Monday, November 10

Olive Garden Confidential: Third in a series.

Now that the presidential election has come and gone, it's time to get back to stupid stuff, and there ain't nothin' stupider than Olive Garden TV commercials. The third in our series exploring the dark, desperate side of the pseudo-Italian restaurant chain: "Downfall."



GREG: Mmmm, that alfredo really hit the spot.

MELINDA: He just said that about the meat sauce!

GREG: Different dish, different sp -- wait, was that a comment about my weight or something?

MELINDA: Uh, what, no, I -- I was just saying, you really seemed to enjoy the --

GREG: 'Cause I know I've put on a few, OK? Maybe if you'd lost your job and didn't have anything to do all day except sit around waiting for the phone to ring, maybe you'd let yourself go a little, too.

KEVIN: Hey, man, take it easy, you don't need to be so sensitive --

GREG: Oh, thank you, Kev! Hey, everybody: Kevin's gonna be my new life coach! From now on, anytime I need to know how to feel about my life, I'll just ask Kev! . . .

ANNOUNCER: Olive Garden's never-ending pasta bowl, with new spinach alfredo! Pick any sauce and pasta combination, then another! Just $7.95. Have all you want!

KEVIN (sotto, as a waitress brings the check): Hey, uh, Greg, you want me to pick this one up for you, buddy?

GREG: I'M A GROWN MAN! I DON'T NEED YOUR CHARITY!

ANNOUNCER: Olive Garden -- when you're here, you're family!

3 comments:

Universal Remonster said...

Wonderful as usual.

aux arcs said...

nice work.

Tom said...

If your town does not have an Italian restaurant better than the Olive Garden, you must live a sad, sad existence.