Monday, August 4

The richest man in Mogadishu.

Many months back I vowed that, with a big fat stimulus check coming from the federal gubmint, I would put a plasma-screen TV of 40 inches or greater in my living room by the time football season arrived. After several months of pinching pennies, I made good on that vow, and I will now have this to stare at in gleeful thrall throughout football season and beyond.



At present, it is the only thing in my apartment that works.

Well, let me back up: one of distressingly few things. I came home Thursday afternoon to find that neither my microwave oven nor my already overworked window A/C unit, both of which were plugged into an outlet in my kitchen, had stopped working. The next morning, I realized that in fact none of the electrical outlets in my kitchen were working, a discovery I arrived at after eating a bowl of cereal with lukewarm milk and then opening my freezer to find that all my ice cubes had melted. An entire fridge's worth of food, thawed, spoiled, and summarily tossed. My stove and microwave are getting enough power to light their "on" lights as if it's cooking something but not enough to actually cook. My toaster isn't even getting enough juice to do that. (And anyone who knows my history with toaster ovens knows that this appliance is playing a dangerous game. Suppose the toaster had been the first thing I'd tried to use Friday morning? I'd probably still be sweeping chards of Chefmate out of the courtyard.)

I managed to plug my air conditioner into a working outlet in the living room, so it's once again cooling the three square feet directly in front of it every bit as faithfully as it was before. And I bought an extension cord as thick as a string of Polish sausages to run from the refrigerator to yet another outlet (I was able to plug the coffeemaker into it as well). So I now have a refrigerator full of food I can't cook, and I can only consume hot coffee as I sit and sweat my balls off in an 85-degree apartment. But I can watch 42 inches' worth of high-definition TV.

Some, not knowing the exact circumstances, might call that a case of misplaced priorities. I call it taking your blessings where you can find them.

But I was reminded of those blessings Sunday night, when I got to watch snippets of the Redskins' 30-16 victory over the Colts in the 2008 preseason opener. The win was keyed by, of all people, sixth-round draft pick Colt Brennan, who -- just months after having his central nervous system reconfigured by Marcus Howard and the rest of Georgia's front seven -- threw two touchdown passes in the second half. Yeah, it was only a preseason game, but given the choice between winning an exhibition march or losing one, I'd just as soon win. And it capped off a weekend in which Darrell Green and Art Monk, the very first individual I can remember referring to as "my favorite football player," finally got into the NFL Hall of Fame.

So readers, y'all are welcome to come over and watch the games now that football season has (kind of, sort of) started. It'll be hot as hell, and there won't be anything for you to eat, but there'll be a big TV. And the beer, at least, will be cold.

15 comments:

zen bubba said...

Colt Brennon is a keeper. His passes were incredibly accurate, even in double and triple coverage. On the other side, Mike Hart, formerly of Michigan, was impressive but Indy has a bunch of depth there already. Hard to say where he will land but if he can run like that every Sunday he should find work.

Joel said...

You did check the circuit breaker...right?

hmmmm said...

Art Monk was a great speaker, wasn't he - made all the other guys being inducted as if they had suffered from their careers of being battered about! Loved the crowd response to the various references to Dallas and the Redskins - almost made me wish I had wasted time going to the ceremonies just for the fun of being a part of it! And then the pre-season game, with Colt looking surprisingly sharp! Hail to the Redskins!

Anonymous said...

As I remember you bitched about the stimulus check as a stupid George Bush idea. Now it's a blessing.

Obama wants to send you another $1000. check to offset the gas prices because, he and Pelosi won't let us go get our own oil.

You could take that money pay some electrician $150. to flip your breaker back on.

Doug said...

I love that the general consensus seems to be that I'm smart enough to write a blog that's worth reading regularly, but not smart enough to check a circuit breaker. It's nice being the honorary idiot savant of the blogosphere.

Anonymous said...

We each have our own talents. You Doug are not electrically inclined nor, are you wise politically.

You are however a good man with the pen and Dawg. There's redemption in those traits.

Anonymous said...

Your electrical problem is a bit of a stumper. You have juice in part of the apartment, so the box is OK, and you say you have checked the circuit breaker, so I wonder if you have GFCI outlets...I would have thought a fault would only trip one outlet, but if they are in sequence and the first one is the GFCI, it might monkey the rest of the circuit up.

Holly said...

You may remember my swank-ass loft, but you may not know that it does not, in present, have anything resembling a decent television. Couple weeks into the season and I'd prolly swap places with you.

hmmmm said...

Your uncle says "it sounds like you have lost a phase" - "call the landlord"!

Anonymous said...

even if the breaker ain't throwd, it could still be the problem. i'd replace it. most gfci receptacles have a reset button that pops out oncet they throwd.

ladyinblue said...

Don't get used to winning. You'll be losing your first regular season game. :-P Sorry had to post that to make up for being a traitor and regularly reading a Redskins fan's blog.

ladyinblue said...

Also: Love that Jon Stewart is the still shot on the screen. :)

Jason said...

At least you got a stimulus check.

zen bubba said...

Oh, I meant to mention it and it's probably already fixed, but check your breaker box and see if it doesn't also have a pull out for 2 to 4 main fuses. In all likelihood one of them is blow. They are a couple of bucks at Lowes/Home Depot and a quick fix. They look like paper wrapped frozen burritos with copper tabs on the end.

If that is not the case then have an electrician (don't do this yourself and the amperage there is lethal) check the meter. Occasionally after a dry spell followed by rain condensation will seep behind them and corrode the connection there.

If it ain't either of those, you are probably fucked.

Riley said...

Where's that Pet Shop Boys penis album cover? It's not up in your living room.