As you're well aware by now, Georgia goes up against Florida this weekend in Jacksonville in the latest installment of the World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party, and as you're also well aware, Georgia's recent history in this series is not something we Bulldogs spend a lot of time bragging about. Our record is 2-15 over the last 17 years, in fact, which is especially inexplicable when you consider that we've managed to earn three SEC East titles, 13 bowl invitations, and six 10-win seasons during that time. It doesn't matter how good Georgia is, we just can't seem to get over the Florida hump.
But hey, life's like that, and Georgia's certainly not the only one working on a head-scratcher of a streak. Partly for the sake of informing the public, partly just to salve my own pain at the Bulldogs having sucked so much wind at Alltel Stadium lo these many years, I present Five Streaks That Defy Good Sense Or Logic:
George W. Bush: 4-0 in last four elections
In 1994, Bush upset sitting governor and All-World badass Ann Richards in Texas's gubernatorial race despite having nothing of note on his record other than a famous last name and a 466-458 record as "managing partner" of the Texas Rangers (oh, and giving Sammy Sosa the heave-ho). After four years of doing little more than cutting taxes and executing the mentally retarded, Bush won re-election. In 2000, the country (well, 47.87% of it) saw fit to put him in the White House, and then in 2004, despite mounting evidence that Bush was about as qualified to direct a global war on terrorism as Lindsay Lohan is to operate a particle accelerator, he got elected again. That's four straight victories, and as much as I'd like to think that his political career will finally be over after next year, I can't help but think someone's gonna be stupid enough to propose an amendment to the Constitution so that Dear Leader can serve a third, fourth, or even fifth term.
Fidel Castro: 48 straight years without being overthrown
Bush isn't the only dictator whose political longevity defies explanation, though. Fidel Castro seized power in Cuba back in 1959, and in spite of the fact that the U.S. took considerable pains to overthrow every other head of state in South and Central America during the Cold War, Fidel is somehow still hanging around (even though he's probably hooked up to a respirator and issuing political directives via a blink-once-for-yes, blink-twice-for-no system). If Fidel does kick the bucket, his mantle will apparently be taken up by his brother Raul, and I can't help but hope that Raul turns out to be the Billy Carter of the Castro family.
MTV: no videos shown in last 9+ years
The general consensus among mainstream historians is that a milestone occurred at approximately 6:45 p.m. Tuesday, October 20, 1998, when Prodigy's "Firestarter" became the last music video ever aired* on the cable channel. Since then, it's been an unbroken string of slipshod reality programming, ride-pimpings, and superfluous glimpses inside the lives of spoiled rich Californians so repellant even E! Entertainment Television won't touch them with a 10-foot boom mike. MTV executives insist that actual videos will eventually be rotated back onto their programming slate, and in fact a Kanye West video was scheduled to air in prime-time earlier this year -- but it was pre-empted by a "very special episode" of The Hills, and thus the streak continues.
* A small but vocal minority in the historical community claim that the last video to air on MTV was not "Firestarter" but in fact a Mary J. Blige performance of "I'm the Only Woman" shown 12 minutes later; however, since it was a live performance broadcast by satellite onto the set of Total Request Live, most historians do not recognize it as a "video" per se.
Toyota Camry: best-selling car in America for nine of the last 10 years
We've been over my general distaste for the Camry before; I don't think it's a bad car, it's just incredibly boring, certainly too boring to be a decade-long bestseller in a country that supposedly values individualism as much as the U.S. does. Given how many people in this country willfully subject themselves to commutes of an hour or longer every day, you'd think they might want something a little more invigorating than this, but apparently what they actually want is a sensory-deprivation tank. Diff'rent strokes, I guess.
James Blunt: at least four straight ridiculously hot girlfriends (and counting)
The popular conception is that Michael Bolton has set an unreachable bar for spinning a complete lack of musical talent into inexplicably hot arm candy, but one-hit wonder James Blunt makes Bolton look like a eunuch. Despite having nothing more notable on his musical résumé than that one song about stalking an ex-girlfriend on the subway -- you know, the one they played non-fucking-stop from September 2005 well into '07 -- Blunt has managed to get with a string of hot chicks, including, but not exclusive to, singer Camilla Boler, London socialite Tara Palmer-Tomkinson, Jessica Simpson, and, of course, unfathomably gorgeous Czech supermodel Petra Nemcova (above). And then what'd he do? He cheated on Nemcova with a 21-year-old nurse in Scotland. Now, lord knows I hate to come off as judgmental, but you've got to be one arrogant motherfucker to decide that sleeping with Petra Nemcova isn't enough for you and you're entitled to have some strange on the side; I don't know how they do it in the British Isles, but down here in Alabama we single men don't have any problem with beating the crap out of dudes who pull shit like that. Nemcova promptly dumped his sorry ass, but you just know that talentless turd is going to pop up with some other model, starlet, or socialite on his arm any day now; if there's any justice in this world, it'll be Britney Spears.
And now the Ten:
1. The Who, "Happy Jack"
2. Mono, "Slimcea Girl"
3. U2, "North and South of the River"
4. George Baker, "Little Green Bag"
5. a-ha, "Take On Me"
6. Cornershop, "Brimful of Asha" (Norman Cook remix)
7. Randy Newman, "Louisiana 1927"
8. Richard Cheese, "Imagine"
9. Meat Beat Manifesto, "Nuclear Bomb"
10. The Streets, "Weak Become Heroes"
Feel free to leave your own logic-defying streaks and Random Tens -- not to mention prayers, pleas to Vishnu, or voodoo incantations for the Bulldogs -- in the comments.