Wednesday, July 27

But when barf is outlawed, only outlaws will have barf.

Another thing I bet I would get a lot if people e-mailed me about their likes and dislikes is, "I find I have this really voracious appetite a lot, and I'm hungry all the time. I wish I could just go to your Web site and have my appetite ruined for the rest of the day, so then I'd be in no danger of overeating."

And I come through again:

OLATHE, Kan. ? A high school student convicted of battery for vomiting on his Spanish teacher has been ordered to spend the next four months cleaning up after people who throw up in police cars.

Johnson County Magistrate Judge Michael Farley said during the sentencing Tuesday that he considered the boy's actions "an assault upon the dignity of all teachers."


The story goes on to say that while the boy claimed he threw up because he was nervous about his final exams, other students testified that he had planned the, uh, throwing-up days in advance. Making this a first-degree vomiting.

I don't know about y'all, but I think throwing up is the absolute grossest thing the body is capable of doing. Yes, before anyone even asks, grosser than diarrhea. If someone vomited on me, I'd probably have to rip off all my clothes right away and then race home and take a shower for three hours. And even then I'd still be smelling the Phantom Vomit Smell wherever I went. Weeks later I'd be out on a date or something and she'd be trying to have a conversation with me and I'd still be like, "Is it on me? I feel like it's still on me." Anyway, my point is that there's no punishment too severe for this kid. Somehow we have to nip this vomiting thing in the bud right away and drill it into the heads of our nation's young people that vomit is not an acceptable weapon. Punch people, carry a nine in your backpack if you must . . . but deliberately unloading the contents of your stomach on someone, that's just wronger than wrong.

3 comments:

Josh said...

As a teacher, I can say I would have no problem beheading this student with the dull end of a protractor. Which is why I probably won't be a teacher for very long.

April said...

I don't know if barfing on people is the grossest thing the body can do but it is pretty gross. I like the site. I liked the old site georgemustgo too. Keep writing amusing entries ok? Lol.

Spencer said...

Drunken vomit:
A year and a half a go, drinking Jack and Coke while waiting for friends, who are a couple, to stop arguing so we could go to the movies. They never stopped, I got drunk, and throw up in our apartment complex parking lot. Udon noodles that hung half way in and half way out of my mouth swung to and fro as I yelled the phrase "DON'T LOOK AT ME!!!" to my other friends Jessica.

Not so drunken vomit:
I was in a scavenger hunt last week of which vomit was one of the many things to have in your collection of assorted crap in order to win. I gouged my finger in my mouth about 6 times before something came up. When it did, it was a table spoon's worth, which only prompted me to try for more for fear of being accused by the judges for not having enough. So I went a 7th time and found myself with enough vomit to fill up those little fruit cocktail cans. At that point, I was satisified with my results. Unfortunately after all that, we only got 4th place.