Tuesday, October 28

Olive Garden Confidential: Second in a series.

The second in our series of grittier, rewritten Olive Garden ads rolls on with a haunting new installment, "Parting." (Previously: "Disclosure.")



WAITRESS: Hi! Can I help you?

MOTHER: Oh, hi, yes, I'm looking for my date.

WAITRESS: Ohhh!

MOTHER: He's very handsome, and his shoes are probably untied.

YOUNG BOY (calling out): Mom!

WAITRESS: (laughs) That's so sweet!

MOTHER: Well, tonight's the night his father and I are telling him we're getting a divorce, so we figured we might as well take him someplace nice, soften the blow a bit . . .

WAITRESS: Oh. (pause) Wow. I'm . . . I'm gonna go get you guys some more breadsticks.

ANNOUNCER: Introducing Olive Garden's new stuffed rigatonis! Filled with five Italian cheeses like mozzarella and parmesan. Try our rigatoni with grilled chicken in a roasted-garlic alfredo, or rigatoni with sausage and tomato alfredo. Starting at $9.95, plus endless breadsticks and salad!

FATHER (to WAITRESS, as YOUNG BOY weeps openly): Could we, ahh, maybe get a few scoops of chocolate gelato over here? And a scotch, double?

ANNOUNCER: Olive Garden -- when you're here, you're family!

4 comments:

zen bubba said...

It's good, but you left out the part where the father tells the child about his new spouse Bruce and mom tells the child that she won't see her for 3 to 5 years because of her meth conviction.

The Ghost of Jay Cutler said...

I hate those damn commercials. You've made my morning.

Holly said...

You're doing the Lord's work here, lawya.

Dougo said...

Bravo, sir. Bravo.