Saturday, May 10

The Friday Random Ten+5 ties the knot. On Saturday.

The Friday Random Ten+5 experienced a 24-hour delay this week due to Blue-Screen-of-Death-related issues with Hey Jenny Slater's central mainframe, but it's probably just as well that it turned into a Saturday Random Ten this time around, because it coincides with the wedding of Jenna Bush. Now, as you know, she and I have a bit of a history together, but I wasn't terribly shocked to hear the news that she'd gotten engaged. I was, however, surprised to learn that she was getting married on her dad's ranch in fricking Crawford, Texas. Tell me, readers, and I'm talking to both men and women here -- if your family connections gave you the option of getting married at either the White House or a ranch in east Texas, which one would you pick? If I was Jenna Bush I'd be like, "Look, pops -- you're more than likely going to leave office with an approval rating in the 30s, and I'm going to be saddled with a public rep as daughter of one of the most inept presidents in history. This might be my last chance to salvage something positive out of this train wreck of a presidency, so screw your stupid ranch, I want a Rose Garden wedding. MAKE IT HAPPEN."

On the other hand, maybe this was the plan all along, which might explain why Dubya was spending so much time cutting brush down there. Still, I could write you a long list of places I'd rather get married. In fact, I think I'll get started on that list right now: In honor of dear Jenna, this week's slightly belated +5 is Five Places I'd Rather Get Married Than Crawford, Texas.

The 50-yard-line at Sanford Stadium
I realize there is only a very specific cohort of potential brides-to-be who would agree to this, but it's not like I'd be wanting to have it during halftime of an actual game (though that would be pretty sweet). Just your average summer Saturday, when the stadium isn't in use, would be fine. Though I'd probably at least have Mark Richt on the guest list. And Uga VI.

Las Vegas
One could argue that a prefab wedding ceremony at a kitschy Vegas chapel, officiated by an Elvis impersonator, would not really befit the son or daughter of the leader of the free world. But let's be honest -- at this point, how much more damage could this possibly do to the Bush legacy? And given that Nevada is more than likely going to be a swing state in this year's presidential election, it couldn't hurt to do a little pandering to the voters out there.

The Vatican
I realize that the Bushes aren't Catholic, but if it was my family, I figure there'd be nothing wrong with my dad the president calling up Pope Benedict and being like, "Hey, Your Excellency, do me a solid and marry my son and daughter-in-law at St. Peter's." Maybe he could sweeten the deal by promising to continue the ban on government funding for stem-cell research, I don't know.

The backyard of one of my ex-girlfriends
Again, this seems like something that would be well within the power of a sitting U.S. president to do; if my dad can order the indefinite detention of U.S. citizens without giving them access to legal representation or even charging them with anything, he can rub one of my ex-girlfriends' sweet faces in it by issuing an executive order appropriating her backyard for a First Family wedding.

Austin, Texas
I mean, if you have to get married somewhere in Texas, at least do it someplace that has some decent bars.

Anyway, congratulations to the happy couple. If the wedding ceremony's in Crawford, wonder where the honeymoon's going to be? Lubbock? Romantic Fort Worth? While y'all ponder that one, here's the Ten:

1. Nine Inch Nails, "Wish" (remix)
2. The Sloppy Seconds, "Just Because You're a Girl"
3. The Dust Brothers, "Who is Tyler Durden?"
4. Elvis Costello, "(What's So Funny 'Bout) Peace, Love, and Understanding"
5. Passengers, "Miss Sarajevo"
6. Pet Shop Boys, "Minimal" (Lobe remix)
7. The Beastie Boys, "Do It"
8. Public Enemy, "Burn Hollywood Burn"
9. The Chemical Brothers, "Come With Us"
10. Crowded House, "Walking on the Spot"

Now that's a Random Ten that just oozes romance. Throw your own Tens, and your dream wedding locations, in the comments.


NCT said...

I actually attended a wedding during halftime at Sanford Stadium in 1978. I didn't know the couple, but neither did most of the 60,000 or so others in attendance.

If I were allowed to get married, it's a toss-up. If Westboro Baptist Church was booked, I guess I could go for the UGA chapel.

