Saturday, November 1

Sun, sex, sin, divine intervention, death, and destruction.



I know everyone wants to blame me for Georgia's stupefyingly embarrassing loss in the Cocktail Party since I wrote that pro-Tebow post last week. It was my fault, but not for the reason you think.

For several years now -- I know it goes at least as far back as the 2005 SEC Championship Game, but probably even further -- I've had this tradition whereby each Friday during the fall, I wear the team colors of whoever Georgia's opponent is that weekend. I'm not saying I own a Florida T-shirt or a Tennessee jersey or anything like that, but just to give you some examples from this season, I have a dark red sweater with a black stripe across it that I wore the Friday before the South Carolina game. Bickety-bam, Georgia wins, 14-7. That picture of me in the bizarre gold polo shirt out in Sedona? Taken the day before we whipped Arizona State up and down the field. And I'm pretty sure I had my orange sweater vest on the day before we beat Tennessee. (If you want to know why I have an orange sweater vest, I bought it because I'm colorblind and I thought it was red. For realz.)

This year, of course, the day before the Georgia-Florida game was Halloween; I went as a doctor because I have a set of UVA scrubs that my dad got me and one of his old lab coats. The scrubs are blue, and I put on an orange T-shirt under them, so I figured, there, that should be enough to make this work. Here's me with a startlingly accurate Sarah Palin on the patio at Dave's in Southside Friday night:



The picture's kind of dark, obviously, but you may have already discovered the flaw in my plan: The scrubs are dark blue, not the stripper-lingerie peacock blue the University of Florida calls its own. I even expressed my worries about this to a couple of co-workers, one of whom is a Florida grad himself, at the office Friday morning; "Knowing my luck," I said, "Auburn and Virginia will both go down in flames, but Florida will kick our ass."

The rest, of course, is history.

Anyway, I could do my usual postgame analysis of everything that happened, pointing out that Georgia actually finished with more total yards than Florida and was the victim of two egregiously bad missed holding calls by the refs -- one on the Joe Haden interception, the other on Louis Murphy's touchdown catch -- and without those, Matt Stafford might not have been throwing the desperate interceptions that allowed Florida to bend us over for nearly the entire second half, but I'll be blunt: I don't fuckin' feel like it. So instead, all I'll say is congratulations, Gators, you gave us the come-uppance you'd been itchin' to give us ever since the Celebration last year. The best we can hope for now, I'd imagine, is probably a chance to thrash Ohio State up and down the field in the (whee!) Capital One Bowl.

Now, my fantasy team, the Redskins, and Obama better all win over the next four days -- better win huge -- or I'm moving to a shack in the woods, growing my beard down to my fuckin' crotch, and making a hobby out of sending mail bombs to people.

This is Ripley, last survivor of the Nostromo, signing off.

13 comments:

Squarebush said...

I think it's safe to say that an Obama loss would be a much bigger deal to us all than a Dawgs' loss.

Though, damnit today sucked donkey balls.

Holly said...

So wait, which visual impairment is it that prevents you from recognizing that you're buying a sweater vest?

Will said...

the whole mail-bomb, hermt in the wods thing, yeah about accurate. Especially when your pro-Florida girlfriend takes every other oppurtunity to smile and tell you its just a game. She's just the worst kind of person...

Anonymous said...

Yep. The refs robbed you by not calling those microscopic grabs that go on on every play. That's why UGA lost 49-10. Claaassy.

Anonymous said...

Did your toaster oven survive the night?

will said...

in regards to the refs: The Bulldog and football fan in me says that I hope Penn Wagers and his crew get whats coming to them. Not simply for this game, but because they're simply the worst officiating crew in the SEC. If they're going to be stingy ass holes and call every little thing, then do it for 4 quarters. If they're going to miss blatantly obvious calls, then do it for 4 quarters. No flow to that game at all, and even CBS commented on it.
Yet, with that inevitable steam blown off, this loss was the entire Georgia football teams fault: Stafford followed up his best performance at LSU with his worst day of decision making at the worst possible times; Tripp Chandler showed his old form... in the end zone; Mark Richt, or whoever made the call to kick an onside kick in the 1st quarter, showed that maybe there isn't as much brilliance on the sideline as thought last year (was the risk honestly worth the reward that early in the game?);anytime Knowshown finally got into a rhythm, the rest of the offense did something to negate his production; blair walsh, bless his freshman soul, has to start hitting the kicks under 40 yards
All in all what worries me is that the Dawgs are still the same bed wettign team come halloween that we saw through out the 90s and until last year. Something has to change in the program. We're on the threshhold of long term success, but we need push

Anonymous said...

What happens if you these overrated Dawgs get beat by OSU?

Oh the hooorrrraahhh!!!!

Anonymous said...

UGA vs OSU would be the perfect bowl game now that UGA is officially Ohio State of the South.

wes said...

I have been thinking about all this alot lately. We as college football fans are set up for torment. In the Nfl you can lose 5 or 6 games and still be the champion. In college it is usually one and done, on the occasion a two loss team will get in(lsu). How are we as college fans supposed to expect greatness week in and weekout from college kids. I am only a year removed from school and know that these days college students have a ton going on besides football. I also feel like we in the sec are punished for playing in a good conference. You can be a big ten team lose a game and then have 4 or five bye weeks left in your schedule.
Now on to the problem at hand. I feel like a tratior, the reason I feel this way is that yesterday during the game I was envious of the Florida fans. It wasnt because of the mullets or the jorts but it was TEBOW. I actualy hate Tim because he wears orange but I wish we had one guy, just one on our team that had the pride and passion to be a BULLDAWG. I saw the piece were he apoligised after ol miss, do you see stafford, knowshon, or asher doing this? Im tired of the big expectations and ready for results. Knowshon, Stafford, and Asher owe us one and they better damn well be back next year. And somebody better damn well have the pride on the field that our fans exert all to often.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...

UGA vs OSU would be the perfect bowl game now that UGA is officially Ohio State of the South.

'xept I think you think OSU means tOSU, not the Oklahoma team that is sitting in No. 4 on the Poll

Anonymous said...

tOSU will forever be THE oregon state university.

Will said...

For the past few years, I've taken to calling them AN Ohio State University just to fuck with them.
I don't think they've ever beaten an SEC team in bowl play, so they can't really say shit.

Anonymous said...

It's true tOSU has never beaten an SEC in a bowl game. Who would Dawg fans rag on though if they were the first team to lose to tOSU?