MILWAUKEE - A new Ms. Wheelchair Wisconsin has been crowned after pageant leaders stripped the original winner of the title when she appeared in a newspaper photograph standing up.
Standing up?!?! Kill her! Kill the witch! But then I read the next part:
The announcement of the new winner Tuesday came amid a storm of protest over pageant officials? decision last week to take the crown away from Janeal Lee, a high school teacher and muscular dystrophy sufferer who uses a scooter as her main way to get around but says she can walk up to 50 feet on a good day and stand while teaching.
Wait, she can walk up to 50 feet? And she rides a scooter? A frickin' Rascal scooter like the one George Costanza got in that "Seinfeld" episode where everybody thought he was handicapped? OK, I'm sorry, but if you can walk, you don't get to be Ms. Wheelchair Wisconsin. And a frickin' scooter doesn't count. That's like a woman who lives in New York City wanting to compete in the Miss New Jersey pageant. Or something. Look, I'd like to have a better metaphor for you there, but it's been a long day.
Anyway, I invite you readers to weigh in on this pressing ethical issue, in the hopes that we can get a controversy started that's just as overblown and divisive as the Terri Schiavo thing. If just one person gets arrested trying to bring a wheelchair to Janeal Lee, then this post will have been a success.