Monday, January 22

Props to the master(s).

Since I bogarted their idea for the 50 Most Loathsome People in College Football in a pretty wholesale manner, I have to give further props to The Beast and their 2007 edition of the 50 Most Loathsome Americans. Terrific as always, but I particularly enjoyed these gems:

On National Review editor Rich Lowry (#49): "The tragic irony of Michael J. Fox's life is that his breakout role as Alex P. Keaton inspired a million resentful Reagan-blowing nerds like Lowry to recast themselves as 'rebels' against gathering threats like universal health care and stem cell research."

On Rush Limbaugh (#30): "It's hard to believe this repulsive shit fountain is even human, until you remember that we share 70% of our DNA with pigs. Then again, to be any more hypocritical Rush would actually have to be a member of another species. After the Democrats took congress in November, Limbaugh said he felt 'liberated' because 'I no longer am going to have to carry the water for people who I don't think deserve having their water carried,' essentially telling his listeners he'd been lying to them all year. The dittoheads didn't mind; that's why they listen."

On White House press secretary Tony Snow (#17): "After years defending the Bush administration's worst excesses on 'Fox News Sunday,' Snow's job transition to White House Spokesman consisted solely of getting directions to the new office."

Exhibit A for You (#17): "You're Time magazine's person of the year. So was Hitler."

I also loved their description of Joe Lieberman (#42) as a "sniveling sitzpinkler." (Origin of the term here for those unfamiliar with German.)

Commenters, lemme know if they missed anybody important . . .

7 comments:

Duff said...

Coulter's neck gained an amazing 3 vertical inches in 2006; inside sources attribute this to a strict regimen of deep-throating Satan's scaly cock.

How could you not include this lovely gem in your summary? Although I an quite suprised she wasn't closer to #1 on the list.

Cheap shot including Suri Cruise on the list - not like she has any control over the situation she's in.

The one person I didn't see on that list that I think should have been - probably in place of Suri - is Fergie. How someone can be such a success simply by being so conceited with no real talent or "assets" to back it up is just beyond me.

Chris said...

Damn, you guys are pissed off. I'll check back in when college football rolls around. Go dawgs.

Ben Wilson said...

I agree with duff, Coulter should have been closer to the top.

But I was quite thrown off by two people; Suri Cruise and.... (cough)... Ben Gibbard?

"A dickless dweeb who makes nerf-pop for disaffected zombies. Gibbard's bafflingly popular band, with the nauseous name of Death Cab for Cutie, specializes in flat, too-self-conscious-to-rock odes to numbness."

Uh, ok, like I'm not the HUGEST Death Cab fan in the world, but couldn't you have chosen someone with at least a little less artistic integrity, like maybe Jared Leto or Ludacris? Song lyric comparison:

Ben Gibbard (from "Tiny Vessels")

"Wanted to believe in all the words that i was speaking.
As we moved together in the dark
And all the friends that i was telling, and all the playful misspellings, and every bite i gave you left a mark. Tiny vessels oozed into your neck
And formed the bruises that you said you didn't want to fade, but they did and so did i that day."

Lindsay Lohan (from "Black Hole")

"Have you fallen in a black hole?
Somewhere there's a universe of missing stuff? What happened to the good times? What happened to the moments where we had so much?
Where's the love? [2x]"

Yes, where is the love?

Anonymous said...

From the other side of the aisle, I liked this one:

"A massive failure as a parent, it literally took the death of a family member to elevate Sheehan?s political awareness to that of a self-righteous college freshman with pungent dreadlocks and a Che Guevara T-shirt."

Oh, and Seacrest is a cheap, too easy shot. I mean, first, he went to UGA. Second, he's actually talented at what he does, even if what he does isn't going to change the world.

DC Trojan said...

I'm afraid I'm going to have to agree with The Beast on Ben Gibbard and his tedious band -- listening to them would be like wanking without completion, except that you can at least get some enjoyment out of unfulfilled self-abuse, before you are overwhelmed by the futility and the lactic acid.

Ben Wilson said...

You can like Ben Gibbard and Death Cab (or Postal Service) or not like him. That's not my point. At least Ben Gibbard is intelligent and is making SOME kind of statement in a lot of songs. I just wish he could be replaced by some half-witted musical marketing puppet, like all the mainstream acts that saturate the market now.

DC Trojan said...

I take your point, Mr Wilson, but as I used to say to students when I was a TA, sometimes trying hard isn't enough.