Friday, January 9

The Friday Random Ten+5 has had quite enough, thanks.

There were many aspects of last night's national-title-game broadcast that made the game a chore to watch, but among the worst was the continuous oral pleasure that Thom Brennaman gave Tim Tebow for the entirety of the second half. And as I say this even as someone who was all but disowned by Bulldog Nation earlier in the season for sending Tebow a little effusive praise of my own, and I know that criticizing Thom Brennaman's commentary skills is basically coals to Newcastle at this point, but eeeggghh. "If you're fortunate enough to spend five minutes or 20 minutes around Tim Tebow, your life is better for it"? Really, Thom? Try telling Georgia's defense that. They spent the better part of three and a half hours around Tim Tebow and their lives pretty much sucked in the immediate aftermath.

But yes, even as an avowed Tebow, uh, respecter, I think this shit has gotten a little out of hand. But he's hardly the first. Which is why this week's +5 is Five Other Athletes I'm Sick Of Hearing About:

Brett Favre
I don't think I've ever seen an athlete that beloved completely destroy his good name that fast. A year ago, Favre was a heroic gunslinger who'd just taken the Packers on a valiant playoff run; today he's more likely to be described with two simple words (to wit, "selfish dicklick"), as he's apparently let all those fawning press clippings and Peter King tongue-baths go to his head to the point where he thinks the entire New York Jets organization exists to serve him. When even your own teammates are telling the world you're an asshole, it's time to hang it up, Brett. Go back to Kiln where you can bask in your legacy, be comfortable in Wrangler, and throw needless interceptions in peace.

Manny Ramirez
Manny is like the hot psycho girlfriend of Major League Baseball: rude, lazy, manipulative, and yet there are grown men lining up to be seen in public with him. Every few years teams fall all over themselves to bid for his services, and every few years the blogs and radio airwaves are filled with people asking the question "Is it worth this much money to acquire the services of a complete locker-room cancer?" Enough; I don't want to hear any more about someone whose most lasting contribution to MLB appears to be upping an already astronomical league-wide level of douche. And no, I don't care how talented he is. I don't remember seeing the Dodgers in the World Series last year.

Tony Romo
It used to be that I would get sick to my stomach hearing all the "Is Tony Romo the BEST QB EVER?!?" stories. Now that the Cowboys have been exposed and it's starting to become clear that the chances of Romo ever winning a playoff game are approximately equal to those of Osama bin Laden converting to Christianity and winning the Nextel Cup, though, we're getting inundated with "Is Tony Romo THE MOST OVERRATED QB EVER?!?" stories, and I'm even starting to get sick of those. Not that I don't love a good are-the-Cowboys-imploding column, but seriously, enough of Romo, good or bad. Let's face facts, his fame has less to do with any of his slim on-field accomplishments than it does with the fact that he gets to motorboat Jessica Simpson whenever he wants; he's not famous for being a great quarterback, he's famous for being famous. He's Paris Hilton with an arm.

Kobe Bryant
Call me when he wins another NBA championship. Actually, don't call me even then, because I don't give a flying fuck about the NBA.

Sean Avery
Another one of those famous-for-being famous guys: He's been in movies and TV shows, he spent a few months working for Vogue, he was named one of People magazine's sexiest/most beautiful people alive, he bitches out on practice, he seems interested in everything in the world except actually playing hockey. Not that I know anything about hockey, but I can't find any lasting contribution he's made to the sport other than "going out onto the ice and annoying people." Plus he had the privilege of dating Elisha Cuthbert and had the nerve to be an ingrate by dissing her later, which JUST ISN'T DONE, asshole.

And now the Ten:

1. Bruce Springsteen, "Dancing in the Dark"
2. The English Beat, "Ranking Full Stop"
3. Passengers, "Bottoms"
4. Joey Altruda, "Mucci's Jag Mk.II"
5. Underworld, "Ring Road"
6. Underworld, "Cups"
7. The English Beat, "Tears of a Clown"
8. Deee-Lite, "Power of Love"
9. The White Stripes, "Fell in Love with a Girl"
10. Big Audio Dynamite II, "When the Time Comes"

Your turn -- your own most overexposed athletes and Random Tens, if you please, in the comments.


Reed said...

Hmmm. Moved to Argentina in August and haven't had to deal with much of this stuff. Well, except Brett Farve. Somehow he still comes up (not here, though). I'll just get a jump on next year and say Mark Sanchez.

1.Tom Waits, "Jesus Gonna Be Here"
2.Franz Ferdinand, "Walk Away"
3.Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, "Benji's Queer"
4.INXS, "The One Thing"
5.The Futureheads, "Fallout"
6.Big Star, "The Ballad of El Goodo"
7.The Troggs, "I Do I Do"
8.DJ Logic, "Soul Kissing"
9.Velo Deluxe, "Eleven"
10.Otis Redding, "Open the Door"

Mickey Shamrock said...

I'll bookmark this for remembrance next season when the Cowboys win multiple playoff games with Romo under center. You know, it's funny: when someone wants to bang on a QB who's won playoff games, they point at their questionable stats. But when someone wants to bang on a QB with great stats, they point to lack of winning "big games." Oh, and Redskins suck.....

jkelsofarrell said...

Just want to say: I love, love, love BADII!

Holly said...

1. Bernstein: Peter Pan - Captain Hook's Soliloquy
2. Calexico - All Systems Red
3. Hybrid - Just For Today
4. Radiohead - Bodysnatchers
5. Eagles of Death Metal - Wannabe in L.A. (Evil Nine's MCLA Remix)
6. Tyler Ramsey - A Long Dream
7. Moby - Alice
8. Silversun Pickups - Well Thought Out Twinkles
9. Grand Ole Party - Look Out Young Son
10. The Blow - The Love That I Crave (Strategy's Strata Club Mix)

gene said...

Pretty sick of all the man love slathered all over urban cryer and little nicky satan. Good coaches but I don't believe that requires fellatio in absentia by the media every time their names come up.

Seth said...

How about Tyler Hansborough? The guy breaks the school scoring record and given the coverage on ESPN, you'd think he'd MADE Osama bin Laden convert to Christianity and win the Nextel Cup. I appreciate the guy's heart, but move along.

Anonymous said...