Wednesday, February 18

Olive Garden Confidential: The Lost Episodes IX.

One more in the never-ending series of glimpses inside the seedy underbelly of the supposedly friendly conversations that go on over stuffed shells and alfredo sauce at the O.G. Today's haunting installment: "Regression."

(First, as always, watch the original commercial here.)

WENDY: Mmmmm, this alfredo reminds me of Mom's secret recipe. Oh, which she told me, by the way.

BEN: Yep, she told me too.

ALAN: Me too.

LUKE: Me too.

WENDY: No way. She told me I was the only one who knew!

BEN: Yeah, she's been saying a lot of stuff like that lately.

WENDY: What do you mean?

BEN: Well, ever since her Alzheimer's really started taking a turn for the worse, she can barely remember what she had for breakfast, much less who she gave her "secret" alfredo recipe to.

WENDY: Wait. Mom has Alzheimer's?

BEN: Uh . . . yeah. She got the diagnosis, like, nine months ago?

WENDY: Oh my God, Ben! When were you going to tell me about this?

ALAN: We called you the day her test results came back, only you were in St. Bart's with your rich producer boyfriend and couldn't be reached.

LUKE: And we sent, like, a ton of e-mails.

WENDY: Oh, jeez, uh . . . well, I guess my, uh, spam filter at work must've caught them . . .

BEN: Uh-huh.

ANNOUNCER: It's Olive Garden's new Shrimp Scampi Alfredo, with herb-seasoned shrimp and our homemade alfredo sauce. Or, try our delicious Grilled Chicken Alfredo -- two great alfredos, both served with warm breadsticks and our endless salad.

WENDY: Well, she did tell me once I was her favorite child.

BEN: Me too.

ALAN: Me too.

LUKE: Heard her say it to one of the nurses at the hospital the other day.

BEN: She even said it to Oscar the last time I was home.

WENDY: Wait, the dog?

ANNOUNCER: Olive Garden. When you're here, you're family!


Universal Remonster said...

Props on this one Doug. I laughed out loud.

Anonymous said...

I will never stop loving this series.