Sunday, April 29

Draft day recap.

Jenna responds to New England's selection of Brandon Meriweather with the 24th overall pick with a silent but deadly fart of disapproval.

· I'm still waiting for the angry e-mail from Josh blistering the Redskins for snaking LaRon Landry with the sixth overall pick. If it's any karmic consolation, though, this seems like the 64th draft in a row in which the Redskins have made a pick in the first round and then basically disappeared for the remainder of the weekend -- this year the 'Skins don't get to pick again until the fifth round (which is still at least six hours away as I type this). What, exactly, has been the impetus behind our policy of pissing away draft picks in exchange for geriatric free agents (or, in Steve Spurrier's case, ex-Gators looking for a last chance before washing out)? Did our personnel people just decide that sitting around in Radio City Music Hall was really boring and they wanted to get the hell out and start pounding Ultimate Margaritas at the Times Square T.G.I. Friday's as soon as possible? As excited as I am about Landry, I hope we've officially shelved this "strategy" in favor of grabbing players who actually have more than three or four years left to contribute before they qualify for Medicare.

"Help me."

· OK, I think I officially feel sorry for Calvin Johnson. Obviously I didn't feel terribly sorry for him while he was aggregating 9 catches for 71 yards in three years against Georgia -- and yes, that is a pretty great stat -- but even then I had to admit that a talent like Johnson deserved to have someone better than All-World waste of space Reggie Ball throwing to him. And now Johnson is being shuttled off to The Place Where Wide Receivers Go To Die, otherwise known as the Detroit Lions. On the other hand, CJ does have considerable experience playing with mediocre quarterbacks in an organization that rarely has any clue what it's doing, so one could look at this opportunity as being tailor-made for him, if one were so inclined. And if all else fails, he can always look forward to the day when Matt Millen trades him away (in exchange for a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos and a fifth-round draft pick three years hence) to a team that actually knows what to do with him. I'm going to go ahead and set the over-under on this at 3.5 years.

· In the always-satisfying Second-Guessing ESPN Department, I have a question: How the fizzle did Saturday get turned into Brady Quinn Redemption Day? I mean, we heard more about Quinn (#22 overall) than we did about JaMarcus Russell (#1), and hell, it's not like Quinn wasn't going to sign a contract for jillions of dollars regardless of when/where he was picked. At any rate, even a numbnut like myself knows the primary reason why Quinn slid as far as he did, and it wasn't because of a less-than-stellar combine or a notable lack of clutch wins in big games during his Notre Dame career (though both of those factors contributed) -- it's because he's too pretty. Look at him! Nice kid, but if you're, say, Miami, how anxious are you really to put him up against Shaun Ellis or Richard Seymour twice a year? JaMarcus Russell looks like the kind of guy who should be hurling Shawne Merriman off his back as he launches a 50-yard touchdown pass off his back foot; by contrast, Quinn looks like he should be getting a hug from Paula Abdul on "American Idol." But hey, good luck to him. I'm sure Cleveland is due to break out at any time.

"Enough about me; let's talk about you. What do you think of me?"

· Keyshawn Johnson, added to ESPN's draft-day broadcast booth for reasons not known to this correspondent, had two of the weirdest moments of the entire day -- first, when he chimed in on Pac-Man Jones's character issues (because if there's any NFL player who is a model in terms of character, it's Keyshawn); second, when he conducted a teeth-clenchingly awkward interview with a bewildered (and possibly stoned) Dwayne Jarrett, the sole subject of which seemed to be what a valuable and selfless mentor Johnson was going to be for Jarrett with the Panthers (because if there's any NFL player who is a model in terms of unselfish team spirit, it's Keyshawn). Seriously, I thought they'd invited Me-Shawn onto the broadcast team because he'd retired; it wasn't until the Panthers selected Jarrett that I realized he was still an active player. By the way, does anyone other than me think it's odd that fully one-third of Carolina's WR corps went to USC?

· On that note, it's a shame the Panthers didn't go with Jarrett's teammate instead and end up with two wide receivers named Steve Smith, thereby blowing up literally thousands of fantasy drafts come August.

· The other name I really liked from Day 1 was the Saints' third-round pick of Kent State cornerback Usama Young. I wait with giddy anticipation for the horrendous silence that ensues after the first time Young nails the ball carrier on a kick return or something and one of the booth announcers yells, "Usama just blew that guy up!" Good times.

Soon to repeat this pose many times wearing black and blue silver.

· And of course I would be remiss if I didn't mention the Bulldogs' tally from Day One, which is of course the only thing as important as the Redskins' solitary moment of glory. Only two Dawgs were taken, both in the third round -- Charles Johnson to the Raiders Panthers, Quentin Moses to the Panthers Raiders; kind of disappointing for them, I suppose, but let's not forget that Hines Ward didn't get taken until the third round, either, and nobody's exactly shedding tears over how his life turned out. Ex-Dawgs have a pretty good reputation for being important contributors at the next level regardless of where they're picked, so good luck to those two guys.

(UPDATE: And in the fourth round, TE Martrez Milner went to the Falcons, and thus has the tradition of the Falcons avoiding UGA products like the plague apparently been ended. Is it just me or was Milner far and away at his best when fellow current Falcon D.J. Shockley was throwing to him? Just asking.)

