Thursday, May 10

You're that hard up for something to do? Then come clean my apartment, jackass.

Got anything else in your wardrobe that's that color? 'Cause you might want to hang on to it.

Lord knows I hate to come across as judgmental, but if you sign this petition

In a message that went up Monday on her MySpace page and reported in the New York Post, the hotel heiress writes (in her own spelling): "My friend Joshua started this petition, please help and sihn it. i LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!"

The petition, directed to California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, asks that Hilton be pardoned from her sentence of 45 days in jail for violating the terms of her probation by driving with a suspended license. The punishment was handed down in Los Angeles Superior Court on Friday. An appeal has been filed.

"I urge all fans and supporters and all that are outraged by injustice to sign this petition," writes Hilton.

. . . you are a moron. A total, complete, drooling fucking moron.

The story says that the petition got all of 900 signatures the first day it was posted (I actually dared to venture over to Hilton's MySpace page and for some reason it isn't posted there now). My guess is that at least half of those signatures are joke names like I.P. Freeley and Turd Ferguson, not that we'll ever get to see them; of the other half, I'm betting that fully two-thirds of those are from lonely, pathetic single guys in their late 20s to early 30s who are hoping against hope that Paris will see their sigs on the petition and be so overwhelmed by their courage and chivalry that she just has to go to their houses and fuck them right then and there.

Actually, given where Paris's cooch has been, maybe that's not such an outlandish thing to hope for.

Yesterday on the news they quoted one of Hilton's spokespeople or something like that who was complaining about what a terrible loss of dignity it would be for Paris to get carted off to jail and have to submit to stripping down and having a delousing and a full-body-cavity search or whatever. Right, because Paris absolutely hates it when random people get an eyeful of her ladybits. Ever since this jail-sentence thing broke, people have been asking me, "Doug, as a frequent commenter on pop culture, if you could sum up Paris Hilton in one word, what would it be?" and the one word I keep coming back to is "modesty."


NCT said...

"[A] terrible loss of dignity."

Dammit! Pardon me while I go blow my nose to get rid of the coffee remnant.

DC Trojan said...

My complaint about Paris Hilton going to jail: not nearly long enough. When is the justice system going to get serious about keeping people like this off the streets?

Kanu said...

I sure hope that it didn't take this for you to fully realize that PH is a total and complete fucking moron.

I never understood the whole PH phenomenon, and still don't. A moronic skank with shitloads of money is still a moronic skank. Amy Fisher and Tonya Harding must be OMG soooooo jealous that they aren't billionarie heiresses, or else they would be hailed as hott/worth talking about by the Lemmings of US pop culture society.

kleph said...

"Great people talk about ideas. Small people talk about other people." - Tobias S. Gibson

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