Wednesday, March 26

A memo from the desk of Arnold T. Pants, Esq.:
Bloggerpalooza rides again. Possibly. I think.

What wine goes with Doritos and Krispy Kremes served off the trunk of a Toyota?

I am horribly, disgracefully negligent in getting the word out about this, but Georgia's spring game is a week from Saturday, and you know what that means -- Bloggerpalooza '08 is finna jump off like a motherfucker, or whatever the kids are saying these days. Bloggerpalooza, in case you're not familiar with the concept, began in 2006 as a tailgate gathering of Georgia sports bloggers and fans of same in celebration of G-Day; well, that was the idea, but late starts and a massive downpour dialed things back just a tad, to the point where it was just me, Kyle King, and two other folks cowering in the North Campus parking deck eating fried chicken. Last year's installment was rather more successful, featuring dramatically increased attendance, copious amounts of booze, and drunk people somehow falling out of trees barely big enough to even cast a shadow. I don't think it's any coincidence that Georgia's 2007 season was substantially better than 2006, so people, in spite of my half-assed planning, we need to make this one good! For the sake of the Dawgs!

Kickoff of the G-Day game is 2 p.m.; an 11 a.m. start to the tailgating festivites will give us about three hours of eatin' and drankin', yesno? (Actually, you guys can start whenever the hell you want; I'm just gonna need a little extra time to make it over from Birmingham.) Weather permitting, we'll meet in the same spot as last year, on the north quad right in front of the main library (map here), and if the weather doesn't cooperate, fuck it, we'll meet up at Mellow Mushroom as a fallback.

Please to be leaving your RSVPs and whatnot in the comments threads, and be sure to also include a) what you can bring, whether it's foodstuffs or lawn-lounging-furniture-related-type items, and b) an e-mail address so that I can send out my cell number to all prospective attendees before the big day. Non-bloggers and/or non-Georgia fans are also welcome. Hope to see you there.

Popcrunch has done all of us in the collegiate-sports-blogging community a tremendous service by ranking the top 50 schools in D-I based on the relative hotness of the female student population, thereby giving all of us some actual statistical evidence to turn to when we've fought each other to a stalemate based on actual football prowess and decide to turn to who's got hotter girls. Not surprisingly, the SEC comes out on top, providing six of the top 10 (including Georgia), but the Pac-10 isn't far behind. Popcrunch names Arizona State #1, which is fortuitous for two reasons -- one, I'll be heading out to Tempe for the Georgia-Arizona State game this September, and two, well, I'll just direct you to the previous post.

I'm coming, ladies. Prepare.

I'm going to try and introduce a whole new phrase into the colloquial English lexicon: "It's because the surge is working." Anytime someone comes at you with a bit of momentous news, good or bad, that you really don't care about in the slightest, just respond in a monotone voice with some variation on "It's because the surge is working." I'll give you a few examples of how to use this:

YOUR FRIEND: Did you hear? Bob just got a promotion at his job! And it comes with a big raise!

YOU: Well, that proves the surge is working.

YOUR FRIEND: Man, did I get some bad news from the doctor today. He said I've got kidney stones.

YOU: That's because the surge is working.

See, there's practically nothing it won't work with -- just as there isn't any development in Iraq that won't make the Bush administration say the surge is working. If violence is down, huzzah, that proves the surge is working. And if violence is up, and skirmishes are erupting all over southern Iraq between the government and the militias, then guess what?

WASHINGTON (AFP) — The Pentagon on Wednesday said an eruption of violence in southern Iraq, where US-backed government forces were battling Shiite militias, was a "by-product of the success of the surge."

Forget Colt 45 -- this, apparently, works every time.

That's right -- it's because the surge is working! (Hat tip: Atrios.) I dare say that if Nouri al-Maliki won "American Idol" or the rivers started running red with Marinara sauce, that'd somehow be connected to the success of the surge, too. So go ahead, people -- whip out this phrase any time you hear something you're just not interested in. And if this whole idea sounds really stupid to you, then that just means the surge is working! BOO-YA!

You know, I'm really trying to do a better job of being more forgiving and spending less time and energy holding grudges, but every once in a while I see something that just plain lifts my spirits and makes me break out in a schadenfreude-eating grin, and yesterday that something was the news that Hawaii defensive back Keenan Jones had been arrested for "unauthorized entry into a motor vehicle" and second-degree assault.

If you think you remember seeing Jones's name on this blog before, you have: He was the little turd who laid a late cheap shot on Mikey Henderson during Georgia's first punt return in the Sugar Bowl and spent the rest of the game flapping his gums at everyone from Georgia's players to the referees themselves. Jones had already been busted for assaulting his girlfriend exactly one year ago; now he's got two felonies to add to his rap sheet. Jones has yet to do anything to back up his mountains of on-field trash talk, and it's safe to say he probably won't get the chance now, unless Halawa Correctional Facility has a "Longest Yard"-style gridiron matchup planned in the next few months.

