Monday, August 4

Georgia Tech preview: Georgia's gonna beat Tech for the eighth year in a row. How's everything with you?

By Barbara Gillett
Guest Columnist

Hi, everybody! Apparently Doug couldn't find anyone else to do the Georgia Tech preview, so I guess I'm gonna do it. I don't know why I got stuck with the dorky team, but -- oh, wait, I'm probably not supposed to say that, am I? I'm supposed to be kind of objective, right? (It's not required -- ed.) Oh, well then Georgia Tech sucks. Ha ha haaa!

No, no, I'm just kidding. Georgia Tech doesn't suck at everything. One of Clark's nephews went there, Doug's cousin, and he's a very nice young man with a beautiful family. Unfortunately we didn't get to see them when we were up visiting Clark's parents, but they did e-mail us some pictures of the girls not too long ago, and they are adorable! And Joanne looks great, and -- did they meet at Georgia Tech? Duff and Joanne? Or did she go to -- wait, wait, I'm supposed to be talking about football, sorry, sorry.

OK. Tech kind of sucked last year, right? I mean, the only two games I saw them play were Georgia and Virginia, and they lost both of those, so they couldn't be that good. And didn't they fire their coach at the end of the season? Yeah, because I thought I saw a picture of their new coach in the Atlanta paper not too long ago. Paul something. He had a big round head, almost like a Campbell's Soup kid. Didn't one of their other coaches have a big head? That Irish guy who's such a douchebag? Where's he at these days?

OK, anyway, supposedly Tech is going to change their offense to the triple option, so they're going to need a pretty mobile quarterback. Do they still have Reggie Ball? No? Well, that's a shame, he was terrible. The kid who played against Georgia last year didn't complete many of his passes, so I just assumed that was Reggie Ball. Anyway, the triple option means they're going to be running the ball a whole lot, which is just as well, since they haven't had a quarterback who could hit the broad side of a barn in years. Does anybody still run the triple option, though? I kind of thought it was just Navy and -- does Nebraska still run that offense? Clark? Clark, didn't Nebraska switch to the West -- oh, he's already asleep in his chair. Never mind.

But anyway, completely changing your offense like that is usually pretty hard, so they still may not have it figured out by the time they play Georgia. And even if they do, Georgia's defense is going to be awesome, they have like nine guys back from last year. Did you see what they did to the quarterback from Hawaii in the Sugar Bowl? I almost felt sorry for that kid. I hope for Tech's sake they've got a better offensive line than Hawaii did, or their quarterback might end up in the hospital.

And Georgia's offense is gonna be really good, too. They've got Stafford back, they've got Knowshon Moreno back, and -- who was that other running back they had? The one who always did the Soulja Boy with Moreno? Oh, I know this is kind of off the subject, but I have to tell you a story -- [REDACTED], who's in my tennis league, both her kids went to Auburn and she's a huge Auburn fan, and when we played at Cooper Creek that Sunday after the Georgia-Auburn game, it was just bitch, bitch, bitch about "All those Georgia players dancing around on the sidelines like a bunch of thugs, I thought they had no class" and blah blah blah. I felt like telling her, lady, if they beat you by that much, they can dance any damn place they please! But of course I didn't say that. You know what I should've done, though, I should've worn my Georgia Tennis shirt that you got me, just to rub her face in it. Well, you got me that "Blackout" shirt for Christmas this past year, I'll be sure to wear that if Georgia beats Auburn again.

But we're not talking about Auburn, we're talking about Georgia Tech. OK. How many starters do they bring back on defense? Four? Ugh, that's no good. Well, if Georgia could score thirty-one on them last year, then this year they'll probably break 40. And Knowshon will run for a hundred and fifty yards. Maybe two hundred.

OK, the last thing I have to mention about Georgia is Mark Richt. I know Clark is going to roll his eyes when he reads this, but I don't care, Mark Richt is cute. And he and his wife have an adorable family. Did you know they adopted two kids from the Ukraine or something? And he takes his players on mission trips to South America? I think that's fantastic. I mean, you wouldn't see Steve Spurrier doing something like that. Is he still coaching at South Carolina? Did you already find someone to do that preview? Well, South Carolina sucks too. Ha ha! You don't have to put that if you don't want to. Y'all better kick their asses this year, though.

Now, Georgia and Georgia Tech always play the Saturday after Thanksgiving, right? Are you going to the game? Are Mark and Kristen going? Kristen's moving to Denver? That's great! Tell her I said hi the next time you talk to her. See, if the two of you had gotten together, she could be getting you press passes to the Democratic National Convention right about now. (OK, seriously, mom -- ed.) OK, I'm sorry. But anyway, if you're not actually going to the game, you're welcome to come on down to Columbus and watch it -- the house'll be empty 'cause your dad and I will be in Blacksburg for the Virginia-Virginia Tech game, but you and Ann can come on down, bring your laundry, bring the dogs, there'll be beer in the fridge . . . you know the code for the back door, right? It's -- well, I guess I shouldn't be giving that out on a blog. I'll just e-mail it to you later or something. But either way, you're welcome to come on down, make yourselves at home.

Well, that's about everything I've got, I know you're busy so I won't keep you -- give the pups a kiss for me, and I'll talk to you later on this week, OK? Love you! Go Dawgs!

-- Barbara Gillett graduated from the University of Virginia in 1971 with a degree in nursing; over the last decade, though, she has become an increasingly passionate Georgia fan, to the point where she now coordinates her wardrobe with Mark Richt's on gamedays. She and her husband Clark currently reside in Columbus, Ga.; in her spare time she enjoys volunteering with Meals on Wheels, gardening, and schooling sucka punks who act like they know on the tennis court.

Thanks to Mom and everyone else who contributed columns to this year's Georgia season preview. You can access all of the previews through this link.


Universal REMONSTER said...

Three cheers for Mrs. Gillett.

Mackalicious said...

Wow, your mom is WAY cooler than my mom. My mom thinks a douche bag is a thing and not a pathetic!

Josh M. said...

"Oh, I know this is kind of off the subject..."

That right there is the difference between your mom and my mom.

My mom could start a conversation about my career, mention the lifespan of cornish hens, realize that an alternate pronunciation makes the word "cumulus" a lot funnier, argue that Canada should really use states instead of provinces, pontificate about the evils of spiral-bound notebooks, and sing "Dixieland Delight" backwards, and she'd swear it was all on the subject.

Bart Simpson said...

Its a damn hell ass shame that this preview series has to end. Maybe you could do one for the national championship game?

Sarah said...

Your mom is way cooler than my Mom. All my Mom talks about lately is the Cubs. And Reed Johnson. Who is young enough to be her grandson. Sheesh.

Kristen Wyatt said...

Barbara Gillett has a nursing degree? And wrote an entire preview about the lovable losers of Georgia Tech without saying 'bless their hearts"? My entire worldview just cracked in half.

Riley said...

Totally fantastic. Love you, Doug's Mom!