Wednesday, July 1

This week in extramarital booty.

A week after the initial revelation from South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford that he'd been carrying on an extramarital affair with a woman in Argentina, the best tidbits are now coming out. Read this story and this one, and then let's go over the highlights:

· "As recently as this month," Sanford "begged his wife to let him go visit his Argentine hottie." When I first heard about that, I thought, man, the balls on that guy! But the more I think about it, the more I'm thinking maybe Sanford's actually a wuss: You think Sarkozy or Berlusconi ever gave a fuck about asking for permission?

· The debate between "ballsy" and "wussy" might be purely academic, though: Since Sanford asked his wife for permission -- implying that he did care a little about her feelings on the subject -- but went anyway even after she said no, I'm going to settle on "asshole" for the time being.

· In a cabinet meeting last week in which Sanford apologized to his staff, he compared himself to King David, who had an affair with a married woman, Bathsheba, yet managed to maintain control of his kingdom. Presumably this means that Sanford will be ordering the death of his mistress's husband and then marrying her himself.

· Sanford confessed that he "crossed the lines" with several other women over the years but hadn't had sex with any of them. That still leaves a lot of wiggle room, though, and can include everything from "making out" to "third base" to "naked baby-oil Twister with a group of Singapore Airlines flight attendants." Not that I, uh, spend a lot of time thinking about stuff like that.

· Sanford is convinced that the woman from Argentina is his "soul mate," but he adds that he's "trying to fall back in love with his wife." So basically he's telling his wife, "Honey, this woman from Buenos Aires is my soul mate, but I'm TRYING to fall in love with you again." Wow, what woman wouldn't be made weak in the knees by an expression of romance like that? Not that you asked me, governor, but here's a tip: You "try" to lose a few pounds or get more organized at home. If you have to try to fall in love with someone, it ain't happening.

At this point, I have two pieces of advice for Gov. Sanford. First, shut the fuck up already. Your ratio of "words uttered in public" to "times looked stupid and/or like an asshole" is rapidly approaching 1:1. Second, bite the fucking bullet and get divorce proceedings started. It's obvious you don't particularly want to be married to your wife, she can't possibly want to be married to you all that much, and whatever benefit you think you'd be doing for your kids by staying together has probably already been negated by their knowing that you blew them off on Father's Day to go chase some South American strange.

But that's just one guy's opinion. At the end of the day, all I can really say is what a weird, weird dude. And kind of a tortured, conflicted one at that. But I will say this for him: I'm glad he's there, because compared to him even I look smooth with the ladies.

Then again, I've never managed to carry on a torrid affair with a woman from Argentina, either. Hey, anybody know what Yamila Diaz is doing these days?


Universal Remonster said...

He might make you look good with the ladies, but at least you know he's getting some! OH SNAP EPIC PWNAGE!

TMLSBadmin said...

Dude, this blog made me snort, which is the highest praise I can give you. Well, except if your blog gave me a boner. but that didn't happen. either way, I'll be reading again.

Anonymous said...

Can't argue with a single point you made. I will, however, point out that John Edwards hiding in the men's room from paparazzi and saying on national TV that he only cheated on his wife when he thought her tatas were cancer free, is pretty much equivalent stupidity from an even higher profile figure.

Buck said...

We know that Ms. Argentine is Sanford's soul mate. What we do not know is whether or not he is hers.

I have a feeling that when the smoke clears Sanford is not going to have a wife, a job or an Argentine lover.

It has never, ever been about the affair to me. Affairs are a dime per 10 dozen.

The fact that a Governor of a state in these great United States can tell everybody that he is going for a walk in the woods and then take off to Argentina for a week stil BLOWS MY MIND

I realize that Sanford is one of these "government is the problem" kind of people but godamighty! If you feel that way, why do you run and how in the hell do you get elected?

I think we need to put people who are serious about government in the position of governing.

Anonymous said...

Buck, I agree with you, but we (the electorate) have created a governing class that is no longer connected to the people. The number of scandals, both sex and money, just keeps growing. We keep electing the same people, over and over, who believe they are above criticism. Think about it. Sanford, Foley, Rangel, Edwards, Craig, Spitzer, Mahoney, Fossella, Blago, etc.

If you discount the scandals, we have created politicians for life. I am a firm believer in term limits. Robert Byrd, Ted Kennedy, Ted Stevens, Strom Thurmond, Joe Biden, Pete Domenici, Patrick Leahy haven't earned a dime not at the public trough in like 40+ years (those still alive anyway). If you look at the 30 year'rs it even bigger.

I don't think Sanford should resign. If he does he can slink away to obscurity. He should have to answer daily for his idiocy until he gets voted out. That is probably not the best for the people of South Carolina, but I don't live there and am a vindictive shit.

Buck said...

The only reason I would think that Sanford should resign is that if anybody else had done what he had done he would be out front saying that that person should resign. If he holds himself to his own standards then he would resign.

I don't think Sanford can run again because of South Carolina term limits.

My understanding of the situation is that the S.C. GOP wants him to stay on because they hate the Lt. Gov. even worse.

I'm am too busy trying to figure out what is going on in Alaska to give much thought to South Carolina ;-)