The Friday Random Ten+5 experienced a 24-hour delay this week due to Blue-Screen-of-Death-related issues with Hey Jenny Slater's central mainframe, but it's probably just as well that it turned into a Saturday Random Ten this time around, because it coincides with the wedding of Jenna Bush. Now, as you know, she and I have a bit of a history together, but I wasn't terribly shocked to hear the news that she'd gotten engaged. I was, however, surprised to learn that she was getting married on her dad's ranch in fricking Crawford, Texas. Tell me, readers, and I'm talking to both men and women here -- if your family connections gave you the option of getting married at either the White House or a ranch in east Texas, which one would you pick? If I was Jenna Bush I'd be like, "Look, pops -- you're more than likely going to leave office with an approval rating in the 30s, and I'm going to be saddled with a public rep as daughter of one of the most inept presidents in history. This might be my last chance to salvage something positive out of this train wreck of a presidency, so screw your stupid ranch, I want a Rose Garden wedding. MAKE IT HAPPEN."
On the other hand, maybe this was the plan all along, which might explain why Dubya was spending so much time cutting brush down there. Still, I could write you a long list of places I'd rather get married. In fact, I think I'll get started on that list right now: In honor of dear Jenna, this week's slightly belated +5 is Five Places I'd Rather Get Married Than Crawford, Texas.
The 50-yard-line at Sanford Stadium
I realize there is only a very specific cohort of potential brides-to-be who would agree to this, but it's not like I'd be wanting to have it during halftime of an actual game (though that would be pretty sweet). Just your average summer Saturday, when the stadium isn't in use, would be fine. Though I'd probably at least have Mark Richt on the guest list. And Uga VI.
One could argue that a prefab wedding ceremony at a kitschy Vegas chapel, officiated by an Elvis impersonator, would not really befit the son or daughter of the leader of the free world. But let's be honest -- at this point, how much more damage could this possibly do to the Bush legacy? And given that Nevada is more than likely going to be a swing state in this year's presidential election, it couldn't hurt to do a little pandering to the voters out there.
I realize that the Bushes aren't Catholic, but if it was my family, I figure there'd be nothing wrong with my dad the president calling up Pope Benedict and being like, "Hey, Your Excellency, do me a solid and marry my son and daughter-in-law at St. Peter's." Maybe he could sweeten the deal by promising to continue the ban on government funding for stem-cell research, I don't know.
The backyard of one of my ex-girlfriends
Again, this seems like something that would be well within the power of a sitting U.S. president to do; if my dad can order the indefinite detention of U.S. citizens without giving them access to legal representation or even charging them with anything, he can rub one of my ex-girlfriends' sweet faces in it by issuing an executive order appropriating her backyard for a First Family wedding.
I mean, if you have to get married somewhere in Texas, at least do it someplace that has some decent bars.
Anyway, congratulations to the happy couple. If the wedding ceremony's in Crawford, wonder where the honeymoon's going to be? Lubbock? Romantic Fort Worth? While y'all ponder that one, here's the Ten:
1. Nine Inch Nails, "Wish" (remix)
2. The Sloppy Seconds, "Just Because You're a Girl"
3. The Dust Brothers, "Who is Tyler Durden?"
4. Elvis Costello, "(What's So Funny 'Bout) Peace, Love, and Understanding"
5. Passengers, "Miss Sarajevo"
6. Pet Shop Boys, "Minimal" (Lobe remix)
7. The Beastie Boys, "Do It"
8. Public Enemy, "Burn Hollywood Burn"
9. The Chemical Brothers, "Come With Us"
10. Crowded House, "Walking on the Spot"
Now that's a Random Ten that just oozes romance. Throw your own Tens, and your dream wedding locations, in the comments.