Thursday, February 12

Olive Garden Confidential: The Lost Episodes VIII.

It ain't over. It's never over. Today's installment: "Temptation."

First, watch the original ad here.



DAVE: Are you as hungry as I am?

CINDY: Yeah.

DAVE: So what are we in the mood for?

CARL: I'll know it when I see it.

DAVE: OK, well --

A waitress walks by with a piping-hot plate of food.

DAVE: I think I just did!

(laughter)

DAVE: I mean, did you see the rack on that chick? She's gotta be a stripper -- you don't waste a body like that slinging alfredo at Olive Garden. Holy Moses.

(laughter turns a little awkward)

DAVE: And that ass -- God, I just want to take a bite out of it, like an apple . . .

CINDY: (laughter turns nervous) Wow, Dave, I bet, uh, Marcy wouldn't be too happy to hear you say that.

DAVE: What, just because I got a wife and kids at home I can't show my appreciation when a work of pure sculpture walks by? Jeez, pull the stick out of your ass, Cindy.

ANNOUNCER: Discover Olive Garden's two new tortellonis! Tortelloni with Shrimp in our creamy herb sauce, stuffed with our blend of four Italian cheeses and roasted garlic. Or, try Tortelloni with grilled sausage in a homemade basil marinara! Starting at $9.95. Plus endless breadsticks and salad.

CARL: You just have to know where to look, right, bro-ham?

DAVE: (bumps fists with CARL) You said it. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go find out what Miss Olive Garden is doing after work.

TASHA: (sotto, to CINDY) Aren't Dave and Marcy, you know, still in counseling?

DAVE: And hey, while I'm getting her digits, maybe you can give Grace Ventura, Marriage Detective over here a refresher course in men having needs.

ANNOUNCER: Olive Garden -- when you're here, you're family!

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Just my $.02, but I think you are overworking this Olive Garden bit. The ads are stupid, but whose ads aren't? Part of what makes an ad memorable (and therefore valuable) is its stupidity. Any beer commercial worth its cost of airtime is goofy as hell.

Not really the same post, but as long as you are dreaming/wishing, you can do better than an Infinity. You are aiming too low.

kevin said...

Normally, I come here and enjoy the content, then leave.. but seeing as how the only post here is negative, I fell it's my duty to tell you that many ppl (me) enjoy the Olive Garden Confidential. Please keep them coming

Gnome said...

I'm a big fan of Olive Garden Confidential. This one was one of my favorites.

reasonablewords said...

I'm in agreement. My favorite was Roman Holiday.

"Christ almighty, at the current exchange rate, we just paid a hundred and twenty-six dollars to eat fucking Pizza Hut."

See, they're topical, too.