny -- either way, I'm sure it helps if you're a huge dork -- but I nearly cried with laughter watching this.

My only quibble is with them choosing Comic Sans as the hero. NOBODY likes Comic Sans.

· Paul Westerdawg and Senator Blutarsky have both given us some interesting insights recently regarding the long-term psychological effects of "The Celebration" during last year's Georgia-Florida game. It really is hilarious hearing the Florida fans out there say things like "The Celebration didn't get in our heads" and "We're SO gonna remember this" in practically the same breath. A few months ago, I was almost kind of dreading this year's Cocktail Party, thinking that we might have kind of painted ourselves into a corner; given how many people's eyes are going to be on Georgia this year to see if we really have turned the tide in terms of making the UGA-UF rivalry competitive again, a big loss in this year's game could be even more disastrous than usual. But after reading the recent stuff from Westerdawg and Blutarsky, my mental glass is coming a lot closer to half-full; it's clear that the Celebration did get into the Gators' heads, whether they want to admit it or not, and the simple fact that they've been forced to give a shit about this rivalry again has as much potential to restore equilibrium as anything else.

Oh, and Urban Meyer is a jackbag. Referring to himself in the third person? Melodramatic statements like "it's going to be a big deal"? He's already starting to sound like those Georgia Tech knobs who were saying stuff like "Just remember, Richt, what goes around comes around" six years ago after the 51-7 game. And that, I believe, is inadvisable.

· Finally, please join me in mourning Practically Harmless, 4, whose feeding tube was removed last week. The blog is survived by one writer -- my sister -- and the job and boyfriend who are now occupying the majority of her time.

It's tough pulling the plug on a blog -- I've had to do it once or twice in my time -- but keeping a good blog regularly updated can be harder than it looks sometimes, and I respect anyone who has the fortitude to say "Sorry, guys, I'm hanging this up" rather than making a half-assed attempt at continuity after disappearing for three months by saying, "Uh, sorry I kind of fell off the face of the earth there, here's a video of a panda farting." The dirty secret in our family, though, is that Ann's been a better writer than me for a while now, at least as far as stuff not involving football, French newsreaders, or dick jokes. So hopefully she'll muster the mojo to take another crack at it one of these days.

Not that I'm trying to lean on you, sis.


Josh M. said...

Well, it does look like Obama's giving a "Heil Hitler" salute. With a really long arm.

Anonymous said...

Sorry Doug, Obama is a joke! You don't even know what he stands for. I think maybe he stands for everything..............or nothing.

When you grow up and attain some maturity you too will become conservative.

I know this makes you mad but, sometimes the truth does that to us.

Doug said...

Nah, statements like that don't make me mad. I've heard them so many times, and phrased so similarly, that they're pretty much white noise at this point.

But I've been hearing for years now that when I "grow up" and gain some maturity, I'll become a conservative. Well, I turned 30 this year. Can somebody please tell me at which age I'm officially going to "become conservative" so I can start planning for it? I probably need to start saving up for an SUV now, and I'm sure I'm way behind on practicing whining about how high my taxes are.

CoolSchool said...

You don't officially become conservative at a specific age. People age at different rates. Doctors use the medical term, "brain dead" to define when you become a conservative.

Anonymous said...

Coolschool, that would only apply to people who once had a brain.

Doug, the only people that complain about their taxes are people that actually pay them.

Anonymous said...

Anon@ 7:29 & 8:42 - you make it hard for the rest of us anons to show our faces.

Anonymous said...


Top 10% (>109,000) pay 70% of the taxes.

Bottom 50% (<32,000) pay 3% of the taxes.

I would say most people wouldn't be complaining too much?

Let's tax those corporate bastards. Surely they would pass it on down to us less fortunates?

We could pay for Socialized Medicine and it could be so successful just like Social Security, Medicare, Public Education, blah, blah, blah.

People, quit looking to your government and take care of yourselves. It's called liberty.

DAve said...

Fuck this politics talk.

If you like the College Humor typeface vid, be sure to check out Behind The Typeface: Cooper Black.

Will said...

Funny, St. Ronnie promised that those corporate rich folks would pass along the fruits of all this increased productivity lo the past 30 years.

Yet, adjusted for inflation, the bottom four quintiles are flat, and that top percent looks downright exponential.

Sounds more like oligarchy than liberty to me.

And I'll donate an extra $5 Obama's way if he opens his speech by saying "I am a danish" or something like that. Or "Ich bein en Springfield Swap Meet Patron".

Anonymous said...

Doug, age does not equal maturity.

The bottom quintiles need to work on being in the top quintile and quit bitching.

Could one of you Obomamaniacs translate the Inartful Dodger's response to Katie Couric's "surge" question?

Are there any caucasian troops left in Iraq. In all of the photo ops for BO he is being mobbed by the bro's and the sistahs.

After all of this including the obvious efforts by Doug's fellow "journalists" to get him elected, it's still a statistical dead heat. Yeeeeeeeeeeehaaaaaaaaaa!

Anonymous said...

I bet one of those corporate rich folks is your employer or, you're a member of the government payroll sucking up tax revenues doing nothing.

