You probably already have enough reason to question the integrity of some of my thought processes, but if not, here are some more: Five Things Apparently Everybody Likes But Me.
Sorry, I know people find him almost universally hilarious, but there are not enough drugs in the world to make Andy Kaufman funny to me. I can give him a chuckle or two when he's playing Latka on "Taxi," but his stand-up isn't even the least bit amusing. Whenever I hear people describe him as a "genius" or an "innovator," I get the same confused, scrunched-up look on my face that I got back in 2003 when people were describing George W. Bush as a hero.
I've only seen maybe 10 minutes' worth of this program over the course of its entire run, and even that was only by accident -- I was flipping through channels after the Super Bowl a couple years ago or something. But anyway, it just doesn't appeal to me. The reality-show trend as a whole has kind of flown right by me -- I was a huge fan of "The Amazing Race" for a while, and that's pretty much it -- but even so, if I wanted to watch groups of random assholes compete in canoe-racing or fire-building challenges, I'd go become a counselor at a summer camp. And no, skinny chicks in mud-covered bikinis don't turn me on.
The Toyota Camry
Just because something is the best-selling of its kind in America doesn't make it good. My dad first bought a Camry in 1992, and that was kind of a nice car, but then, in spite of much better options, he bought another one in 1997. And when he began his latest round of car-shopping this past summer, he said he'd probably go out and buy another one, but then we drove one: Yes, it's quiet and refined and it rides well, but it's also big and floaty on the road -- like a Japanese Buick -- and it just feels cheap and plasticky inside; even the new-car smell is appliance-like. Pops put the Camry at the bottom of his list, and if you've designed a car that's too boring for even my dad to enjoy, then you've really accomplished something. (Not only did he end up buying an Acura TL, but it's red, which for my dad is the equivalent of wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a sombrero to a board meeting.)
Alfred Hitchcock's "Vertigo"
Supposedly this is Hitchcock's masterpiece, but nothing about this movie rang true to me. It seemed over-the-top and contrived in a lot of parts, and the characters were barely plausible -- the calmness with which Kim Novak's character seems to tolerate Jimmy Stewart's increasing insanity just didn't seem real at all. "North By Northwest" has it beat by a mile.
The crab cakes they have every Thursday at Chez Fon Fon right around the block from me are fantastic, but other than that, I've never found crab meat anything other than just plain gross. The only time I ever did the hide-food-in-the-napkin trick as a child was during family gatherings on Christmas Eve -- it's a tradition in some Catholic circles to eat seafood for Christmas Eve dinner (yeah, we've got this weird thing for seafood, I really don't know what the deal is), and the mere smell of crab casserole wafting in from the kitchen was enough to make my stomach flop over a bit. I hated fish when I was a kid, too, and I'm gradually starting to come around on that, but if I haven't gotten to like crab by now, I probably never will. (Oddly enough, I find Old Bay crab seasoning to be awesome. I hardly ever make a Bloody Mary without it.)
Now that your respect for me is at an even lower level than it was before, here's the Ten:
1. The Supremes, "Come See About Me"
2. Dead Kennedys, "When Ya Get Drafted"
3. Pet Shop Boys, "Theme for the Pet Shop Boys"
4. Beck, "Beautiful Way"
5. Depeche Mode, "Happiest Girl" (Jack mix)
6. R.E.M., "Walk Unafraid"
7. Röyksopp, "Remind Me" (Someone Else's mix)
8. Texas, "Saint"
9. Gnarls Barkley, "Storm Coming"
10. Pet Shop Boys, "I Want to Wake Up" (Breakdown mix)
Your own Random Tens and/or "sorry, just don't get it" confessions are welcome in the comments, as usual.