Thursday, April 10
A memo from the desk of Arnold T. Pants, Esq.:
Psychedelic cotillions, pwn3d reporters, and the return of the Rock.
Gator football '08: They're tanned, they're rested, they're pointing and staring.
• Florida's spring game is this Saturday, and yes, "College Gameday" is going to be there, blah blah who cares. Know what the actual, official name of their spring game is? The "Orange and Blue Debut," which sounds like a particularly garishly colored cotillion (and I'd make a joke about Emmanuel Moody being the one most likely to show up in a frilly debutante dress, but I've probably already made that joke like fifteen times this week). Anyway, while everyone south of the border is popping wood over Tebow and the spread offense and whatever else, Ron Zook has some unsolicited cold water to throw on the proceedings.
• As for our football team, Paul Westerdawg is right: Our coach is awesome.
• How is the above gentleman scoring: in a soccer game or a porn flick? The "O-Face or Go-o-o-al Face?" quiz puts you to the test. I got 12 out of 14, which means I either know a fair bit about soccer or a fair bit about porn. Do I want to know which?
• I'm not gay, I don't write a sexually explicit advice column, and my mom's not dead. (In fact, today's her birthday -- happy 59th, Mom! Don't worry, you're getting a real phone call later on today.) Yet something about Dan Savage's column this week, which eschewed the usual fidelity issues and should-I-let-my-boyfriend-pee-on-me dilemmas to pay tribute to his mom, who died earlier this week, really spoke to me for two reasons. First, his devoutly Catholic mom sounds a lot like my devoutly Catholic mom; she's a lot less averse to cursing, of course (admit it, Mom, you are), but they both apparently have great senses of humor, and if I was gay, I think my mom would handle it with the same kind of open-mindedness and protectiveness that Dan's mom did. Secondly, I wish the homophobes of the far right wing would read it, if only to perhaps switch on their mental light bulbs and hint to them that maybe, just maybe, gay peoples' relationships -- with people of the same sex, with people of different sexes, with lovers, with family members -- really just aren't all that different from their own. Of course, that might be what scares them more than anything.
• As someone trained in print journalism, I love watching TV reporters screw up, particularly in the midst of some goofball segment that was ridiculous to begin with. Join me, won't you, in loving the hell out of this.
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• Finally: The writers' strike is over, and "30 Rock" returns this evening at 7:30 p.m. (8:30 Eastern). My life is whole again!