Tuesday, October 9
Fate: Just another word for the spot where "opportunity" and "humiliation" collide.
This story is apropos of nothing, really, but I just thought you might be interested in what typically happens when something cool almost happens to me with respect to the opposite sex; it kind of makes a companion piece to the almost-cool-but-not-really Jenna Bush story from this past spring.
Fig. 1: Magic City AIDS Walk.
My neighbor Katie and I walked a couple blocks to Brother Bryan Park this past Sunday to go to the Magic City AIDS Walk, just to see what was going on, check out the drag queens, maybe donate a little money. I brought Jenna with me, and as we were walking around we spotted the recently elected Miss Birmingham signing autographs. Jenna ran right over to her, and Miss Birmingham immediately said "What a cute dog!" and started playing with her. And I'm thinking, yes, it's good to have a dog.
Fig. 2: Miss Birmingham.
Now, I should probably also mention that Brother Bryan Park after hours is a rather popular hangout for homeless people and the like, and more than a few of them were hanging around during the AIDS Walk festivities. One of them was a woman I see pretty frequently as I'm taking Jenna for a walk around Five Points. I don't want to be gratuitously cruel here, because this woman's never done anything wrong to me, but she's a little loopy, her face is a bit messed up, her teeth look like what would happen if you looked in every mouth in the British Isles and selected the 32 worst teeth you could find . . . basically, I'm 99-percent sure that she's not a Southern Baptist but rather a Crystal Methodist. But again, she's never done anything wrong to me, and she loves Jenna, as most people do.
So I'm standing there with Miss Birmingham as she's fussing over Jenna, trying to figure out the best way to get some kind of conversation started, when I hear a raspy voice holler "JENNA!!!" and who should walk over but . . . yup, the homeless lady. She scoops Jenna up and starts playing with her. Record skips, heads turn, moment killed. Brutally murdered, in fact.
So that's pretty much how it goes when you're me. Given an obvious opportunity, something always intervenes, and this time it wasn't even my own stupidity and/or social ineptness -- it was a homeless person cock-blocking me in front of Miss Birmingham.
Fig. 3: A referee signals an illegal cock block, which awards the blockee fifteen yards and an automatic first down.
Humiliated by Tennessee on Saturday, cock-blocked by a methhead on Sunday. The kind of weekend that just begs to have a country song written about it.