Friday, February 1

The Friday Random Ten+5 offers it up.

When my sister and I were little and there was something we wanted to do but couldn't, or there were two things we wanted to spend our money on but could only afford one, or we wanted to sit around being lazy and watching cartoons but we had chores to do or service commitments or something like that, my mom's phrase was always "offer it up" -- i.e., offer it up to God, make that your sacrifice for that day, give it to Him instead of yourself as a sign that you're trying, that you recognize there's something out there bigger than yourself.

Welcome to life in a Catholic household. Guilt? You're soaking in it!

But anyway, that brings me to my real point, which is that Lent is coming up -- it starts next week on Ash Wednesday -- and a whole season of offering-up is fixing to get started. Normally we Papists give up one or two things, but I figured, hey, why not go above and beyond the call duty and make it a nice round five. Yup, this week's +5 is Five Things I'm Giving Up For Lent:

Fried food
I gave this up for Lent last year and ended up losing like five pounds. So I figure why not. Giving up chicken fingers is gonna hurt, though. If I was trapped on a desert island and could only eat one kind of food for the rest of my life, it'd be chicken fingers.

The F-bomb
This is part of a larger, ongoing effort on my part to tone down my language a little bit in general. When you drop phrases like "son of a bitch" and "cocksucker" in staff meetings at work, it might be time to rein things in just a tad.

Submitted without comment. (You're welcome.)

Hard liquor
This one's probably going to be the toughest out of all of them, because oh, how I loves me a vodka martini (straight up, with a twist) every once or twice in a while. But I figure I had to give up booze of some kind, and liquor's more expensive than beer, so I figured this might save me a little money over the next couple months.

Yup, for the next 40 days I'm off the junk. Now all I can do is sit and wait for that baby to start crawling across the ceiling.

So what does all this mean? . . . Well, it means that on Tuesday evening, you'll be able to find me in my apartment, rubbing one out while I tear through a fucking party-size bucket of Guthrie's, guzzle a fifth of Stoli, and inject some of Afghanistan's finest between my toes.

I'm only kidding, of course. Mostly.

Anyway, the Ten:

1. Pet Shop Boys, "It's Alright" (10" version)
2. Fatboy Slim, "Love Life"
3. The Beastie Boys, "Shadrach"
4. Serge Gainsbourg, "AĆ©roplanes" (Readymade's bold mix)
5. Prodigy, "Smack My Bitch Up" (DJ Hype remix)
6. Pete Heller, "Big Love"
7. Fatboy Slim, "Push and Shove"
8. 3rd Bass, "Desert Boots"
9. Orbital, "You Lot"
10. Eric B. & Rakim, "My Melody"

Let's hear about your own Random Tens and/or Lenten sacrifices in the comments thread, folks.


Faulkner said...

I'm giving up booze completely.
I started my binge last night with 3 martinis. I'm going to roll into Ash Wednesday with a hangover and a desire to get clean.

Anonymous said...

i guess i'll give up bong hits

Anonymous said...

While it may not be in keeping with the true spirit of Lent to soak in Stoli or gorge on Guthrie's, just remember that Sundays do not count toward the 40 days of Lent (each Sunday is supposed to be celebrated as a "little" Easter therefore it should be joyous)

beast in 'bama said...

"People think it's all about misery and desperation and death and all that shite, which is not to be ignored, but what they forget is the pleasure of it. Otherwise we wouldn't do it. After all, we're not fucking stupid. At least, we're not that fucking stupid. Take the best orgasm you ever had, multiply it by a thousand and you're still nowhere near it. When you're on junk you have only one worry: scoring. When you're off it you are suddenly obliged to worry about all sorts of other shite. Got no money: can't get pished. Got money: drinking too much. Can't get a bird: no chance of a ride. Got a bird: too much hassle. You have to worry about bills, about food, about some football team that never fucking wins, about human relationships and all the things that really don't matter when you've got a sincere and truthful junk habit."

Most frightening baby since Rosemary's gestation.

Anonymous said...

You'll be out before we get the check.

Anonymous said...

I used to have the Catholic guilt. Had a schism. Gave it up. Feel much better now. I don't have to listen to rich single men who pretend to be celibate and hoard much of the world's wealth while asking for more donations to help feed the poor. If they had an auction at the Vatican they could end poverty.
Damn, where did that soap box come from?

1. Flesh for Lulu, "I Go Crazy"
2. Queen, "Keep Yourself Alive"
3. John Hartford, "Indian War Whoop"
4. U2, "Sunday Bloody Sunday"
5. Diaspora Soul, "Diaspora Soul"
6. Gene Chandler, "Duke of Earl"
7. Southern Culture on the Skids, "Banana Puddin'"
8. Stan Kenton, "Waltz of the Prophets"
9. Outkast, "Church"
10. Dinah Washington, "Key to the Highway"

And one to grow on: Sly and the Family Stone, "It's a Family Affair"

Kanu said...

Well done Jerry, you already used my line. 40 days with no self-gratification? Lower your standards as much as needed and find yourself a bird my man.

Ahora, El Diez:

1. "Walk So Lonely" by St. Germain, from ' Mezzotinto'

2. "Moon Sequence" by The Herbaliser, from 'Very Mercenary'

3. 'Certainly" by Erykah Badu, from 'Baduizm'

4. "A Volte" by Arsenal, from 'Brazilified'

5. "Somebody Already Broke My Heart" by Sade, from 'Lovers Live'

6. "(Man) Tha Journey" by Nightmares On Wax, from 'Smoker's Delight'

7. "Protector's Of 1472 (feat. Snoop)" by Jermaine Dupree, from 'Life in 1472'

8. "'Ama'ama" by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole, from 'Facing Future'

9. "Rule" by Nas, from 'Stillmatic'

10. "What's Your Fantasy?" by Ludacris, from 'Back For The First Time'

Anonymous said...

The road to Hell is paved with good intentions, Mr. Doug.

We'll be watching to see how long you can go w/o dropping a bomb or two over at Orson's place.

Josh M. said...

It's so much easier to be agnostic.

ACG said...

It's so much easier to be agnostic.

I don't know, maybe...

Anonymous said...

Easier to be agnostic? Emptier might be a better term, imo. Agnosticism isn't going to satisfy anyone. I can at least respect a hard core atheist from an intellectual viewpoint.

ACG said...

I completely disagree, anonymous. An atheist, like someone who believes in a god, believes something that he can't possible prove to be the case. An agnostic at least respects logic and reason and acknowledges that there's no way of knowing.

Anonymous said...

An atheist or a believer has made an inquiry and has made a choice; an agnostic has decided to drink another beer (or whatever) instead of stopping to think. Jmho.

Anonymous said...

mmmmm. Guthries.