Riding the wild meme.

I've had some good times with other people's memes, I thought it might be fun to try and start one of my own. So here's the question, inspired by the touching sixth-season finale of "The Surreal Life"; answer at your leisure.

Let's say you somehow become famous (or infamous) enough to make it onto VH1's "The Surreal Life." Which six B-list celebrities do you want in the house with you? Allow me to lay down some ground rules for you: First, they have to be three men and three women, though if you like you can include a seventh person to serve in the Florence Henderson role as the older, less scandalous/embarrassing house mother/father who keeps the rest of you yabos in line. All these folks have to be true B-listers -- in other words, no George Clooneys or Charlize Therons in your house. And while someone like, say, David Hasselhoff might seem the very definition of a B-list celeb, he's still working (and still huge in Germany, I might add), so he's probably off limits. I'm looking for people who reside on the B-list and who currently have little enough occupying their time that you could conceivably get them on the show.

I know that's still a little nebulous, but here's my list to get you started:


Emma Bunton
I can't believe they haven't had a Spice Girl on yet, and for the 15 minutes in 1997 that the Spice Girls were popular, I'm not ashamed to say Baby Spice was my favorite. Plus having someone in the house with a heavy British accent might add some semblance of class to what might otherwise be some severely tacky, debauched proceedings.


Mr. T
Another person I'm shocked they haven't had on there yet. Everything goes better with T. There will be plenty of opportunity for fool-pitying in this house.


Heather Kozar
No reason not to have a Playmate in the house -- a Playmate of the Year, no less -- and which better one to have than the one who was once entangled in a love triangle with two of the biggest NFL draft busts of the last 20 years, Tim Couch and Cade McNown?


David Lee Roth
Had to have some kind of washed-up '80s rocker on here, and Diamond Dave just barely made the cut over Billy Idol. I just can't pass up the chance that Roth would let me play synthesizers on "Jump."


Monica Lewinsky
She's already been on one reality show, so another one wouldn't be that much of a stretch. And who better to give insight into the man himself, Bill Clinton? (Other than Hillary, of course, who I'm pretty sure wouldn't appear on this show.)


Michael Winslow
If you don't remember who he is, he's the dude who made all the funny noises in the "Police Academy" movies. I looked him up on IMDb and found that, indeed, he hasn't been working a lot lately, but he is appearing in . . . another "Police Academy" movie, due out next year? I don't know whether that's a sign of the apocalypse, but either way, he's on the show.

And my #7 pick, the mature disciplinarian of this motley crew:


Roger Moore
Did you know this cat is nearly eighty years old? That's actually older than Sean Connery, so there may be some legitimate concern over whether Rog would be hale and/or hearty enough to keep tabs on the seven of us. But if he can satisfy Jane Seymour, Barbara Bach, and Grace Jones, the ol' guy must be doing something right in terms of physical stamina (and maybe even has some pointers for a schmuck like myself). And his ex-Bond status alone should be enough to snap the rest of us in line. If Moore's not available, then the pick is Tom Jones.

So there's my group, people. Who are yours?