Wednesday, June 4

Shakedown 1978.

You're probably already aware of this, but readers, history has been made today -- on this spring day, I hit the big three-oh, the point at which youth ends and the long, slow slide into irrelevance begins. (What, you thought I was talking about a brother clinching the Democratic nomination? OK, I guess that's pretty historic too.)

It's only a matter of time now before I start looking for ways to get more fiber in my diet and complaining about "the rap music," but fortunately I don't have to go through this alone. It turns out there are a ton of people turning 30 this year, some of whom would seem to prove that there is, in fact, life after death (metaphorically speaking, of course). So sit back and crank up Boyz II Men's "End of the Road" as you peruse the following list:

Pro Bowl wide receiver Chad "Ocho Cinco" Johnson (January 9).

"Punk'd" creator and MILF hunter Ashton Kutcher (February 7).

Supermodel Josie Maran (May 8).

Supermodel Laetitia Casta (May 11).

Disgruntled Chicago Bear Brian Urlacher (May 22).

"Entertainment Tonight" presenter Maria Menounos (June 8).

Georgia Bulldog and greatest cover corner in the history of ever Roland "Champ" Bailey (June 19).

Actor Topher Grace (July 12).

My ex-lover, French TV journalist Melissa Theuriau (July 18).

Sports Illustrated swimsuit regular and Victoria's Secret angel Marisa Miller (August 6).

NBA MVP and Japanese beef namesake Kobe Bryant (August 23).

"Knocked Up" actress Katherine Heigl (November 24).

"Amores Perros"/"Babel" star Gael Garcia Bernal (November 30).

Canadian triple threat (model/actress/synchronized swimmer) Estella Warren (December 23).

So I guess it could be worse. We're all in this together.


oreo said...

Ha! I turn 30 July 18th as well! Got something in common w/ your girl Melissa...

Wow...a lot of beautiful people turning 30 this year...guess people like me even out that scale...

Universal Remonster said...

You've stacked yourself up against some pretty tough competition there Doug.

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday.

I was two years out of high school the year you were born.

Let me tell you, the next 20 years of your life will be the fastest.

One day you look in the mirror and don't recognize the guy looking back. You find yourself driving 45 MPH with easy listening coming over the speakers. The line of cars behind you will look like you are leading a funeral procession.

You start to find out that there are some things that you used to do with ease that you just simply and sincerely cannot do anymore.

You start to completely understand the old adage "the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak"

But life is good. Damn good.


Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday (and I agree with everything BigBlue says about passing 30 ;) )! :)

Anonymous said...

You left some major celebs off that list:
-Garfield the Cat
-The Space Invaders from Space Invaders
-Kevin Federline
-Sage Rosenfels
-Briana Banks
-Joey Harrington
-Clay Aiken

Other notables 30'ers:

-Artificial insulin
-The wildly popular and successful Susan B Anthony dollar coin
-Charlie Chaplin's grave robbery
-Larry Flynt's bullet holes

I got all this info from Wikipedia. After reading about that year, I would characterize 1978 as "The Year of the Serial Killer". Ted Bundy is captured, John Wayne Gacy admits to murders, Son of Sam's Trial, Hillside Strangler's last vicitm, and the Jonestown Cult Murder Suicide. That's pretty grim.

Congrats, Doug!

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday, Doug! I am happy to see that your father is doing well, I apologize for not posting that earlier.

30, huh? So, uh... you think you can get me a discount on car insurance, dude? You can keep the chnage as a finder's fee.

DAve said...

I read your first paragraph as the beginning of the "long, slow slide into irrelevance" was a "brother clinching the Democratic nomination" and started to wonder who took your blog over.

Besides, the long slow slide into irrelevance for the Democrats started way before Obama clinched the nomination. ZING! I kid.

Seriously though, happy birthday brotha. The 30's aren't that bad - at least that's what I repeat in my head ad nauseam as I silently weep myself to sleep each night.

Anonymous said...

Happy birthday!

(but Darrell Green is the greatest cornerback ever.)

Anonymous said...

Champ Bailey, meet Deion Sanders the real greatest cover corner in the history of ever

Anonymous said...

This year marks 30 of me legally practicing law. To celebrate that AND your birthday, I think you should post 30 pictures of Laetitia Casta. And they don't need to be too sanitized, either. :-)

Tantra Flower said...

Congratulations Doug.

Wishing you 30 more.

Michael said...

Happy birthday... Youngin.

I remember 30, oh so many years ago... well... almost 2 years ago.

Its really not that bad. I've enjoyed the first two years of 30 over the last 5 of the twenties.

Chris said...

Josie Maran and I have the same birthday? Maybe I can use 5/8/78 as a pickup line.

Obi's Sister said...

Happy Belated Birthday Doug! Welcome to the club.