Wednesday, March 7
Droppin' the deuce: A very special birthday Mystery Meat.
That's right, suckers -- today marks the second berfday of Hey Jenny Slater. Two glorious years of football trash-talking, political trash-talking, hot chicks, and indiscriminate cursing. How awesome is it? I think the phrase you're looking for is "extremely f$#!ing awesome," my friend.
That said, though, there may be some of you who have only started reading this blog recently, and two years is a lot to catch up on. I certainly don't expect you to go back and read five-hundred-something posts in one sitting, unless you're, like, a Maytag repairman or a backup quarterback for the Indianapolis Colts or Dick Cheney's ethics advisor and you really don't have anything else to do for the next couple weeks. For those of you who've just joined us, here's the gist of the first two years of Hey Jenny Slater, as condensed as I can possibly make it.
· The Georgia Bulldogs are awesome. Oops . . . no they're not. But wait, yes they are. And I am awesome for covering them. Whatever the case, Georgia Tech still sucks hard.
Georgia Bulldogs: Great team, or greatest team?
· Not awesome: George W. Bush, Republicans in general.
· Also awesome: the Washington Redskins, the Pet Shop Boys, Wes Clark, "30 Rock," Tom Selleck, cheese grits, Citroëns.
· And, of course, Boston Terriers.
It doesn't get much more badass than this.
· "The Simpsons" and college football are practically the same thing; Pluto is a whiny little bitch; I am a hater; Sexy Santa costumes kick ass.
· I look like Elle MacPherson, yet am somehow still a loser.
· Nevertheless, that has not kept this blog from becoming the preferred blog of former Miss Georgia Monica Pang.
· Birthdays are important to me, so you should probably buy me stuff.
· I have a richly detailed fantasy life.
· But, completely separate from that, I will be moving to France soon because I'm the future husband of a French newscaster Melissa Theuriau, or (in the words of official Hey Jenny Slater friend-for-life Benjie) "that French chick who does the news in Barbie clothes."
In some alternate dimension, this may actually be true.
· And finally, I throw toasters.
There. I hope that gets you up to speed. Now you are well qualified to jump into the comments thread and tell me how awesome I am.