1. Elvis Costello, "So Like Candy"
2. 10,000 Maniacs, "Like the Weather"
3. Mac Davis, "Baby Don't Get Hooked On Me"
4. Suzanne Vega, "China Doll" (Dead cover)
5. Simon & Garfunkel, "The Boxer"
6. Chicago, "Beginnings"
7. Redcoat Band, "Redcoat Band Chant"
8. The Beatles, "The End"
9. R.E.M., "Feeling Gravity's Pull"
10. Dolly Parton, "The Beautiful Lie"

tantra flower said...

When I was a little girl, I wanted to get married in Antarctica and have penguins for guests. Now that I'm an old fuddy duddy...I have no idea where my dream wedding would be because it won't be happening until my next life...

1. Sinead O'Connor - Fire on Babylon
2. The Allman Brothers Band - Midnight Rider
3. Van Morrison - Give Me My Rapture
4. David Bowie - Blue Jean
5. Hoodoo Gurus - Arthur
6. The Smiths - Unhappy Birthday
7. Missing Persons - It Ain't None of your Business
8. Bryan Ferry - Kiss and Tell
9. Bob Welch - Sentimental Lady
10. Van Morrison - Celtic Excavation

(iTunes shuns everything from this decade this morning and that is fine with me)

Reed said...

Inverness, Scotland would be pretty damn sweet, and the travel would keep the guestlist to a minimum. Lake Como, Italy, ditto (was just there last week and it's on my mind - actually that may be too gorgeous). Or somewhere in the Rocky Mountains. Definitely not a fake ranch in West Texas.

1. Sigur Ros, "Ny Batteri"
2. Smashing Pumpkins, "Daydream"
3. UNKLE, "The Knock (Drums of Death), Pt. 2
4. Bob Dylan, "The Hurricane"
5. Black Sabbath, "Laguna Sunrise"
6. Tom Waits, "A Little Rain"
7. Nine Inch Nails, "Gave Up"
8. Smashing Pumpkins, "By Starlight"
9. Broken Social Scene, "Swimmers"
10. Silversun Pickups, "Waste It On"

Josh said...

I couldn't talk Maya into Athens, much less Sanford Stadium, but at least we booked a bar - for the ceremony and reception. Oh yeah, Park Tavern in Atlanta, June '09 baby. The very religious wing of her family probably isn't going to approve, but I doubt they approve of the groom either.

fenwayspal said...

i want my wedding during halftime at michigan stadium...hell, there's a band!

or between the 2 ends of a tigers' doubleheader.

geez...i'm pathetic

shelly said...

Five better places to get married than Crawford, TX (though not necessarily where I would want to tie the knot)...

* Fenway Park (providing, of course, the groom were also a Red Sox fan)

* The Hockey Hall of Fame in Toronto (providing he were a hockey fan)

* In my own backyard

* In his backyard

* In a televangelist's church (gawd help me)

zen bubba said...

I want my next wedding to be at the Bush Ranch in Crawford Tx. I can only imagine what my guests would do to the place.

Holly said...

On a waterslide. Somehow. Beats walking down an aisle.

Anonymous said...

Just a theory, but imo, the best marriages come from the least ostentatious weddings. A church, a few friends, a reasonable but small reception. On a weekday, in the evening. Say, Sacred Heart, downtown Atlanta, 9/14/1971....still going strong.

Kanu said...

NCT- UGA chapel is nice, but beware the summer months, as there is no AC. I was a groom in my buddy's wedding there in June a few years back and I think I'm still sweating from that day.

If I had the money, I'd donate a bundle to the California State Parks system {which they desperately need}, have them build me some stairs for the older folks, and I'd get married in the mid afternoon on the inaccessible beach at Julia Pfeiffer Burns State Park with the waterfall going into the ocean and Caribbean like green/blue sea:

And I'd be barefoot. Perfect.

I had a pretty crazy random 10 on Friday that I actually jotted down, but alas it is now lost. Oh well, next week.

Holly said...

I was a groom in my buddy's wedding

There were horsies?

Anonymous said...

The First Unitarian Church in Providence RI was not too bad, although since I had been adamant about a civil service, it also foreshadowed my 0 - a lot record in constructive debate with the missus.

The Ten:

1) Aphex Twin - Digeridoo (live)
2) Minutemen - Dream told by Moto
3) Roots Manuva - Witness (One hope)
4) Revolting Cocks - TV Mind
5) Beastie Boys - Brass Monkey
6) Elastica - Vaseline
7) Bob Marley - Kinky reggae
8) The Specials - Too much too young
9) REM - Laughing
10) Van Halen - Hot for Teacher