Justin Timberlake can find himself another project; sexy done been brought back.
But as a tribute to those and all the other pants that have kept our legs safely sheathed for centuries now, this week's Friday Random Ten+5 is
The Pants Store
The Pants Store opened in Leeds, Alabama, in 1950, and they have a billboard facing the westbound lanes of I-20/59 that Ann and I always remark on whenever we're on our way back to the Salty 'Ham from Atlanta or wherever. I think it has the best business name in American commerce -- simple, to the point, leaving no ambiguity about what product they're pushing. Yet I've always wanted to go there to see if they really do sell only pants, to the exclusion of all other types of clothes. And if they do, I'd like to go in there and ask, "Where do y'all keep the shirts?" just to see if one of the salespeople flies into a rage and tries to kick me out.
Arnold T. Pants, Esq.
One of the finest character names in American history, Arnold T. Pants, Esq., is also the namesake for Hey Jenny Slater's recurring mystery meat/linkdump feature. (Weirdly enough, it's also apparently a Googlebomb for attorney Ken Nugent, if the results page for "Arnold T. Pants" is any indication.) Fans of the "Fletch" franchise who, like myself, can recite the entire film verbatim will recall that Pants, the divorce attorney for the former Mrs. Irwin Fletcher, drove a "red Oldsmobuick" and was memorably advised by Fletch to keep $10 of Mrs. Fletcher's alimony for himself and "go out and get yourself a nice piece of ass."
According to the Wikipedia entry for David Letterman's TV production company (est. 1993), the name "Worldwide Pants" dates back to an incident on an early "Late Night" episode in which
Dave read a joke essentially consisting of the line "Guess what's in this guy's pants." However, when the piece aired that evening the NBC censors decided to mute the word pants from the punchline. Letterman, more amused than annoyed, talked extensively on-air about the absurdity of the word pants somehow being considered offensive or risqué. Letterman used pants humor extensively for two or more weeks, creating a hilarious footnote in censorship history.
For all I know, Letterman wrote that himself as a joke, but whatever.
Brick Tamland's pants party
You know, I honestly didn't think "Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy" was anything special when I first saw it in the theatre, but it's gotten funnier and funnier every time I've seen it since then. The thing is, Ron Burgundy might only be the third-funniest character in the movie. The consistent scene-stealer is Steve Carell as Brick Tamland, the KVWN weatherman who manages to keep it together on camera but is somehow borderline retarded everywhere else (and, it should be said, enjoys a nice pair of slacks). The "pants party" scene begins at 0:55 in the above video, and I would probably find it funnier if every approach I made to a single woman weren't nearly that awkward.
Songs To Wear Pants To
A truly amazing Web site where you send in a "request" for a song and some guy in Canada named Andrew records it for you. And it doesn't matter how detailed or arcane your specifications for the song are. A song about how librarians are "sexy and friendly and willing to help with things"? Check. A rap song in which none of the lyrcis contain the letter "e"? Check. "[A] boy-band-esque ballad about the only remaining cookie in the cookie jar. It has to have at least one driving guitar solo, and also some French jargon"? Check. Not only is he pretty musically talented, this guy must have an IQ in the 400s, and I'll bet he's a bitch to play at Scrabble.
This has been the Friday Random Ten+5 Random Salute To Pants. And now the Ten:
1. Cyndi Lauper, "Girls Just Want To Have Fun"
2. Nanci Griffith, "Storms"
3. R.E.M., "Crush With Eyeliner"
4. Elvis Presley, "Suspicious Minds"
5. The Chemical Brothers, "Orange Wedge"
6. Atomizer, "Hooked On Radiation" (Pet Shop Boys Orange Alert mix)
7. INXS, "What You Need"
8. The Smiths, "That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore"
9. Pet Shop Boys, "No Time For Tears"
10. Moby, "Down Slow"
Throw your own Random Tens, and your own tributes to wonderful, wonderful pants, in the comments.