Tuesday, March 25

The clouds part, the sun comes shining down, a ray of light falls on me . . .

Some days you turn on the news and you see a story that just lets you know it's gonna be your week:

Women should wed a man who is uglier than them if they want a happy marriage, according to new research.

Psychologists found blokes who were better looking than their wives were more likely to be unhappy dealing with married life.

But guys with prettier partners tended to be more content, said the University of Tennessee.

There are some obvious caveats with this study, of course -- the first being that it was done at the University of Tennessee, whose last major research project was a thesis titled "Moonshine Gits [sic] you Drunk." Then there's the fact that this study is open to different interpretations, with "Men are shallow and are thus likely to be more supportive of hotter spouses" springing quickly to mind.

But hey, what do I know? I'm not a scientist. Research is research.

Ladies, you know where to reach me. The line forms to the left.

A scientifically proven match made in heaven.


Universal Remonster said...

You know, whenever I see a couple walking down the street I take into effect the "hotness quotient", which is a sophisticated equation I came up with when I was drunk.

First, you check the girl for crazy eyes on a scale of 1-10. This is "z".

Then you take the hotness of the guy, or "x", on a scale from 1 - 10, and do the same for the girl, who is "y".

E is equal to compatability rating. a score from .9 - 1.25 is a good physical match, however a score higher than that means you need to ditch the bitch, and if you score lower you need to watch out because she's cheating on you.

Follow the equation as such-

E = x/y (1 + (z/10))

You and Melissa score a .845, so according to my estimates if you WERE a couple she'd be using more professional services than Spitzer.

Will said...

I like this study a lot more than the Harper's findings that majorities of women in their 20s and 30s would marry for money.
But it is possible the two are connected...

Anonymous said...

I agree with the different interpretation of "men are shallow and are happier with hotter chicks." I also agree that the French chick is way hotter than you.

Josh M. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Josh M. said...

I'm testing the theory out as we speak.

Of course, it's not exactly an original idea.

(That's not a Rick Roll, I swear).

Hobnail_Boot said...

I think you've got it backwards.

It speaks to the shallowness of women that relationships work more often when they are 'the pretty one'. It's why you rarely see an average-looking woman with a really good-looking guy.

Contrast that with the number of times you've seen some total dweeb who out-punted his coverage by a good 3+ points on the universal 10-point hotness scale.

Anonymous said...

Some of you will recognize the name of Bill Brown. He is a highly respected retired member of the Billy Graham team. And I am blessed to count him as a friend whom I've known a long time. (His wife is the British actress who was in one of the Billy Graham films. She is also an author.) So I take his assessment of Obama very seriously and for that reason accept his challenge to pass this on. I share his concern about the "rock star" image Obama has and watch with growing concern at the celebrity status the media has foisted upon him. I hope this email informs you in a wise way.


We are witnessing a political phenomenon with
Barack Obama of rare magnitude. His speeches have
inspired millions and yet most of his followers
have no idea of what he stands for except
platitudes of "Change" or that he says he will be
a "Uniter". The power of speech from a
charismatic person truly can be a powerful thing.
Certainly Billy Graham had charisma and both his
manner of speech and particularly the content
changed millions. On the extreme other hand, the
charisma of Adolph Hitler inspired millions and
the results were catastrophic. Barack Obama
certainly is no Hitler or a Billy Graham, but for
many Americans out there feeling just like a
surfer who might be ecstatic and euphoric while
riding a tidal wave, the real story is what happens when it hits shore.

Just Some of What Defines Barack Obama:

· He voted against banning partial " birth abortion.
· He voted no on notifying parents of
minors who get out-of-state abortions.
· Supports affirmative action in Colleges and Government.
· In 2001 he questioned harsh penalties for drug dealing.
· Says he will deal with street level
drug dealing as minimum wage affair.
· Admitted marijuana and cocaine use in high school and in college.
· His religious convictions are very murky.
· He is willing to meet with Fidel
Castro, Hugo Chavez, Kim Jung Il andMahmoud Ahmadinejad.
· Has said that one of his first goals
after being elected would be to have a conference with all Muslim nations.
· Opposed the Patriot Act.
· First bill he signed that was passed was campaign finance reform..
· Voted No on prohibiting law suits against gun manufacturers.
· Supports universal health-care.
· Voted yes on providing habeas corpus for Guantanamo detainees.
· Supports granting driver's licenses to illegal immigrants..
· Supports extending welfare to illegal immigrants.
· Voted yes on comprehensive immigration reform.
· Voted yes on allowing illegal aliens to
participate in Social Security.
· Wants to make the minimum wage a "living wage".
· Voted with Democratic Party 96 percent of 251 votes.
· Is a big believer in the separation of church and state.
· Opposed to any efforts to Privatize
Social Security and instead supports increasing the amount of tax paid.
· He voted No on repealing the Alternative Minimum Tax
· He voted No on repealing the "Death" Tax
· He wants to raise the Capital Gains Tax.
· Has repeatedly said the surge in Iraq has not succeeded.
· He is ranked as the most liberal
Senator in the Senate today and that takes some doing.

If your political choices are consistent with
Barack Obama's and you think that his positions
will bring America together or make it a better
place, then you will probably enjoy the ride and
not forward this Email. If you are like most
Americans that after examining what he stands
for, are truly not in line with his record, it
would be prudent to get off the wave or better
yet, never get on, before it comes on shore and
undermines the very foundations of this great
Country. We have limited time to save America or
the Supreme Court as we know it. Inaction is action.

If you agree this is important, pass it on. The
mainstream media will not do it for you!

Josh M. said...

C'mon Doug, stop commenting on your own blog as "Anonymous."

Universal Remonster said...

Actually, I think that was the ghost of my grandfather.

Astronaut Mike Dexter said...

Now now, guys, I think we should applaud anonymous for his hard effort. It takes real courage and individualism to do dig deep and expose the kind of secret, privileged information known only to that very select group of people who haven't been in a coma the last six months.

I don't typically censor comments on this blog, but I'm implementing a new rule: From now on, if you want to leave a long, rambling comment that has nothing to do with the post you're leaving it at, you have to do it at your own blog instead. Don't have one? Because I'm a mensch, I'll even start one for you. Anonymous, here's yours.