By the way, why would you deserve any of the fruits that someone else earned "passed along" to you.

Take that $5 and donate it to the less fortunate. On the other hand like most libs maybe, you're only generous with other people's money.

Anonymous said...

The problem IMO is that what attracts many young idealistic people like Doug to socialism and the Democrats is exactly the romantic notion that they will be better human beings for it, because they are caring for a larger group than just their own narcissistic, solipsistic selves. I briefly felt this way as a young person. But then I peered into the souls of the left and into the larger aggregate soul of socialist parties and institutions themselves. What I saw there was nothing but a heart of darkness and emptiness.

A concern for everyone means really a concern for no-one at all.

Sorry Doug, you may be funny but you're still wrong.

Anonymous said...

Obama, the ultimate reparation for all that white liberal guilt.

Anonymous said...

When I was 30 I voted for Jimmy Carter. Now that I'm much more enlightened I'm very ashamed of myself but, I take comfort in knowing that I've learn from my errors.

Doug has the redeeming quality of being a Dawg so, I'm going to cut him a little slack and not go Mark Levin on him. He too will see the errors of his ways.

He will probably see them sooner than later if this country elects Obama to go along with Reid and Pelosi. That scares the $#!t out of me!

Anonymous said...

Obama Needs Europe to Restrain Its Enthusiasm: Margaret Carlson

Commentary by Margaret Carlson

July 24 (Bloomberg) -- This is the first election in memory when a small crowd is better than a large one, a passionate crowd inferior to a bored one, where drawing a million people in Berlin is less likely to be compared with Ronald Reagan or John F. Kennedy but to Hitler Youth chanting ``Sieg heil!''

(Note: Margaret Carlson is a well known left wing "journalist."

dctrojan said...

Anon, I don't complain about my taxes, I'm the top quintile, *and* it's your tax dollars that pay me.

The glory of "conservative" voters refusing to countenance increases in the number of federal bureaucrats, but equally refusing to give up any government programs, means that there's a whole cottage industry of beltway bandits like me making a healthy living picking up the slack.

But don't worry, since I don't do military or intel work, I do have a slight risk of unemployment because of year-on-year reductions in the civilian budget. That's why I was working until 3 a.m. last night, because people who don't deliver don't pay the mortgage.

I think you have a fundamental misunderstanding of how capitalists economies work though. The "bottom" four quintiles can't all expect to become part of the top, that's statistically impossible. A functioning liberal capitalist economy has by nature a pyramid-shaped income distribution, it's just a question of how much misery on the bottom one is willing to tolerate. In your case, apparently the answer is "a lot," as long as you get yours. It's a perfectly legitimate position to take, but don't expect a round of applause for it ; )

Anonymous said...

*sigh* 16 - now 17 - comments, nine of which are apparently made by one lone person intent on saving Doug from the perils of liberalism. It makes me wonder why he doesn't have his own blog. I going to guess he reaches more people here than would on his own blog.

Doug said...

That raises a question I've been wondering about myself the last few weeks -- are all these anonymi different people, or is this one of those Siege of Detroit situations where it's one guy lighting a bunch of fires and trying to make me believe there's more of them than there actually is?

Anonymous said...

I've been wondering myself Doug...are all these allys of your liberal position actually you?

Doug said...

Yup, you caught me. I've been blogging and leaving comments under my own name for years now, taking full credit for my leftist pinko opinions, but this past week I got bored and decided to start leaving comments on my own blog under various aliases. Now that I've been found out, I guess Hey Jenny Slater is going to have to shut down.

Anonymous said...

So, dc, since I pay your wages, please don't blog on my time, asshole.

Anonymous said...

So, the bottom quintile should just be happy with what they've got and learn to live with their plight? Another moronic comment by the beltway boy.

Will said...

"A concern for everyone means really a concern for no-one at all. "

A statement so stupid merely typing it qualifies you for a spot on McCain's campaign team!

My problem with wages is this:
When productivity goes up across the board over 30 years, why should wages only go up at the top? If you're going to make 1000x more than me, you damn well better have a good explanation as to why beyond the usual "I work hard" pablum (which is rendered semi-bullshit when you take 2 months vacation a year).

Or should we just come out and say the wage system is a pyramid scheme ?

But yeah, I don't want Reid or Pelosi again either: they've done little but kiss the ass of a president 3/4ths of the country thinks is fucking everything he touches up.

Anonymous said...

What you get paid is a function of skill and opportunity and one's ability to exploit the opportunity with their skill.

Of the 400 wealthiest in this country, 2/3s created their own wealth. These people are not just lucky or fortunate. They are mostly educated, resourceful AND hard working people.

The person that makes 1,000x your income is probably that much more deserving than you.

aux arcs said...

Anon, you are a great example of a a hard-working capitalist; what with you yelling at liberals on blogs all day. Now, please go create more wealth for those of us in the lower middle-class, please?

dctrojan said...

please don't blog on my time, asshole.

And... 5.30. Another 55 hour week draws to a close, and now I can respond to Captain Charm-school. Hooray!

the bottom quintile should just be happy with what they've got and learn to live with their plight? Another moronic comment by the beltway boy.

