Monday, September 12

Not to make a gross exaggeration or anything, but football is the greatest thing in the history of the world, ever.

So we're sitting there at this guy Rob's house in Athens, watching the Georgia-South Carolina game, and with Georgia up 7-0 in the second quarter, the Cocks intercept a tipped D.J. Shockley pass and run it back for a touchdown. There are TVs in two different rooms of the house, Georgia fans watching one, South Carolina fans watching the other, and of course all the USC people rush into our room and start talking smack. And I'm like, "OK, when your offense can put any points on the board, you be sure to let me know." And this other guy is like, "Whatever, dude, what's the score?" Like we were already tied or something. So I look over at the TV, where they're lining up for the extra point, and I'm like, "It's 7-6." All the South Carolina people are like "Yeah, whatever."

And then the USC kicker . . . shanks the extra point.

Oh, the derision that rained down upon them. And now we know two things: 1) I have the power to bend the laws of physics to my own personal whim, and 2) if Georgia needs a botched extra point and a missed 2-point conversion to beat South Carolina, we're probably not as good as everyone's been saying. Still, we beat Spurrier.

Other highlights from the weekend:

· UAB beat Troy 27-7 on the strength of another good day from Darrell Hackney and another unusually good performance from the defense. Now, it's true Troy hasn't had an offense in years, but four interceptions is still nothing to sneeze at.

· Alabama's Tyrone Prothro made one of the most amazing catches I've ever seen in their 30-21 win over Southern Miss, amazing enough to make people forget that Alabama was down 21-10 to USM in the first place. Seriously, if you don't know what I'm talking about, you gotsta watch a clip of the catch here.

· My Washington Redskins beat the Chicago Bears 9-7. Wow, it sounds like it must've been . . . well, the most boring game ever, but a win is a win, and I'm confident we'll get into the end zone next week.

· And most importantly, my fantasy football team, the Sloppy Seconds, posted the highest second-highest Week 1 point total in the Big Ass Football League (pending tonight's action between Atlanta and Philly) thanks to two big fat TD receptions from Keenan McCardell and a 9-of-11, 218-yard, 2-TD performance from quarterback Ben Roethlisberger, whom Josh ragged me incessantly for having taken in the second round of our fantasy draft. Meanwhile, Josh's first-round draft pick, Donovan "Dude, Where's My Receivers" McNabb? Didn't even start him this week. Some terrific roster strategy there, chief.

Ah, the first weekend of both college and NFL football action. It's like Christmas, only with more beer and you don't have to buy stuff for other people. Which makes it actually better than Christmas, in a way.

Corrected to account for Josh's team just barely squeaking past me after the Monday-night results were factored in; he wasn't going to leave me alone until I made the correction. He's got this major need for approval and validation, see -- I think it's got something to do with him not getting enough attention as a kid -- and with his first-round draft pick potentially missing next week due to injury, I felt like this was the least I could do. No, no -- you don't have to thank me.

5 comments:

J_da_F said...

Highlight of my weekend: Michigan losing to ND.

Josh said...

Dude, your quarterback went 9-of-11! That's 11 attempts in an entire game - and odds are those 2 TDs won't be there all year... but I digress.

The "highest point total" claim is very pending indeed. I should creep past you with my two DBs and ALGE CRUMPLER going this evening.

April said...

I was disappointed this weekend in football. I'm in this thing with some other people where we choose our picks out of every NFL game. Well I only got 4 possibly 5 tonight. Man, that sucked.
Highlight of my weekend:The NY Giants kicking the Cardinals asses.

Josh said...

So no retraction on the "highest point total" assertion? My pathetic roster strategy and unkempt personal hygiene is laying waste to the league already.

Eh... Not so much said...

I saw that hit that Donovan McNabb took. He threw the ball away to avoid the sack, but it was too late. A Falcon hit him dead center in the chest, helmet first. Poor Donovan!