Keenan, in the spirit of Christian love and forgiveness, I'd like to pass along some advice to you from Diedrich Bader's character in "Office Space": "Watch out for your cornhole there, bud."

Is it just me or is he already looking a little nervous?

Chuck Norris is apparently cranky that his homeboy Mike Huckabee is out of the race for the Republican presidential nomination, because he spent last weekend penning this column rehashing the usual right-wing tropes about how the U.S. was so much better back before we started regulating handguns and letting gay people out of the closet. He doesn't even have the self-awareness to come up with a more imaginative title than "Guns, God and Gays," which is actually the cliché used by snotty, godless pinko liberals like me to explain how the GOP is continually able to sucker rural red-staters into voting against their economic interests. But this is the part that really got me:

Lastly, I was appalled when I read the American Family Association report that Friday, April 25, "several thousand schools across the nation will be observing 'Day of Silence (DOS).' DOS is a nationwide push to promote the homosexual lifestyle in public schools. … DOS is sponsored by an activist homosexual group, the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network."

If you're thinking that the American Family Association is perhaps not the best place to go for objective, factual information on the Day of Silence, here's what it's actually about:

The National Day of Silence brings attention to anti-LGBT name-calling, bullying and harassment in schools. This year’s event will be held in memory of Lawrence King, a California 8th-grader who was shot and killed Feb. 12 by a classmate because of his sexual orientation and gender expression. Hundreds of thousands of students will come together on April 25 to encourage schools and classmates to address the problem of anti-LGBT behavior.

Yup, that's what Chuck and the AFA have such a big problem with. They're not just against the "promotion" of the "homosexual lifestyle," they're against the very idea that gay kids shouldn't be bullied or assaulted in schools.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris's beard, only another fist . . . aimed at gay kids.

Maybe Chuck Norris is just a victim of his own success -- after vanquishing Hezbollah, communism, and the Octagon, he has so thoroughly rid the world of evil and oppression that he's reduced to picking on gay kids in schools. Chuck, I appreciate your hard work and sacrifice, but you know what? You've turned into kind of a pussy.

Yes, I said it! If Lone Wolf McQuaid has a problem with it, he can come and find me.


Anonymous said...

Do you mean the new Mellow Mushroom (in the old Compadres location), the (former) Tavern At The Arch ("The Arch!", now closed), or the 5 Points MM?

(Also, I think Steverino's, which reopened several months ago, is closed again.)

NCT said...

Dang, anonymous. Now I'm confused. I was thinking the Mellow Mushroom was where there was a Wendy's for a couple of years downtown, followed by some bar whose name I forget that had a most excellent selection of beer. You know, just down from Banker's that became Harry Bissett's and Yudi's that became Starbucks and The Grill that became Schlotzky's that probably became something else by now after the Grill moved to its new location on College just up the block from where The Varsity used to be (although that bit was way before my time).

One of my favorite pastimes is yapping with my parents about what has been where, comparing their Athens from 1950-60 with mine of 1984-91 (and with all of us having made frequent visits at all times between and since).

But let's hope for fair weather. If I'm going to be inside somewhere downtown on a Saturday, I'd rather be in a bar.

Junkyarddawg34 said...

I'm sure the Mellow Mushroom on Broad closed for the same 'reason' that the Varsity (where 5 Guys now sits) on Broad . . . not enough business . . . Not sure how either of those happened.

PS. NCT, once The Grill took up shop, Schlotsky's never came back.

Unknown said...

The old Mellow Mushroom on Broad closed a year or so ago. I don't think I've ever had worse service at an Athens establishment than I had at that place.

The new one is on East Clayton in the old Compadre's location like nct said. It's next to Doc Chey's and pretty close to Molly's and Junkman's if that helps.

Preston Porter said...

would love to come...but all I really do is steal yall's stuff and forward it to my that considered blogging?

Gotta get my hands on some tix tho

I had a previous engagement that has since canceled.

ACG said...

a) Consider this my RSVP. You knew this already, 'cause I'll be, y'know, riding up there with you.

b) Chuck Norris, in his open vest over no shirt and his single fingerless glove, is probably not in the best position to be gay-bashing.

NCT said...

jd34: I'm certain that The Grill and Schlotzky's exchanged places with one another, although Schlotzsky's may not have lasted very long at the Grill's old Broad location. But we are talking about 20+ years ago here. Anyone remember Abbott's?

And dang I'm old. I know Junkman's moved from its Broad location down the hill a ways from the Holiday Inn. Doc Chey's ... isn't that where Michael's department store used to be?

DAve said...

