All together now: Awwww!

Dennis Kucinich, the most elfin of the 2004 Democratic presidential hopefuls, done got himself hitched:

CLEVELAND (AP) -- Ohio Rep. Dennis Kucinich has married a British woman, shedding the bachelor status that made headlines during his long-shot presidential campaign in 2004.

Kucinich and Elizabeth Harper, who works for a monetary-policy think tank in Chicago, were married Sunday before some 250 guests outside City Hall, where he once served as mayor.

Guests included Shirley MacLaine and Sean Penn. MacLaine and Kucinich are longtime friends, and Penn endorsed the Democrat for president last year.

"It was a lovely ceremony, and the congressman really wanted to do this in the heart of Cleveland," said Kucinich's spokesman, Doug Gordon.

Awwww, congratulations, Mr. Scoops! It all sounds wonderful, except for having Sean Penn there. I can just picture this exchange at the rehearsal dinner:

WILLIE NELSON: I first met Dennis when we ran into each other at a PETA protest back during the campaign season. Someone told me, "Hey, Willie, there's a guy named Kucinich who's running for president and he really wants to meet you." And I thought, "Kucini-who? Is he that little guy that looks like the Keebler elf yelling about weapons of mass destruction?"

AUDIENCE: Haw!

WILLIE NELSON: Sometimes I still don't understand what made that crazy bastard think he could run for president, but I have had a blast hanging out with him, and Elizabeth, you can rest assured that when he comes home after a long night of palling around with me and the boys, yes, he did inhale . . .

AUDIENCE: Hee! Hee!

WILLIE NELSON: But seriously, folks, I'm real tickled that someone's finally gonna make an honest man out of him, and I know he and Elizabeth are going to have many, many happy years together. With more on that, here's someone who was a big supporter of ours during the campaign, Academy Award-winning actor Sean Penn.

AUDIENCE: (applause)

ACADEMY AWARD-WINNING ACTOR SEAN PENN: Thank you. But first, uh, forgive my compromised sense of humour. I just want to answer our host's question about who Dennis Kucinich is -- he's one of our country's finest elected officials.

AUDIENCE: (awkward silence)

WILLIE NELSON: Uh . . . anybody wanna hear "Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Republicans"?

But I do wish all the best to Rep. Kucinich and his new bride, who's actually kinda cute, if the pictures I've seen are accurate. If The Kooch can find happiness with a lovely young lady like that, then maybe there's hope for us all.