For the first time in the brief history of the Friday Random Ten+5, you're getting to vote on which is the best of the five. This week is the Five Funniest Unintentional Innuendoes Of The 2007 Football Season, and once you've taken a gander at all of them you'll get to vote on the Unintentional Innuendo Of The Year. I actually kind of felt bad limiting it to 2007, though, because I would've loved to include John Madden's quote about San Diego TE Antonio Gates from a couple years ago ("He just jumps up and attacks balls") or Lee Corso's advice on proper offensive-line technique ("You've got to squat, drop your butt, and explode into the hole"). Ahh, good times.
But anyway, here's the Five:
"His package is going to expand as the season wears on."
-- Unnamed analyst quoted on JOX 100.5's morning show about Auburn coaches opening up the playbook for freshman QB Kodi Burns
"I rode him so hard. I was in his earhole . . . "
-- Phil Fulmer, referring to motivational tactics used on Tennessee placekicker Daniel Lincoln, as quoted by Dave Neal during Lincoln Financial's broadcast of the Alabama-Tennessee game
"If I'm Georgia, I'm gonna ride my hot guy right now."
-- CBS's Gary Danielson on Georgia tailback Knowshon Moreno, shortly before the Georgia-Auburn game
"And it winds up being Vince Hall coming in the face of Peter Lalich."
-- ESPN's Andre Ware during the Virginia-Virginia Tech game
"Ladies and gentlemen, please rise for our national anthem as it is played by the trombones of New Orleans's very own Bonerama."
-- PA announcer at the Louisiana Superdome shortly before kickoff of the Sugar Bowl
Got all that? Picked yourself up off the floor yet? OK, now vote:
And here's the Ten:
1. U2, "Mysterious Ways" (Massive Attack remix)
2. Pet Shop Boys, "To The Shore"
3. The Mighty Mighty Bosstones, "The Impression That I Get"
4. Pet Shop Boys, "A Red Letter Day" (Basement Jaxx vocal remix)
5. Chicane, "Autumn Tactics"
6. The Beastie Boys, "Bodhisattva Vow"
7. Fatboy Slim, "Right Here Right Now"
8. Big Bad Voodoo Daddy, "You & Me & The Bottle Makes 3 Tonight (Baby)"
9. LL Cool J, "Mama Said Knock You Out"
10. The Clash, "This Is Radio Clash"
Throw your own Tens in the comments -- and by all means, if you've heard any funny commentator innuendos over the past 12 months, let me hear about those two. C'mon, we know we're all 10 years old deep down.
In Gary Danielson's defense, I can think of a couple of people who'd be willing to "put [Knowshon Moreno] in and ride him all night," myself included.
I must start a write in campaign for Chris Speilman during the Emerald Bowl, Oregon St vs. Maryland during which he said, referring to a pass-rushing Maryland linebacker after a particularly vicious manhandling of Oregon St's QB..."he smells sack and he gets sack"
Not exactly innuendo, but certainly ironic - Ron Cherry's "giving him the business" call in the NCSt/Maryland game. The lineman's number was #69.
What was that poster that some girl flashed up in the stands about Moreno? "Knowshon is on my to-do list" or something like that.
1. Lyle Lovett, "What Do You Do/The Glory of Love"
2. .Johnny Cash, "Folsom Prison Blues"
3. Slovak Philharmonic, "Allegro Con Fuoco - Sym #9 Dvorak"
4. Nat King Cole Trio, "Embraceable You"
5. Talking Heads, "Once in a Lifetime"
6. Dwight Yoakam, "Throughout All Time"
7. Blood, Sweat, and Tears, "And When I Die"
8. Outkast, "Church"
9. Rage Against the Machine, "Renegades of Funk"
10. Robert Johnson, "Hell Hound on my Trail"
And one to grow on: Foo Fighters, "Everlong"
Sorry Gillett, no Pet Shop Boys this week. You are truly the master of the Pet Shop Boys scene.
is phat phil crankin' dat soulja boy in that picture?? superman dat ho brotha!!
I remember something from the season before last that had me rolling.... it was something along the lines of "he got penetration and then tore that hole right open with his size."
Here's a couple I dug up from the Awful Announcing blog:
"Eric Ainge busted one. Watch the inside rub here."- Gary Danielson
"He Face Raped Him!"- Dave Lapham
"Certainly a coming out party for Johnson."- Tim Brandt
"Just throw it up to the 6 foot 3 Johnson" - Dan Fouts
(gotta love the Johnson jokes)
"Ahh, rivals, they spend a lot of time painting themselves up and undressing"- Brent Musburger
"The guys say he is so precious with the young boys."- Holly Rowe talking about Tim Tebow
and my favorite this season --
"Did you see any of those events in 1969?"- Ron Franklin
"I was in my mom most of 1969."- Ed Cunningham
Here's one from Saturday's Packers-Seahawks game. Tony Seragusa told us Matt Hassleback doesn't like it when they come right up in his face. Well, I would guess not.
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