Monday, November 30

The poetry of premature trash-talk.

This was originally a feature I wanted to do on a weekly basis for Dr. Saturday, but he wanted to go with "Profiles in Disillusion" instead. And since that feature is on hiatus now that the season is winding to a close, I thought to myself, what better way to finally let it see the light of day than to spotlight the poignant poetry of the overconfident Tech fan? And so I bring you "The Poetry of Premature Trash-Talk," starting with the moving and evocative "This is OUR Moment (Soak This One In)" by StingTalk scribe "JoltinJacket." Read this and see if chills don't go up your spine:

This is our chance
To take the state by storm.
The tide was already started to turn
With some of the state's fence-sitters.

More and more folks are rooting for Tech.
More importantly, more and more HS players
Are paying attention to Tech.
Everything is aligned for a magical night.
As Brent Musberger said
At the end of the '90 Citrus Bowl telecast,
"These moments may come once a lifetime;
Enjoy 'em."

We may never see an opportunity again where
A 10-win Tech team hosts such a hapless,
Helpless bunch of Mutts.
Moments like these are special.

Indeed, JoltinJacket. You will be equally moved by our next selection, "The Hate Week Armory," with its stream-of-consciousness influences from "Song of Solomon," e.e. cummings, and mid-'80s hair metal:

I just....
i just can't wait anymore. I think I'm gonna break into BDS
and sit there until kickoff...
I'll skip Thanksgiving...

I just want to see this beatdown that has been playing in my head day and night actually manifest itself in a glorious and utterly mind-blowing fashion this Saturday. I think I have crossed over into over-confidence for the first time this entire season. For no other game have I been so thoroughly convinced that we will win as this one...

On Saturday the Jackets play the role of undertakers
as we will usher Georgia
straight to the fiery depths of Hell.

Sublime. BbuzzOff revivalist "brainbucket" strikes a more spiritual tone with his brief work, "Ugay [p]rayer request":

Dear Lord,
Please be with CMR & his staftt [sic],
the Ugay players, jawrjadawg,
20ozbulldog and the rest of Bulldawg nation.
Prepare them for the ass whipping they are about to receive.

Haunting, isn't it? Sometimes we forget that our most poignant and beautiful images are contained in the words we speak to our Higher Power.

But some of history's greatest poetry has found inspiration from battle hymns and war cries, too, which is apparent from our next two lyricists. First, published author Winfield Featherston, a double-threat who both composes verse and contributes to the blog "From the Rumble Seat," draws his beautifully crafted line in the sand with "A Football Preview":

It is time to tell the mutts that we are in control.
Make them piss themselves and make them leave Bobby Dodd early
because of our celebrating.
To Hell with Georgia.

It's time to wipe them off the face of the Earth.
54-10 Jackets.

In the comments thread for that same post, "chrisinindy" displays the poetry of not only premature trash-talk but premature counting of chickens that didn't even exist to begin with -- a brief, surrealist jaunt through an imagined world, undercut by a bitterness that evokes both T.S. Eliot and the Beat poets of 1960s counterculture. Here, "Makers and turkey hangover":

My hatred for Georgie is shining
through this morning after spending all day
yesterday with the inbred side of my

We almost match the Cumberland score and
roll, 179-0 as they feel the
effects of no Green and Samuel.

And if A&M had even half a
defense, we’d be looking at a
#6 rating next week,
at worst . . .

The bitterness is palpable, isn't it? The kind of inner turmoil that can only spring from worrying more about a team from halfway across the country failing to earn you something you couldn't even bother to earn yourself. Dark, tortured . . . haunting.

We close with the rustic, workmanlike cadence of BBuzzOff's "ramblin gambler," whose contribution to the Breaking Down the DAWG Game! anthology is as simple and straightforward as the society from which it sprang:

Special teams advantage Ga?

They are so scared of having a kickoff returned for a TD
that they give it to their opponents on the 40 every time.
GT LOVES a short field.

Their kicker is better long distance on FG's,
but Blair has looked much better as the season progresses.
Also, we are the masters of the fake punt,
they are masters of shooting themselves in the foot
(see the blocked punt & facemask against KY).

I have to believe this is the game
where we steamroll them
and Cocks throws 5 INT's
trying to get back in the game.

Not even close -
GT 63
Leghumpers 13

I am breathless. As, I'm sure, are you.

I'm Doug Gillett, and this has been "The Poetry of Premature Trash-Talk." Good night.


Jason said...

The level of false bravado from the Techies is just mind-boggling to me. Hello guys, did you miss the memo where we've owned you since about 1965?

Good Lord, I'm glad we're not this ridiculous when we beat Florida. At least we don't go in to the next year's game that one win means we're going to lay down the wood.

NCT said...

Those must be young'uns. The Tech types my age and older were dreading a loss Saturday. That's what comes from decades of being a Tech fan. They want to believe Coach Manboobs is their savior, but they're just not ready to believe it. And their dread was justified.

dave clark said...

And that's just from the message board posters. Let's not forget the crowing Jeffy Schultz, Adam Krohn, and the two dorks on 790's morning show did pre-game.

Universal Remonster said...

You can add Tony Barnhart to that list, Dave.

DAve said...

After reading
Just a few lines of this poetry
My stomach was already started to turn.

Whatever "was already started to" means.

Kristen said...

Georgia should play South Carolina this weekend, with the winner crowned ACC champion.

rbubp said...

Just delicious, delicious morsels, these. I ask for a volume 2. I know the sequel can never match the original, but my palate is not yet sated.

Mike said...

Ah, the poetry of those who thought that one 3 point surprise victory in this decade meant that they had drawn even with the Dawgs. I am almost sorry for them...well, maybe not.
Like "rbubp", I would love to read more poetry from the gnats on the flip side of the contest.

Oh, the gnashing of teeth and excuses that had to follow their realization that even a 10 win season can't douse the hurt and pain they feel.


BulldawgJosh said...

This is the best thing I have ever read. Ever.

Unknown said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Winfield Featherston said...

My only comment is that if someone takes my scoring predictions seriously, they have serious issues.

Buck said...

I know it was not intended but the fact that there is a photo of wild man Ben Jones directly underneath this gorgeous poetry makes it all of that more wonderful.