So the Mittster has dropped out of the race for the Republican presidential nomination, the race has all but been dropped into John McCain's lap, and some hard-core right-wingers are a little upset about this. Many of them, I'm sure, will hold their noses and vote for McCain in November anyway, if only to forestall the possibility of a Hillary Clinton presidency, but others are still prepare to fight tooth and nail to get a "true conservative" (whatever the hell that means these days) into the White House.
And whereas I would've just sat back and laughed at these folks before, I'm taking my man Barack Obama's message of bipartisan cooperation to heart and giving them some assistance. It's not too late to throw one last challenge at McCain in the GOP race, guys. This week's +5 is Five People The Right Wing Could Nominate Instead Of John McCain:
He's confident, he's ruthless, he singlehandedly turned around GE's microwave-oven division; who's to say he can't turn around a country? And after his brief fling with Democratic Congresswoman Celeste Cunningham, he's even made just enough inroads on the Left to push some legislation through in a hurry and get things done. He's bow-hunted polar bears, he once drove a rental car into the Hudson to practice escaping, he's showered with Greta Van Susteren . . . he can handle running the most powerful country in the world.
His qualifications for the job, of course, have already been laid out in painstaking detail. And his close association with Mike Huckabee -- did Huck make a single campaign appearance in either Iowa or New Hampshire without Chuck Norris standing right behind him? -- means he's already made some major inroads into the halls of GOP power. Be honest, Huckabee supporters, the only reason you voted for Huckabee to begin with was because you thought he was going to name Chuck his VP.
Hails from a state that's gone red in the last two elections; perennially strong on defense; reliably conservative on offense. A proven winner, he owns the Midwest and Upper Great Lakes regions. His only weakness is that he's certain to get annihilated by any opponent who hails from south of the Mason-Dixon Line, but since the two remaining Democrats are from Illinois and New York, even that won't be a problem.
Ronald Reagan's reanimated corpse
The current crop of candidates mentions his name every other goddamn sentence in their stump speeches, you figure somebody's probably come up with this idea already. Ironically, though, the Repubs will almost certainly have to overcome their obsession with stem cells to make this one a reality. And finally . . .
Demonize her all you want, Republicans, but in your heart of hearts, y'all know that your best days were when she and Bill were in the White House. It was when they left and y'all were running things for yourselves that you started f%$#ing things up like it was your job. If nothing else, this move would bring new hope and a sense of purpose to the lifeblood of your party, right-wing talk radio; nobody wants to hear Rush Limbaugh whine about how John McCain isn't conservative enough for the next four years, but man, if y'all nominated Hillary and made it a Clinton-Obama general election, your talk-radio nut jobs could spend the rest of the year bashing two Democrats and not have to come up with any new ideas on their own, which, be honest, they probably didn't have anyway. And then whichever one gets elected, you can rail against them 24/7 on the radio and it'll be just like the salad days of the mid-'90s again.
And now the Ten:
1. Thievery Corporation, "Encounter in Bahia"
2. Zero 7, "Destiny"
3. Dead Kennedys, "Kill the Poor"
4. Deep Forest and Peter Gabriel, "While the Earth Sleeps" (long version)
5. Beck, "Hell Yes"
6. Orbital, "Chime" (7" version)
7. A Tribe Called Quest, "What Really Goes On"
8. Depeche Mode, "I Feel You"
9. Talisman & Hudson, "Leave Planet Earth"
10. The Clash, "Career Opportunities"
Leave your own Tens, and your suggestions for the Repubs if you have 'em, in the comments.