Wednesday, April 4

Thursday Mystery Meat.

She's on the market, fellas!

· Britney Spears and Sir Kevin of Federline have finalized their divorce settlement, and K-Fed is getting custody of the two boys for four days out of the week. Think about that, Britney. You're so fucked up that Kevin Federline is technically getting greater custody of your children than you are. Is this starting to sink in yet?

In Brit's defense, I think $25,000 a month in child support is a little extreme. Now, when I first read that, I thought Kevin was going to have to pay her, and I was like, there's no way he's gonna be able to make that on a Domino's Pizza salary. But anyway. Look, I know K-Fed's future earning potential is probably slightly less than the amount I could pluck out of my couch cushions at any given moment, but does he really need 25 large a month to raise those kids? That figures out to $300K a year, and I know plenty of people who've done a bang-up job raising two kids on substantially less than that (my own parents, f'rinstance). All I'm saying is you put too much money in Fed's hands and he's going to get careless, and before you know it he's driving around in a gold-plated Navigator with a PlayStation 3 but the kids have no shoes. Think about it.

Also on the market again, just in time for Scary Movie(s) 5-XXVII.

· Speaking of divorce, but shifting slightly to women who only play airheads in the movies, is it bad that I'm kind of excited about Anna Faris becoming single again?

· Now that the oh noes!! Nancy Pelosi went to Syria!!1!!!1 meme is finally, mercifully losing traction, the right wing has settled on something new: oh noes!! Nancy Pelosi went to Syria and wore a head scarf11!1!!!1 My question is this: If Hillary Clinton gets elected president next fall and the Democrats maintain control of the House, how will you knobs ever find time to launch these kind of smears against both of them?

Audrey Hepburn, Islamonazijihadifascisist appeaser.

· Now here's a political stumper: If Rudy Giuliani is for public funding of abortions, are any of y'all really all that confident that the evangelical right are just going to hold their noses and vote for him anyway?

· Andrew Sullivan also keys us into an apparently sincere editorial in the New York Sun that will hereby be known as The Worst Idea Ever. And yet, I hope they go through with it. Yes, Republicans, please nominate Dick Cheney for president in 2008. Preferably with Tom Tancrazy or Captain Macaca as his running mate.

· The Brushback has released its mock NFL draft for 2007, and the emphasis is definitely on the "mock." To give you a taste, here's his take on Cal running back Marshawn Lynch, whom he predicts will go to the Giants with the 20th overall pick . . .

The worst player in the draft. But Tom Coughlin should be able to coach him up to the second or third worst player before he gets fired in November.

. . . and Penn State linebacker Paul Posluszny, who is predicted to go to Denver with the very next pick:

They can pick anybody here because they really don't have any holes. Actually, when they pick this guy they’ll have a hole at linebacker.

Good stuff. I'm actually kind of hoping the draft ends up going exactly like this; it'd make those ridiculous 15-minute waits between picks far more entertaining.

Paul Posluszny, hole.

· Have any of y'all been inundated lately with MySpace friend requests from anonymous chicks who basically just want to post messages on your site advertising their porn site or slutty Webcam or whatever? They're not even doing a particularly good job of it, either -- the first time I got one of these messages, there's this picture of some hot girl in her undies in my "friend request" queue, and I'm like "Hey," but then three or four more showed up with different names but the exact same picture. I mean, I like boobs just as much as the next guy, if not more, but liking boobs hasn't made me completely stupid. Just partially.


Sarah said...

The Pollyanna part of me is hoping most of that money goes to a highly-paid group of super nannies. If not, those kids are going to make it look like Tatum O'Neill has had an easy life.

JasonC said...

Actually, I wasn't surprised at the scarf, I was more surprised that her skirt wasn't a little longer- I'm no expert on this, but I believe she would have been dressed like a street walker if she was in Saudi.

jen said...

seriously, Doug? The Cheney comment made me laugh with oatmeal in my mouth. Oatmeal is NOT meant to be in the nasal cavity, Doug. OW.

Kristen410 said...

I was promised plaudits from the Big Ass Tournament Bracket. And I finished third. Third! Despite having watched 0.0 basketball games this year on the college, pro or preps level. Want to feel even worse? My bracket was identical to that of Mark Bradley. Doesn't that make you feel shitty?

Kanu said...

Re: Giuliani and the far right. Don't forget being on his 3rd wifey, the circumstances around his 2nd divorce and move to wifey #3. Oh, and the little matter of dressing up in drag. Not once. Multiple times. That shit won't be driving the far right to the polls, so they would have to put like 8 anti-gay propositions on the ballot in the red states to drive turnout. I just cannot see that dude having any chance once all the info comes out about him and people start playing hardball.

I actually think that Huckabee is probably the best candidate the Pubs have, but he isn't a big enough name so his chances seem pretty slim since small name = fundraising difficulty.

Shan said...

1. Sadly, I think the posters are right about Rudy (one of the few Repubs I would even consider) and his closet full of marital shenanigans and their impact on the Jesus freak voters (not to mention the more pro-choice positions he's taken). Most of the "conservative lemming" voters still view him only through the prism of "America's Mayor" and "he cleaned up NYC," rather than as someone with actual views and policies that may not strictly adhere to the far-right agenda.

2. The past couple of weeks there HAS been a barrage of changing name bimbos popping up in myspace e-mail and friend requests. But just like spam, there are obviously some rubes that get taken in by this, or they wouldn't be doing it.

Anonymous said...

You like boobs? I thought you said you loved dick earlier. I am so confused... But I guess you are, too. :)