A memo from the desk of Arnold T. Pants, Esq.:Career ambitions and other things involving boobs.

· At this time of resolutions and new beginnings, vows are made and valiant goals are set, and glory be, it was the perfect time for me to seize upon a new life's ambition: becoming Rey Maualuga's wingman.



Homes just air-humped America's hottest sports reporter in front of a packed grandstand and at no point was she the wiser -- how fucking smoove is that? Big Daddy Kane would weep to know just how easy pimpin' is, in actual practice, for some people. Somehow I have a feeling that being part of ReyRey's entourage is a non-stop unmitigated blast, as what he throws back is probably Playboy-caliber. I've never been a fan of celebrity reality shows, but if somebody pitches "ReyRey After Dark" once Maualuga gets drafted, I'll buy a TiVo just so I can have every single second of every episode in my virtual possession.

· When I do become El Rey's right-hand man, we're rolling in this:



A monochrome black paint job that covers everything right down to the grille? An integrated Kenwood A/V system? I mean, all that's well and good, but when your ride is so comprehensively pimped out that even Krug champagne is pitching in, you might as well install an oversized rearview mirror to hold all the panties that are going to end up hung on it. No word on pricing yet, and obviously it won't be completely street-legal in the U.S. anyway (as Citroën hasn't maintained an official sales presence here since 1974), but I doubt that a minor technicality like that would stop ReyRey.

· With the Redskins having late-season-collapsed their way right out of a playoff berth and the Falcons and Colts both getting bounced in back-to-back games Saturday evening, my NFL playoff interest level has just about sunk all the way to its "I'll Watch Because I'm a Red-Blooded Heterosexual Male and It's Expected of Me, But Seriously, Fuck This Sport" baseline, but I will offer some grudging daps to one of my rooting interests' cruel vanquishers: San Diego may have finished 8-8 and their quarterback may be a Faulknerian idiot man-child, but they have the absolute best cheerleader unis in the business. Either that, or every female in San Diego County between the ages of 18 and 30 is a 36DD.


In which case, I'm moving.

· This is wrong, right? I mean, even as an established Lego over-enthusiast, it's kind of wrong. Yet paradoxically it's also kind of right at the same time. Let me hear y'all's opinion on this issue, seriously. It's conflicting. (Hat tip: Geekologie.)


Makes me feel kinda funny, like when we used to climb the rope in gym class.

· OK, that's more than enough filth, real or implied, for one blog post. I leave you today with this. Every joke meme has a certain shelf life, and some of them are longer than others, but this one's gonna be around for a while.