Six and a half years ago, the Bush administration sent everyone a check for $300 to try and inject some juice into a flagging economy. I thought that was a dumb idea at the time, and in fact I mailed my check back to then-Senator Zell Miller, asking him to forward it along to whatever government agency is in charge of paying down the national debt. In what I now realize I should've recognized as a sign that Zell was heading down the path to incoherent-old-bastardhood, he ignored by instructions and sent the check right back to me, saying it wasn't his money and therefore couldn't do anything with it. (In the end, all three hundred dollars ended up in the hands of the American Red Cross when 9/11 happened just a few days later.)
Now the government has decided to throw another "economic stimulus" our way, only I stand to get $600 this time -- and while there's a part of me that thinks that only makes it twice as stupid an idea as the first one, there's another part of me that's apparently grown rather cynical and mercenary since the fall of '01, because I've been coming up with all kinds of ways of blowing this money that I didn't think of the first time around. Between this and the rather sizable refund I got on my taxes -- yes, I've already filed my 1040 and received my refund, merci beaucoup, TurboTax! -- your homeboy is gonna be makin' it rain out there at the club for the next few months. And by "making it rain" I mean investing wisely in our nation's economy, of course. Here are Five Things I'm Planning On Blowing My Government Stash On In 2008:
Car stereo ($120)
Last month I related to you the strange tale of the cold-induced disintegration of my factory car stereo; well, the ugly, gaping hole in my dashboard has been filled with a Pioneer DEH-3900MP head unit that I found on clearance at Best Buy last weekend. Got the stereo and all the wiring harnesses for only a hundred and twenty bucks, and even got some bonding time with Pops as we soldered wires together and crammed the thing into my dashboard ourselves. Now if I could just fill this ugly, gaping hole in my soul! Oh well.
New pair of shoes ($85)
A few weeks ago I wore my standard semi-dressy brown shoes to work and walked home in a mild rainstorm; I felt my right foot getting soggy as I chugged up the hill on 20th Street, and when I got home, sure enough, there was a nice split in the sole (above) that had been letting my shoe fill up with water. Not being a fan of soaking-wet socks, I think it's time to invest in some new shoes. Though I'll have to bring either a straight woman or a gay man with me when I do, because that's not the kind of style decision I trust myself to make on my own.
Plane ticket to Phoenix ($385)
Since I won't be going to the Democratic National Convention in Denver this summer -- ahh, Denver, the Sunshine State -- I can instead sink that cash into a trip to a different destination out West: Tempe, Arizona, where the Bulldogs will be playing Arizona State on September 20. And where they'll hopefully be kicking Rudy Carpenter's bitch ass all over the field. Just because Rudy seems to be auditioning for the role of the White Reggie Ball, though, doesn't mean I don't have all kinds of love for ASU and its fine student body, one of which is pictured above.
"Michael Clayton" DVD ($20)
Left this off my Five Favorite Movies of 2007 list last month because I hadn't seen it yet, but if I had to rewrite that list I'd probably put it in there at #3. Everything Josh said about the movie last fall is true -- George Clooney is incredible in this movie, and the final sequence is mind-blowingly good. Comes out on DVD this coming Tuesday.
And finally . . .
Another Boston terrier ($250)
Yup, Jenna will soon be joined by a little brother. I don't know exactly who it will be yet, but we're going to the Altadena Valley Animal Hospital tomorrow morning to meet some of the dogs that Birmingham Boston Terrier Rescue has available for adoption (a group that includes Pup-Pup, pictured above). Rest assured that the minute we come home with one, the photos will be posted here.
. . . And I'll still have some extra to put toward my goal of having a 42" plasma-screen in my living room by the time football season kicks off. What's that? Rent? Bills? Quit harshing my buzz, picklewipe.
Anyway, the Ten:
1. Bruce Springsteen, "Born in the U.S.A."
2. Pet Shop Boys, "Violence" (Haçienda version)
3. Fatboy Slim, "Star 69"
4. New Order, "1963"
5. Paul Oakenfold, "Mortal"
6. Pet Shop Boys, "Silver Age"
7. R.E.M., "Pop Song 89"
8. The Association, "Never My Love"
9. Madonna, "Material Girl"
10. Pet Shop Boys, "Before" (Danny Tenaglia Twilo dub)
Now it's time for your own Tens -- and your plans for using your gubmint check, if you're getting one, to prop up our sputtering economy -- in the comments.