Because I only want people to be happy, that's why.

Apparently some conservatives ain't too happy with the folks who appear most likely to contend for the GOP nomination in 2008. A cat named "AcademicElephant" on the right-wing blog RedState has his own dream ticket, and it's . . . Donald Rumsfeld and John Bolton.

In the end, R-B in '08 might be but a dream, but reflecting on it is an instructive exercise as we desperately try to fit the square pegs that are our declared candidates into the round hole of what we really need. We owe it to ourselves to nominate our most qualified candidates who have the most profound understanding of the national security challenges we face. We need a president and a vice president who are cool under fire. Who function in the real world but who are not strangers to idealism. Who have a clear vision of where this country needs to be 10, 20, even 50 years out and form their policy accordingly -- not with an eye to the next election cycle. Who think like CEOs but understand that they are the servants, not the corporate head honchos, of the American taxpayer. Who are singularly unimpressed by the pretensions of our enemies -- and many of our so-called allies -- but who are profoundly humble before the greatness of our nation. Who see our country as larger than themselves.

And who are Republicans so dyed in the wool that the Democrats respond with appalled horror at the very mention of their names.

"Appalled horror" would be one way of looking at it, I guess. "Peals of laughter" would be another. So would "rolling one's eyes and making the jerk-off gesture with one's right hand." But to each his own.

Anyway, if they run, it looks like they may have some competition:

Michael Savage, the nation's third-most listened to radio talk-show host, says he may leave his top rated show to make a bid for the GOP nomination for president.

"I know it sounds bizarre but when you consider the people running for the presidency, none . . . seems to be qualified," Savage told NewsMax in an exclusive interview. . . .

"I would think that somebody who's not a politician might be a viable candidate," Savage stated, stressing that he would focus his campaign on his mantra: "Borders, language, Culture."

I think that's awesome. I also think all candidates should have campaign slogans that are just meaningless strings of three abstract nouns. Peace, economy, cuisine! Athletics, colors, manners! Functionality, nudity, perspicacity!

On behalf of a whole bunch of people, I encourage both AcademicElephant and Michael Savage to live their dreams and make them happen. Not only do I want Rumsfeld, Bolton, and Savage to all represent the Republican Party in the 2008 Republican primaries, but I would be happy with an eventual Republican ticket composed of any two of those three people. Rumsfeld/Savage '08: In your heart you know they're hilarious. Or It's Happy Hour in America. Any other ideas?