Doug - I know I sent you an e-mail offering our area, but we were just discussing and it looks like the few TCers that will be there might hang with y'all, if that's cool. Pretty much all our tailgate stuff is at someone's house who won't be there so we're fubared on the tents, but I got a few tailgate chairs. I'll be more than happy to contribue some Maker's Mark and pot brownies.

We're thinking it'll be eh, eight or nine of us max, if that.

Anonymous said...

nct: Yeah, there have been a number of changes downtown. Both Doc Chey's and the new Mellow Mushroom are in the Michael's Brothers building (there's some Athens history for y'all). Also, if you haven't been to Athens in a year or so: That take-out Chinese place on the corner of Broad and College (formerly Cheng's/China Express, where the Varsity used to be a long time ago) is now a Five Guys. So, add that to the list of Athens institutions gone (see: Rocky's, Steverino's, DaVinci's, Hunan, Gutherie's, ...). (Allen's is back, but in a different location; it's now near the intersection of Hawthorne and Oglethorpe, near Bishop Park.)

Will said...

Wow. I was living in Athens until late July '07...and it seems it's gone and changed a ton since.
At least I've had a good excuse for not noticing the few times I was back downtown (though I did notice there seem to be even more bars, including one with weird countertops under the Gameday condos).
But I will be there, with beer (I'm planning on a mix of Toohey's, Stella, and something cheaper, like Bud Select or Miller Lite.)
Hopefully our tree-climbing buddy comes back, he was an inspiration to children everywhere.

NCT said...

Re Allen's: I hope I don't offend anyone, but I went to the "new" Allen's, and all I can say is, "Sometimes dead is betta."

When I started school, where Rocky's soon opened was a place called Chow Goldberg's, a kosher chinese deli (which explained the pagoda wallpaper in the internal meeting room). When my dad was in high school and college, it was Tony's, a Greek restaurant -- my dad went to high school with Tony's son.

It's funny how we're only there for a few or even several years, yet somehow it seems that it's always been the same. Changes are often seen as huge disruptions in tradition when it's really just par for the course.

Where is that large automobile?

Universal Remonster said...

Unfortunately the government has taken extra special care to rape me this tax season, so my plan to come up has been foiled, barring an act of gratitude from a family member. But you never know. Maybe I'll just freak out and fly up again.


Josh M. said...

COMPADRES! I need me a spinach enchilada, stat. And then I'll wash it down with a beer at Mean Mikes.

Five Guys downtown? Mellow Mushroom not on Broad? Cats and dogs, living together?

When I get rich, I'm buying all of Athens and reinstating it to its full 1995 glory. Including late night dancing at the Georgia Theater and Q-Zar.

Anonymous said...

I remember Tony's, from back in 1969 until at least the late 70s, maybe later. I always thought it was Italian, but the funniest thing was the owner always wore a coat and tie and insisted on seating you and then handed you a mimeographed "Menu of the Day", only it was almost always the same thing, and always included two freshly baked seeded brown and serve rolls from the bread plant that used to be behind it.

That's the glory of Athens.

Will said...

Josh, don't forget to turn that nice old building across from Blind Pig back into a glorious combination of bar and gym.
There's just something wrong with a glorious booze-dispensing place being converted to a den of telemarketing...

Anonymous said...

will: The former O'Malley's location is no longer a telemarketing office; that's your (interim) home of the new UGA School of Medicine (well, MCG-Athens). (The plan is to start the SoM there, then move it to Normaltown once the Navy School moves out around 2011.)

NCT said...

Ah, O'Malley's. Back in the day, my particular peer group made such fun of the place as being a den of acid-wash jeans and mullets. But no doubt it was among the finest (if not the finest) facilities among all drinking establishments in town. The historic setting, the cool brick walls, the amazing decks climbing out over the river... And us cool guys were hanging out at a filthy cinderblock hole-in-the-wall at the end of a strip shopping center up Baxter street. Good times.

Unknown said...

Oh fyi, I think The Tavern closed down a couple months ago also. ;)

I've heard the old Dial America building across from Blind Pig will be the temporary location of the UGA branch of MCG in '09 until the old Navy site is ready. If only it was ready a year earlier I wouldn't have to leave. ;(

SlawDawg said...

don't worry doug! ChiliDawg and I got it covered. we'll be bringing the varsity (my crew) and ofcourse lots of alcoholic beverages. can't wait to see you on campus man!

DAve said...

Ah, O'Malleys, where "minimum legal drinking age" was more of a suggestion than a law.

Reed said...

Holy Crap. They used a photo I took for the Nebraska girls in that top-50. Thanks for posting, Doug. I may have to write a rebuttal.

Anonymous said...

You guys are getting me all teary eyed...sniff sniff. I've only been back a few times in the last couple of years, so in my mind, I'll continue to picture Josh's 1995 Athens.