· Finally, did anyone else see the Under Armour ad featuring Steve Spurrier (and no hard feelings if you didn't, they only aired it like 5,347 times)? The first version of the ad they aired had Spurrier talking on the phone with some unseen guy about (I'm assuming) some NFL prospect, and he ended this call by signing off with "Yeah, click-clack." And I'm sitting there thinking, What the fuck? A few airings later, they were showing a shortened version of the ad that omitted the "click-clack" part, and I can only assume that somebody said, "Yeah, that 'click-clack' signoff sounds pretty stupid, let's go with the edited version from here on out." I'm still completely in the dark as to what "click-clack" refers to, anyway; if anyone has any idea, please enlighten me in the comments.


NCT said...

Apparently, Under Armour is investing in "Click-Clack" as an advertising tool. They've trademarked the phrase.

Note the phrase "I think you hear us coming." I guess "click-clack" is meant to be a threatening noise.

I still don't get it.

Erik said...

Do cleats make that noise as you walk with a normal gait on a hard surface? I know ski boots do, and in both situations you're walking with a fairly rigid shoe with plastic contact surfaces.

DAve said...

Charles Johnson went to the Panthers, and Moses went to the Raiders.

Robert said...

Well I'm not sure about any hard surface, as I've never wore cleats and walked on hardwood floors, but they do on pavement. It's actually a pretty awesome sound, especially when a whole team is walking--it sounds like an army marching or something.

Sarah said...

Shout out to Jenna! Also, that is a nice fireplace. As you can tell I didn't watch the draft, but still felt compelled to comment. Thanks.

Josh said...

Yes, it's supposed to refer to the sound cleats make on a hard surface.

And fuck the Redskins. Fuck them until they bleed from their anal pores.

Anonymous said...

Jenny - The CLICK CLACK campaign is actually brilliant. They ended some of their regular apparel commercials with a shot of someone walking down a football locker room tunnel, and CLICK CLACK is the exact sound cleats make on the concrete floor. But better than that is the phrase, "I think you hear us coming". This had 2 meanings. First it was a way to announce that Under armour was about to come out with a line of football cleats, something that was much anticipated buy many athletes. Second, and even more important, it was a dig at Nike....saying "We already own the performance apparel market, now you hear us coming for your footwear business too"....Not only do those guys make great products, they are masterful with their advertising....Can't wait to see what they do when they are ready to launch sneakers....and I am sure they will. Thx

GDawg said...

Of ALL the great Dawgs Atlanta has passed on over the years, can anyone really get excited over this pick? Really??

One of the Falcons MANY but most glaring problems last year? Can't catch the fricken ball. Milner's biggest problem at UGA? Yep. Honestly, right now, off the top of my head, I can only remember him catching 3 balls EVER, his entire career. I mean meaningful catches anyway. Long Boise TD, Colorado comeback, Va Tech Peach TD. That's it. Not exactly the best legacy when folks remember you dropping more balls on average PER GAME than catching TD's your entire career. Or maybe it's just me... look here's hoping he turns it around, becomes a beast in tha league and proves haters like me wrong. But I aint bettin on it.

Also, the dirty birds are THIS CLOSE to me dropping them behind the GA force on my GA football teams list and putting them on par with the suckass Hawks. I swear Billy Knight was in our warroom this weekend. Why not try to move up and get Landry? Does anybody REALLY think that ARK DE is that much more of a beast than Charles Darkness Johnson? I don't and he's a 3rd rounder. And what's up with drafting all these WR's and LB's from NE Montana Tech? UGH I LOATHE THE DRAFT. A buncha men whackin to shirtless eyeball test "potential" and 40 times rather than going on past play on the gridiron in the best league in college football. Suck it NFL GM geeks, you disgust me.

Universal REMONSTER said...

I followed the the draft closer this year than any, and I still don't understand the progression that teams go through on their draft boards. I'm a Raven's fan in the pro world, and I was knocked on my ass in disbelief as we got Troy "heisman" Smith in the 5th round. Yeah, uh, fifth. That's right.

I don't pretend to know everything about football, but I think that's a little absurd. Smith has the athletic ability to be a second rounder AT LEAST. Not like I'm complaining, I was totally stoked, but it seems to me that they are putting a premium on the physique of players nowadays which is precisely why so many second day "dark horses" end up being stars and so many first day signees end up as busts. It's obvious what should be in a great first round pick: Physical ability, the desire to win, work ethic, and character. The latter three of those have become side notes while ability has become paramount.

That's what's wrong with the draft, and why people like Tom Brady, Antonio Gates, and others end up emerging from the shadows as leaders.

By the way, I know he's undersized but what happened to Nick Jones? I thought he could be a player at the next level. Also a damn shame Tony Taylor wasn't drafted. He should stay on the staff as a pump-up specialist.

JasonC said...

Don't know if you heard, but Keyshawn was released by the Panthes, so it looks like all that talk of mentoring Jarrett won't happen... well, at least in regards to football, but I guess he can always teach him how to kill time by getting in trouble off the field.