I hope your parents didn't send you to private school, with reading comprehension like that. I said that in the aggregate, inter-class mobility is a myth. A rudimentary understanding of statistics would also lead you to understand that the general does not always apply to the specific, so there's no harm in trying.

Of course, I'm not the one who wants to take away programs like Head Start, Pell grants, and the like in the name of liberty - or are there some government program that you do like?

Of the 400 wealthiest in this country, 2/3s created their own wealth

Hmm. So that means that 264 of the wealthiest 400 people in this country are self-made. That's about 0.000000088% (I may have bollixed up a zero there, it's 8.8 x 10 to the negative seventh) of the population. You're right, those are good odds for the bottom quintile who are willing to put their nose to the grindstone.

Anonymous said...

Hmmm, inter-class mobility is a myth? Then we SHOULD kill Head Start.

dctrojan, another example of government waste.

Government does nothing well. I give you dctrojan as one reason why.

Anonymous said...

"A statement so stupid merely typing it qualifies you for a spot on McCain's campaign team!"

Said the sad, lonely, bitter man with two blogsites about himself, and a personalized MySpace webpage.....

chmorgan said...

Really, how can you remain a Dawg fan and a sensible person politically? Look at all these fucking clowns you have to contend with. I'd like to see Obama and Tebow drop the double hammer this year just so they might consider shutting the fuck up for the merest of seconds. Won't happen, though--the shutting the fuck up part, I mean.

dctrojan said...

Anon - au contraire, my friend, government does a magnificent job of keeping the wheels of bureaucracy moving regardless of outcomes, and I am adept at that. Every time OMB introduces another idea to save money and placate the likes of you, it inevitably means more paperwork and thus more money being spent.

I look forward to your next reply of rapier-like wit.

michael said...

When it all comes down to it, you've got a bunch of dishonorable jerks that somehow believe they ought to be pardoned for wiping their asses with the Constitution. They believe in the unitary executive. If I'm noat mistaken, what they men is a monarchy without even the Mabma Carta. I believe that's what we boy in 2000. If that's what Amurrcans are willing to put up with because they're such pussies they're scared of Wabbidsts, theb, scrww 'em all and my country has ceased to exist.

Look at it this way. People that actually can vote thought W served and Kerry gamed the system. How stupid are voters?

michael said...

Social security and medicair are actually quite successful. The only problems that have ever entered into either have to do with idiotic Republican attempts to interject market economics. ARich people are greedy profiteers, and they'll screw up anything given a chance. How is it that running a company into the ground invariably makes you richas AQ Khan while stockholders that didn't ger the word and employees see pension funds dissolve? That's America? Hell, I could run a company into th gound. Seems pretty easy and standard business practicem and it seems like it;s exceptionallu licrative. Is that what they teach in business svhool

michael said...

Holy shit. Who earned what? Board members passing on gilded parachutes for guys that will hand over golden parachutes for the guys that took care of them, abd they bitch about taxes, and if they aren't always guys, they'te Carla, whose got so much on the guys the cash just rolls over. Crooks and Ponxi. Making excuses is ludicrous.

When failing miserably one step ahead of the IRS and the FBI earns you woo times what the people that do the work earn, that's GOP Wasteland.

Anonymous said...

Methinks "Michael" = "dctrojan."

Anonymous said...

I don't think so, DCTrojan was able to maintain his composure, gramamtically at least, throughout his posts at the same time making some salient points. "Michael" like all too many Bush-haters wasn't able to maintain his composure at all during any of his rants.

Michael reveals his personality (and psychology) from the errors in his texts. One can visualize the spittle being discharged from 'Michael's' mouth in a Tourette's-like frenzy the more he painfully emitted his anger over Bush.

It reminded me of Michelle Obama's Princeton thesis on the need for Black Separatism in which she made a number of errors (which were allowed to stand in final print) in her conclusions. Just as with Michael, you can viscerally feel the emotional conflict raging within Michelle from her typo's as she describes her internal conflict. Even good novelists can't makes this stuff up.

dctrojan said...

Anon @ 6.51 pm, thank you for the grammatical vote of confidence.

Anon @ 5.55 pm, why on earth would I exchange one pseudonym for another? I'm entirely comfortable with my various digital scribblings, regardless of your (apparently ongoing) disapprobation.

Anonymous said...

Sorry, it was the similarity of the verbosity and lack of substance. Like another eloquent yet empty suit liberal with whom I am familiar.

dctrojan said...

Anon @ 6.19 a.m. - great news! And an explanation of why I didn't respond yesterday. I was busy with some interviews over at Justice. I told them that I really really wanted to work for the President and didn't know all that much about the Constitution. They said I could have the job as long as I agreed before this morning's Washington Post came out - I guess maybe they were going to post an announcement?

Anyway, I'm now the assistant deputy associate attorney general for blog commentary. I'm hoping that you can point me towards some of the sources of your incisive rhetoric and detailed rebuttals to liberal lies, because this thread really is the gold standard for that.

Thanks a ton!